I am soldier currently deployed on my second 1 year tour. When I deployed the first time my wife was 4 months pregnant and had to go through the pregnancy of our first child by herself. I was fortunate enough to make it home for the birth, only to leave just four days later. When I came home, my child was six months old. Nine months after that I deployed again for another one year tour. During the nine months at home my wife and I had many issues dealing with the first deployment. We started counseling but never had a chance to get anywhere significant with it as I had to prepare for deployment again. In the last 31 months I have spent a total of 10 months with my spouse and child.

Here is the issue: while depolyed a second time, my wife and have become very distant from one another. She has been leading her life in the states taking care of our child and I have been leading mine here in the combat zone. When we talk on the ohone, we never really have anything to say to one another. 6 months into this deployment I met another woman who is also married and we bagan to talk and confide in one another about our relationships with our spouses. After weeks of discussion with this other woman, I realized that I was more dedicated to my relationship than she was. The other woman started to meet a lot of my emotional needs that I wasn't getting from my wife. She admired me and told me on many occasions how she would like to be more intimate with me. However she was still conflicted with her husband as well. I can say that it felt wonderful to be wanted again by someone, but at the end of our conversations I always felt that I was betraying my wife. However, everytime I sopke with the other woman, we bacmae closer and closer. One evening, we became somewhat intimate with one another(no intercourse or kissing, just heavy petting and touching) which lead to her giving me oral sex. As soon as the act was completed we immediately felt shame for one another that we cheated on our spouses.

withing the next few days I couldn't bear to even look at this other woman. Every time I saw her I felt contepmt that I committed such an act with someone other than my wife. It was only two weeks later that I came home for leave to see my wife. I wanted to confess so bad, but somehow pushed those feelings deep down because I knew it would crush my wife. I am now back on deployment and everyday that I have been back has been miserable. I confronted the other woman and told her that I could no longer speak to her ever again and to date have not spoken to her or even want to speak to her.

Now I am conflicted because I want to confess to my wife. The problem is that there are so many other issues that we need to deal with plus in a few months I will be leaving the service and changing jobs plus moving to a new location. All of these things are stressful enough by themselves. I feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do. I want my wife to know so that we can start working on these issues but It is almost impossible to do with such a great distance between us. Trying to deal with this over the phone just doesn't seem right. I know that she thinks something is up, b ut i just don't know what to tell her. Can someone please help!!!

Oh dear. First off RTW, welcome to the forum.
Second, thank you for serving our country. The distance causes many problems in military couples as you know.

Third, as it turns out my H had been unfaithful when we were apart before and after our wedding due to deployment as well. I told him if he ever cheated on me (I never thought he would, I was speaking hypothetically) that he should just keep it to himself, that it was his guilty cross to bear.

Well, that's what he did. And 10 years later he got involved in a much more involved affair because we never did the work on Emotional Needs that needed to be done (at least, that was part of the formula, addiction was the other).

At any rate, secrets are lies. My H would tell you that his secrets ate away at him, our vows, his conscience, his self-worth, everything like a cancer.

You do need to be honest with your wife. That is extremely difficult apart. When will you ever see her next?