My husband and I are in the withdrawal stage. We still love each other very much, but haven't been the best of friends lately. We have been together seven years (4 married). About 10 months ago I started sleeping in the guest room, not because of marriage problems, but between his snoring and our two 60lb dogs, neither of us were getting a good nights sleep. We still enjoy a healthy sex life, despite our marital problems, bet we just sleep apart. I would like opinions on if this is healthy or not for our marriage? Could sleeping apart contibute to our growing apart? or caused it?

If "two 60lb dogs" are getting between you and your husband, then, well, maybe you need to invest in some fencing, and a nice comfy heated doghouse.

I'm sure if your husband is normal, having you move out of the bedroom hurt him. He probably deeply resents it - and resentment certainly results in distance.

-AD

It is mostly him that wants me to sleep in the other room. He is a light sleeper and suffers from insomnia at times. The slightest thing can wake him. We both agreed that sleeping apart would be good for both of us, to sleep better. I just wonder if it could cause or worsen problems?

Decaf,

I think this falls under the Policy of Joint Agreement (click on <concepts> at the top of any page and look for it there). By POJA, if you both enthusiasticly agree to something, then it is fine. Although you said that you both agreed, it sounds like you may not be enthusiastic about it.

Where do the dogs fit in with this?

Did your H say "If you have to sleep with those dogs, please sleep in the other room?"

You mentioned that his snoring was a factor, but now you say that it was mostly his choice that you sleep in different rooms. Was his choice a reaction to your complaints about his snoring?

I think the reasons behind it are important.

And the degree of agreement is also important.

Have the two of you discussed this over the last 10 months?

Have you tried staying in the same bedroom a few nights a week (say fri, sat) when you don't have to get up early?

How much interaction do you routinely have in the morning and at bedtime?

The question is "how happy are each of you with this arrangement?"

My divorce will be final in a week, but we went through a lot of goings and comings and other bedrooms and entire other dwelling places over the last 7 years. I can say that when my wife unilaterally decided to sleep in another room, I found it painful. Also, when we were separated the first time (4 years ago), and I would go to her apartment and we would go to bed together, she would ask me to leave sometimes at 2am. It was kindof like having an affair with my own wife. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I would be walking to my car in the middle of the night - not feeling bad - not feeling entirely good either.

So, if y'all are having as you say a "healthy s*x life", then perhaps neither of you is completly unhappy about this arrangement.

I can remember lots of times getting my arm slept on - and lying there for what seemed an eternity - not wanting to wake my wife by moving, and really wanting to sleep close - but being physically uncomfortable. At moments like that, the idea of a mutually agreed "space" for the pure business of really actually sleeping seemed attractive.

-AD

My husband and I are in the withdrawal stage. We still love each other very much, but haven't been the best of friends lately. We have been together seven years (4 married). About 10 months ago I started sleeping in the guest room, not because of marriage problems,

what are you speaking of..

what is the withdrawal stage..
withdrawal from what..

and what does we still love eachother...but haven't been the best of friends of lately...mean

why do speak of these things as if they are expected or natural

and why do speak of these things as if they are occurring without your consent and actions....

ark

Thank you! You asked some great questions and pointed out a few great ideas. In the beginning, we both enthusiastically agreed. We both love the dogs, we don't have children, so the dogs are a little overloved. I love the idea to try sleeping in the same room on the weekends. This could be a great compromise!
I'm sorry to hear of your divorce. It is one of the hardest things to deal with. Do you have children?

Decaf,

We have one daughter, almost 5yo.

She is the innocent one who suffers the most.

-AD