So anyways, I'm usually in the divorce forum these days since my marriage has moved towards that direction. In fact my divorce became final this last week. I'm glad just because of the closure that this will bring upon everything. It's hard to believe that I was married at the start of this summer. Maybe some of you will remember me.

Anyway, through all of this I've become quite close with my friends. Without them I wouldn't have enough support to get through this experience. In particular there is one couple who I've known for eight years who have been extremely helpful. I've spent time with them at least once every two weeks.

Well, this past weekend I was invited for a girl's night out with just my married friends wives. They were just trying to get me get out of the house for a night. It was overnight trip, so we drove to a nearby city to hit the drinking establishments and restaurants and to shop of course...

I had a great time hanging out with my friends and getting out of town. Everyone had fun. We got back to our room and passed out on the beds. I found myself laying next to my best friends wife who I have known for years. I always saw her as my sister and is my closest girl friend.

Well, she basically said that she really liked me, held my hand, put it on her chest, etc. I really didn't know what to say. Here was someone who I have known for years and my best friends' wife proclaiming all these admirations about me. The next day she said that she didn't want to stop with just what had happened the night before.

I know she is unhappy. She has a kid and is a stay at home mom. She has told me that she misses adult communication. I can tell she is wanting to be admired and be in love again. I don't know what to do. I told her I couldn't pursue and affair with her because of the circumstances.

It's just wierd. I mean, my WW did this stuff to me and now I'm in the same position!

Timn - it seems since she is your closest girl friend that she has become emotionally attached to you. If her husband is your best friend, it seems that you need to establish no contact with her, and tell him he better get some good marital counseling before he finds himself in a world of hurt. Give him Steve Harley's phone #.

Also - if you and her are very good friends - then you, too, are at great risk for falling for her and causing some serious pain. YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT. I wish I had someone tell me two years ago that my wife was neglected to the point of having an affair. As brutally as required for me to get the picture. And guide me to Marriage Builders. I sure would appreciate that person.

You have the opportunity to be that person. My advice: do it.

far

Just coming from a divorce I can see this train wreck about to happen with my best friend and his wife. If she doesn't have an affair with me I'm sure it will be with someone else soon. I also understand that I there is a possiblity of me falling for her since I'm just coming out of a divorce. Ugh.

Timn,
this will do absolutely nothing for YOUR healing. Unless you love misery, you will run from this situation as fast as you can. You better put your hardhat on, because I sense there will be a barrage of 2x4's coming your way very soon.
All that aside and most importantly, there is the moral aspect of this to consider. Personally, I cant see anything good coming from going out of town with a bunch of married women and partying with them and staying in a hotel. Have you not learned anything while you were here? Please tell me you are just yanking our chains about this and were looking for a sick chuckle.

Yikes! Too much mixed-gender drinking with emotionally vulnerable people! Run away! Run away!

Hi Timn420,

I think when you care about someone a lot you tend to offer the same kind of care to his / her spouse, in the same way that your partner will go out of their way to get to know your friends very well. It especially happens when people start to confide in and trust one another.

For example, my best friend and his wife have lots of problems, as I have known both of them since before they even met each other, it seemed natural for both of them to involve me in many of their discussions and to both turn to me for advice. Although I have known his wife for ages and never considered her even when we were both single and would even say that she is not particularly attractive to me, the more we discussed their issues and bonded the higher the sexual tension got between us. Luckily, I have been lurking here for a long time and drastically reduced contact when I noticed that she was starting to jokingly flirt with me more frequently. Furthermore, I have informed both of them that I do not feel I have anything more to offer them in terms of advise and that they should visit an MC asap. The reduced conact along with the fact that we live 300 miles apart has cooled things off.

I guess what I am trying to say is that these situations happen all the time when couples are going through problems. Although she may end up in an affair anyway, you have to ensure that you are not the jerk who was too stupid to avoid this situation.

All I had to read was you, a man, being invited on and participating in a girls night out.

That is about as dangerous as you can make it. Were you the only man there? Did this seem like a good idea at the time?

Married and single folks, opposite sexes, sharing hotel rooms, drinking, so on...and so on.

If that isn't a list of risk factors, I don't know what is.

If you need to get out, can you get out with male friends?

I guess I find it odd that, based on the level of information due to this forum I have now about As and the kind of fertile grounds they start in, that this scenario did not scream red flags and no to a BS.

I don't mean to be offensive, I am just surprised.

I should have known better. I feel like I've let myself down. My WS left me for OM with two kids.

I've known this group of people for a long time and had always seen them just as friends and nothing more. I had even lived with the wife/husband for three years before they were married.

I'm kind of shocked in thinking that I was stronger then all of this and that I would recognize the red flags, but I didn't. Fresh from a divorce, I have to admit that it was even an ego boost in that someone admired me. However, I realize this situation is extremely dangerous and I'm still very emotionally wrecked. I also don't want to be a jerk and have an A with my friends wife. There's too many of those around already.