Ok, for those of you following my story, the cell phone bill came in. God reveals in his own time. He has twice now revealed the cell phone bill when w/h is going out of town.
On this cell phone bill were text messages placed to o/w. I have not confirmed this yet, but I'm pretty sure it is to her. He sent over 8 text-messages in a row, two to three minutes apart. All of these happened on 8-21, one day after discovery. Husband dropped by from work today on his way out of town to his meeting. I was sitting at the kitchen table when he came in. He asked what I was doing, I told him I was looking over cell phone bill. He went to the bathroom, and I circled the 8 text-messages in a row on the bill with my red ink pen. I left it on the table for w/h to see when he came back in the room. He ignored the paper, other than a glance, he was unusually talkative. He left, and a few minutes later called me. He was jabbering about something, and I was quiet and occasionally said mhum, really. He said he was going to call dd and hung up. He called back after awhile, again jabbering about something dd was doing, and still overly talkative and nice (unusual behavior). I said, "Well I got to go, I have to go help your mom eat dinner."
He knows that I know about the text-messages circled on the phone bill and is waiting for the shoe to drop. When I exposed o/w and w/h to administrator, she told me that o/w had said w/h had been trying to contact her. I told w/h this, he denied, denied, and denied.
So now I have him in a lie, and I need some of the more experienced posters to help me think of how I can introduce radical honesty to him, redefine my boundries to include, w/h leaving the home if he chooses to contact o/w, marriage conseling or doing the self help marriage builders questioneers.
He has not contacted her, I would guess in the past two weeks. Things have settled down, he has stopped calling people all the time and he is more stable. There is not the urgent need to talk to all his friends like he was in the weeks prior to discovery and the week after discovery.
I want him to be honest with me. If I am ever to trust him again, he has to come clean with me. Thank god, I have new insight on my behavior. I am calm, and totally in control of myself. Thanks to the help of my fellow board memebers and Dobson' Love has to be tough, I am fully in control.
Ok, BobPure, Ark, Melody and all the others, let the advice flow.

kds, I am not good at these kinds of talks, the others you mentioned ARE, but I would say that in a general way, you have to begin by being honest yourself. By that, I mean, he needs to know how you feel about everything, including the future of your marriage. He needs to know that you are willing to stay with him if he is willing to do the hard work it takes to rebuild trust. He needs to know your boundaries and what you think it will take to rebuild your marriage.

If it were me, I wouldn't waste 2 seconds with your average MC, but would go to Steve Harley. He is very pro-marriage and is simply the best at opening up a reluctant WS if it is possible. He is worth every penny and won't waste your time.

Anyway, those are the things I think you need to discuss with him. Many others here are better than I on the best ways to approach him, but he does have to be approached....openly and honestly and safely.

Hoping to hear from Ark, PureBob Wonderings and others.

Bump