o.k. if you read my "Just found again" post, you'll know the situation I"m in. My W is continuously maintaining an online sexual relationship with a guy a thousand miles away, I caught her a couple times a year ago, and told her in clear, no uncertain terms, if this happens again there will be consequences. I am going to go see a marriage counselor on Thursday. But, have a question. I want the marriage to be over. I feel as though she has murdered our marriage. I know maybe I am to blaim, but my philosophy in life is one of christ's, to be humble and to serve is the greatest position to achieve. I have served her humbly, seeking no reward, I have given to her, financial support, house chore support, affectionate support, hugs, and kisses, and flowers, and special meals cooked for her, and so on. I have served her as a doormat for the past year to the best of my ability. During that year, she has maintained contact, and restarted intimate relations (albeit through a webcam and instant chat programs.) She says we don't need counseling and that everything is fine.
I spent the last 3 hours with one of my best friends and he is more angry than I am at what she has done to me. Maybe I'm just numb to the pain or in a stage of denial that this is happening to me.
I am very hopeful that I could easily find someone that is way much more caring, nice, loving, and trustworthy than her, and look forward to the joys and pains of dating again. Am I giving up too soon. I got a couple replies that think I should give this marriage up. It's my first and I"m 28 years old, and been married for 5 years. I don't see the rest of my life as being a good thing with her. I want to hear from others. My best friend is not a counselor, but is a good person and dated someone for 3 years that cheated on him, when they were thinking of getting married and he says I should terminate this and stand up for some self respect and dignity. I'm not that type of person, I keep thinking about her needs and what's going to happen to her, and not thinking about my needs.
I don't think of divorce as a way out. Because I feel as though we've been divorced for the past year, just not on paper.
I am pretending that I don't know what's going on, until I see the counselor Thursday. I need some backing to do what must be done. I love life, and I keep thinking about what hers will be like without me. Because she's not very experienced in the professional world. Her top pay being $7.50 an hour. She doesn't have many places to go and things could turn out really poorly for her. But, isn't that something she should have been thinking of when she's chosen to do this to me? I have several video files and a very extensive chat log of the past year as proof.
Please let me know if I should allow this semblance of a marriage to continue or not. I feel guilty, but feel hopeful about finding someone else.. Is this wrong?
