My H and I are very happy and very much in love, making lots of plans for our future..even went to the FOW's neighborhood yesterday on business with my H, he pulled right into the neighborhood with me, without any sign of reservation or anxiety from him...talking about moving to another city to never worry about seeing her again period...

After reading WAT's post, in which he said, coming here was keeping him thinking of infidelity everyday, I started to wonder about this...

I really feel the need to give back what I have gotten here. I gain personal satisfaction from helping others here. However, I am beginning to wonder if I belong...

MEL, PEP, ORCHID, CSUE, JL...any others...

How have you resolved this issue? Do you wonder what your life would be like without MBers? What keeps you coming? What will I miss? What do I gain? Have you been at this place? What is it called?

I know these are questions that I will have to answer for myself. Just wondered your thoughts about this....

Mimi-

I am certainly no veteran, but I think it takes the vets to help those of us that are still in the trenches dealing with it right now.

One thread that really helped me was your Plan B. It showed me how it works and what you went through. When you each make reference to what your WS did/what you went through, it makes it easier for me to understand and to see light at the end of the tunnel. The vets have been through it and know what is "typical" and WS script. Whereas, those of us dealing with it right now, do not have this insight or objectivity. Losing the vets who point us in the right direction would be disasterous. If any good can come of the pain you endured, this is it. It's why I offer to answer people's questions re: the WS as I have been one as well as a BS. I want to help others too. My hope is to save my own M, but I want some good to come of this even if that does not happen.

Imp<<<-------- would hate to see you go

Mimi
I am at a place where I need to stop dissecting Squids affair and my own painful experiences to help others on these boards.

In truth our life is olargely very happy now, not helped when I rake over my past hurts for others. Squids and my biggest challenge is building a NEW marriage that works for both of us rather than dealing with a now dead affair.

My advice to you is some that I am taking myself. You know how in airline safety presentations they say " fit your own oxygen mask before helping others" ?

Ithink its time for YOU certainly, and maybe ME too to concentrate on that which is GOOD in our lives and not continue to dissect the past.

I will bring my 'toolkit' post up to date and that can be my legacy here to help newer BS.

Maybe you could assemble a 'mimi's advice' thread ?

In nay case I think if you leave here and fix your marrige the last tenth, it will be to the benfit of you, your H AND the folks on these boards that you will be able to help in the future.

You're inspiring Mimi. To me and MANY others here. Go make a fantastic marriage and show up again here when you are so strong it doesn't detract from your life.

All blessings.

I back off when I feel I need to for personal reasons .... usually with no discussion or explaination ..... to me it's not a very big deal

if it bothers you ... cut down or stop

if it someway helps you .... continue at a pace or volume that is workable for you

pretty pragmatic and simple .... that's how I see this

leaving MB forever would not be a big deal in the longer scope of life .... know what I mean?

PS Mimi

I know when to stop doing something ... and I believe you do too.

When any activity no longer pays dividends, it's time to look at either a new activity, or a way to refresh interest in the old activity.

When MB ceases to amuse me, or educate me, or challenge me ... I will just *poof* disappear with no announcement, no fanfare, and no gold watch <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I was going to say pretty much the same.

I will quit visiting and posting when I quit learning from MB. I'm STILL learning.

I have the same feelings you do sometimes. I don't post much, but I do when I see someone that I feel is experiencing something similar to what I went through and I think my experience might be helpful.

There are times, mostly recently that I have felt visiting here was more hurtful than helpful. I also have two friends struggling with A's in their M's and have been trying to help them. Talking about it has brought up past hurts as well as highlighted how far my FWH and I have come. So I guess it is mixed. But I do feel that I should help others that need it and share my experiences.

I think the one unresolved issue for me is lack of evidence of remorse from my H. He has said he is sorry in many different ways, just not MY way! If it were me I think I would have gone deeper or tried to something dramatic to demonstrate how sorry I was. I think if that were not an issue, I would find it easier to be here.

Mimi, for me, I find it very rewarding to help people here and give back what was given to me. I also truly like the people here.

I have never been in an internet commmunity before [and I have been in many] where so many people have the character traits I so admire. It just amazes me sometimes how much intelligence, decency, morality, justice, brilliance exists here. The flagrant mediocrity and intellectual bankruptcy of political correctness doesn't survive for 2 seconds on this forum. There is a strong culture of common sense and decency here that I don't find elsewhere. I CRAVE that kind of companionship and intellectual stimulation.

As far as constantly being reminded of infidelity, I am reminded in a positive way. I am reminded that I have SO MUCH to be grateful for and I am also reminded that others can have the same thing too, if they just follow this program.

I am sorry to say this, Mimi, but the truth is that this forum would be worse off without you. Your contributions to this forum are enormous. You would be very missed, and I don't say that lightly.

Do I get to add my $0.02 worth, Goddess?

If I have your permission:

I once voiced my concern to you that H may be troubled by your presence here. I guess I would raise that question again.

And....the good of your M takes precedence over anything you do here, no matter the amount of good to others. Only you can judge if it is time for a swan song.

