I'm returning to MBs after a couple of years. (previously dannic)My H had an affair 3 years ago. We have since moved on from his mistake and are both continuously trying to build a better relationship using Dr. Harley's priciples with a dash of aold fashioned common sense!

Recently, though... Our current circumstances remind me an awful lot of those we found ourselves in 3 years ago. I'm hellbent on not making the same mistakes I did back then... for my M or myself and my children... but I was wondering...
how do you deal with the anxiety of knowing that no matter what you do, your FWH seems to hold the family in his hands and you don't trust him?

Onlyd,

I read your email and it really strikes a chord with me today. We are a year into recovery....it has been slow because H uses more trial and error than reading or following up assignments from our coaching.

I feel the same way as you do and have been doing alot of reading here looking for the same answers. I do not trust H and based on MB principles there should be no reason to blindly trust him....transparent life style. Although it sounds good in theory....sometimes it seems difficult to apply 24/7.

The one thing that I have read that gives me back some control is that as a BS....I have to choose to recover...which means I can also choose to leave. I am trying to convince myself that being M is worth the hard work and in the end it would be fulfilling. So really you have options also.

I really would like to have FWS and I re-attend the MB seminar...although we went last year as part the Plan B end...FWS was still in a fog due to still in contact. I have heard Dr. Harley say that he feels a responsibility to MB marriages for a lifetime which is why couples can reattend a seminar at a deeply discounted rate. Onlyd, would this help you and H with how you are feeling? Or maybe reviewing some of the material with H since Dr. Harley updates the material constantly?

Hope this ideas might help, Onlyd. I am sending my support that you can turn it around with MB and a little help from the boards.

Thanks SS... maybe it would help... see new thread for a more detailed account.