Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 248
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 248 |
DD (16) is with WW this morning and tells me shes supposed to help WW move stuff back to our house. Evidently fantasyland got "crazy" over the weekend. (WW went to the river for the day and OM thinks she was out meeting me etc..) Well WW has been living with OM for 4 weeks and asked if you think you and your dad will let me come home? DD told her, you know the rules NC etc. I'll believe it when I see her things and her truck at the house.
Question----Now what??? I've been praying for this day and I knew it would come, but now I'm kinda nervous.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,539 |
What are your boundaries? Lay them out clearly for her. NC letter written and mailed together. Radical honesty and openess of cell phone, email etc. MC?
Faith
me: FWW/BS 52 H: FWH/BS 49
DS 30
DD 21
DS 15
OCDS 8
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 981 |
DD (16) is with WW this morning and tells me shes supposed to help WW move stuff back to our house. Evidently fantasyland got "crazy" over the weekend. (WW went to the river for the day and OM thinks she was out meeting me etc..) I don't know about anyone else, but I would be concerned that coming home might not be good because o/m and w/s might decide to kiss and make-up. I would definately put conditons on return, before w/w gets to come home. I hope it works out for you bigwave.
In the end, I have nothing to lose but everything to gain, by trying to save my marriage.
Me, betrayed wife 46
Former Wandering Husband, 51 E/A 2005
28 years of marriage
DD 26, DS 24
O/W aka, Rat 29, A-D Assisted Living
Discovery 8-20-05 Recovery ongoing.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 248
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 248 |
from the note that she left OM, kiss and make will not be in the cards at least for now.
I tried to tell her in many ways that this would not be a long term arrangement with him, but you can lead a horse...
WW and I have had some nice talks in the past few days(NO R TALK), basically bout memories and DD etc...From what she said OM has been leary of me, as hes suspected her of meeting me etc.. Exactly the things he was doing during their A. I alsmost burst our luaghing when she told me this.
But my boundaries are set, I told her in no uncertain terms that if and when she came back OM is out of the picture...
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 2,715 |
That makes sense, Bigwave. Also put the onus on WW to PROVE to you that NC is in place too. Make sure that she understands that she's going to have to demonstrate to you that she's doing the right things to rebuild your marriage and your trust.
NC letter?
Access to email/cell phone, etc...?
Full accountability?
MC?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 5,906 |
Here's the real issues...
1. your wife abandoned her SIXTEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER FOR ANOTHER MAN IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
2. Your wife goes to the same SIXTEEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER to illicit help to move her back in to your daughters HOME.
3. Your wife needs to stop TODAY this second and not expect an ounce of assistance from your daughter...
this is russian roulette with children
there is no way in He## that this or any CHILD daughter should be put in this position..
your wife owes great restitution..
daughter is not some adult girlfriend of your wives to put anywhere near the OM...his HOME or stuff....or be expected to have the emotional maturity or skills to deal with mom's issues..........
daughter is not the go between confidante for wife to use to relay her wishes to move home...
time for you to be the gate keeper...
BIGTIME...
where's the garuntee she doesn't move back home and then back out again..
no entrance to home till serious good counseling is established THIS DAY/WEEK
no entrance to home till she apologizes to daughter for putting her in this position...and considers family counseling...
daughter is NOT allowed to help mom...
mom needs to find help elsewhere........
phone numbers need changed
mom needs to agree to 10000000000% transperency...
cell phones need changed
mom needs to know up fron that husband and children do NOT trust her...so she can give up playing the "you don't trust me card"
she needs to earn it back............
slowly..............
ARK^^
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 248
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 248 |
Ark, Thank you for your candidness.
DD is only helping her unload at our home. She will not be over at OM's as I have made that place forbidden to her.
DD wants to help unload as their relationship needed mending way before A started. Believe it or not DD has been very firm in her stance throughout this 4 week ordeal, and I asked her opinon about WW coming home.
WW has been humbled ,embarrassed, and finalyy had the notion to swallow her pride and make the right descion.
Personally I felt all along that one day he would show his true colors and he has for the past week.
SH is right in that during an A , WW/Om were ignoring each others faults and only seeing the fantasy.
Fortunately I have taken the experts advice on here and not done any R talk during this plan A and she will find that it is indeed a "warm,claen" home She also saw that we were moving on with our lives, as she felt hers was placed on hold.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
1,138
guests, and
56
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,032
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
|
|
