I have been happily married for ten years and have one 7 year old daughter. I found out in May that at age 34 I was pregnant with our second child. My husband was very positive and supportive to me and my daughter who were upset by finding out this unexpected news.

My husband has always been a kind, gernerous, loving husband, father, and friend to all. Our family was the envy of many because of our sucess and happiness in so many areas.

I found out at the end of July that my husband had been seeing a younger, married with 3 children, woman for the past 2-3 months. This information devestated me. He stayed with his parents as the truth unraveled and I went through shock and anger.

He came home about a week later at "my request" to make the marriage work. During this time I decided to put 100% into our marriage, make him feel needed and desired, find forgiveness, and rekindle the lost love. He denied seeing her during this time.

During this 2 or 3 week period, he talked very little, drank 4-5 beers in our bed each night, and seemed to be wallowing in misery. He told me that he still loves me and denied being "in love" with her, but said he cared a lot about her.

He woke up and told me that he had not seen her but he was not "getting his feelings back". At this breaking point, I asked him to leave. He made NO hesitation except to say that he wanted to "be there" for me and our daughter and baby.

He now seems willing to do what ever next move that "I" decide on. He doesn't want to be responsible for any decision that is made. Although he is only 35, he has all of the symptoms of a mid-life-crisis (whatever that is). I feel there is no excuse for his decisions and that my husband has vanished and someone else is in his place. He doesn' sound, look or act like the man I know and have loved almost half my life.

Any advise would be appreciated.

EXPOSE the affair to her husband ...

... because exposure is one of the ways you can make sure that the A does not re-kindle ...

and OW's husband has a right to know of the affair !

I did the day I found out.

and .... what was her husband's response/reaction/plan?

If your H takes off, it means the A is 'back on' ... and you call OW's H and tell him.

I found his name and number on the internet and then showed up at the listed address the day after I found out. It was his parents address, but his mom called him and he met me only to tell me that she had told him that morning on the phone and was currently packing her things to leave him.

Ohhhhhhhhhhh.... so OW has moved out of her home???? Yes?

Her husband's reaction at the time was that he would do anything to make his marriage work, he knew something was going on, and this had happened in their marriage a couple of years before. They had (he thought) a christian marriage but he knew temptation was a "problem" for her. She is the one that has called my husband on several different occasions in the last couple of years to see "how his marriage was because she wasn't happy". I thought that my husband would resist, but maybe brag to me if such a thing happened. My husband never told me about any of this until after the fact, or I would have tried to create a plan of action to take. It might not have mattered, who knows??

marriedwchildren

I am sorry you are going through this...Please stay and read the articles on this sight. Also, there are many people here who have just found out, or are working threw it, or have been able to reconsile and move past an affair. If you want to save your M then there are folks here who can be a support for you as it will be a long process.

I am not dealing with an A (at least I believe so) but the way I understand it, it will not be easy for your H to cut of all contact with the OW. It sounds like his reaction to cutting all contact or trying to, was exactly what I have seen on here time and time again. It is like withdrawl for them. It is hard on them. I can only imagine how hard it is on you, and to try to be understanding of your H's situation CANNOT be easy!! But, it really sounds like his respond was not that different from others here...If you want to save your marriage don't give up on him, just because he is still lost in a "fog".

Read up on what you can do...
Expose is the first one...
Plan A is probably the next step...others will give you more on that...

All the best...and welcome to MB.

Daisy

I'm not totally sure of all the abbreviations yet, but I assume OW=other woman H=husband A=affair and so on. He did admit that they were having an affair and it was happening during his work days at hotels and such. He sells insurance by appointment and travels all over the area daily. There is no way of knowing where he is, who he's with, or if he has tried to make a sell that day or not. It has always just been complete trust on my part and he carries his cell phone all the time to stay in contact.

I'm sure I'll get a lot of good advise. I just wish he were asking for advice from anyone!