As you may recall, I recently suggested that I might quit posting as I'm afraid my sitch might discourage some newcomers as a "failure".

So....we would all (myself chief among them) miss you very, very much <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />. However, you allegiance has to be to yourself and your H, first and foremost.

Georgia

Mimi, we would certainly miss you terribly, but as has been said on this forum many times, YOU MUST DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

BTW, Pep is playing tumblebugs <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's not resolved and never will be for anyone. It remains a daily CHOICE. As FGG put it, and I agree wholeheartedly: the good of your M takes precedence over anything you do here, no matter the amount of good to others. Only you can judge if it is time for a swan song.





Yes. More time on my hands for other things that I hope would have the potential do as much good as bringing comfort and hope to those who are devastated by the emotional hurricane and tsunami of infidelity.



The people I can potentially help a little by being "one still small voice" (okay, maybe not so still and quiet from time to time) that stands against the ploys of Satan to attack the holy covenant of marriage that God established. Most of us are, or were at one time, adrift in a violently tossing sea of emotions and anguish and fear. It NEVER hurts to have someone try to toss out a lifeline that can maybe be grabbed onto and give HOPE.



Yes Mimi, I've been at "this place" you speak of several times. It's called (to me) "time to recharge your batteries." You can only be "on so long" before finite human resources begin to fail and the light begins to fade. You need TIME to rest and recover. IF the need to pass on the help you received from GOD is strong, you can't deny God's calling. He WILL use whomever He wishes and YOU may well be one part of His plan to "work all things for good in the lives of those who believe in Him."

God bless.

Take a break. Take a weekend in the Mountains. Go fishing on a quiet lake. Pack a lunch and have a picnic with your husband, alone in your home or alone in a glade somewhere. Act 20 and "in love" again, no matter who is around...let them stare in amazemement and wonder (or maybe just disbelief that anyone "mature" could be so wild and carefree) while you bust out in a huge smile inside.

Thank God for your blessings and for letting you help in some small way to advance His plan.

God bless.

How you doing, mimi?

I don’t really view myself as a veteran yet (since I’m still learning on these boards and still need some advice and opinions from others from time to time), but I do want to share this:

A while ago Mrs. Wonderings posted the following -

"I believe that in life we must take, either what we have been dealt, or what we've chosen to pick up, and then use those experiences to shape us into something better than even, we ourselves, had originally envisioned. I think that we must then take the personal gains that we collect from life lessons and use them, to the best of our ability, for the benefit of others..."

I have the same philosophy and Mrs. Wonderings words above explains the main reason why I’m still posting here – basically to give back to others and find meaning out of the negative experiences in my live and the lessons I have learned from it.

I would say these boards are very “addictive” in some ways –but in a “healthy” way. I would say I have a “healthy” EA with this board(s). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> But I do have times I’m back of a bit and not reading and posting much.

I find it very stimulating to help others and in a certain way it fills a very deep need of me: My whole life I wanted to be in a job where I could emotionally provide help, support & advice to others (something like a psychologist, social health worker or whatever), but unfortunately my life didn’t work out that way and today I find myself in an administrative position and are stuck here in the office the whole day. Very boring and unfulfilling… But posting and reading on these boards (whenever I find the time during work) helps to fulfill that need for me. I also read a lot of psychological books and maybe some time in the future I will start to study in the psychological direction to get a formal qualification in this field – and then take it forward from there.

FOREVER,

Thanks for asking about me. I just loved your post. I loved what everyone had to say and was so overcome by the messages that I received that I don't think that I have enough of the right words to share my feelings.

FOREVER, you of all people understand this. I'm still here on MB because I feel called to be here. I listen to what the SPIRIT tells me. Right now, here is where I belong..I feel the need to give back and help others and I am certainly continually helped and healed by my experiences here.

As Pep said, when it's time for me to go, I will know. I certainly would miss Pep making me LOL almost every time that I read her posts...

As Susan said, I'm still definitely learning and growing here.

As Melody said, this is a community to which I belong. The people here have walked in my shoes. The people here speak my language. There is no other place like this for me...

Yes. I think of infidelity every day. For me, that is NOT A BAD thing. It continues to compel me to be the best person, wife, mother, friend, colleague that I can be. I feel proud of my accomplishments- of having walked through this long, dark,cold, nasty and smelly alley and have come out on top of a mountain into the light of a warm, sunshiny day.

As Georgia questioned, my H does not mind me being here. To my H, MB is equivalent to any pasttime that has the potential of intruding upon his time with me. So, as long he does not feel neglected by my time here, he's fine...

I am a happy person for the first time ever, I think. I am definitely scared about this and keep wondering if I am dreaming. I'm trying to feel OK about allowing myself to be happy, not being anxious, not waiting for the next bomb to burst..

I'm in love, my H is definitely very much in love with me...

IT'S TRULY A MIRACLE....WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Sure sounds like Romans 8:28 being fulfilled in your life.

And yes, I DO understand.

God bless you and keep you and make His countenance shine upon you, and give you peace.

Thanks FH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />