New guy here. Aug 13 I found out my wife had slept at least twice with ex-husband. I then flew off the handle and kicked her out. She tells me they have had no contact but what am I to believe. It hurts so bad because I was under the assumption she wanted nothing to do with this man. does the crying ever stop? Anyone have some insight with this situation? we've been talking some but she gets mad when i bring him up and doesn't want to talk about it. Well I need to talk about it. we'll be starting counseling this week but i feel her heart isn't in it. I started divorce but then put on hold. I'm so lonely and hurt. Also tired of crying in front of friends/family and co-workers.

it's too soon for you to talk about divorce; once you can think clearly then you will be able to make good choices. if you love here enough to work it out then hang in there. her guilt may be preventing her from talking about it. express to her that you need to talk about it. sorry you are so hurt i was always under the impression that men do not hurt or cry.

Hello Jasper9652,

Sorry to see you are in this horrible pain too. D-day for me was in August and I STILL have episodes of uncontrollable tears. My H had an entire marriage behind my back with his ex-wife and it went on for nearly 3 years. All contact with ex was under the guise that the old marital home needed repairs or the kids (ages 22 & 24 now) needed Daddy for something, he had to pick up his mail, etc.

It's such a slap in the face to discover the one you love is WILLING to take your blind trust and use it to con you. For ANY reason!

Take heart, Jasper, the tears will lessen over time as you process the discovery of the A. Read the articles and posts on MB and you'll find you are not alone in this misery.

Best of luck on the MC, I hope your W opens up and you two can be in recovery soon.

Love, OPO

She does not want to talk about it? She has sex a couple of times with her ex husband, betrays her marriage vows, puts your health at risk and she does not wish to talk about it.
You better talk about it because there is no chance at recovery if you do not get to the root. If she refuses to discuss it then I suggest you seek out an attorney to protect your emotional and fiancial interests. If she refuses to discuss it then the chances are pretty good she will do it again. Don't let yourself be a doormat. She should be doing everything to get you back and showing remorse and honesty. Don't settle for this. She is still disrespecting you. You deserve better.

Well I can attest that men do cry. I never thought I was like this either. What makes it so hard is SHE made the choice to reject me/my feelings and our wedding vows. Then the deception that went on for who knows how long and finally the betrayal. After that statement why am I still longing for her and missing her? Can we work things out? Will I ever feel normal again?

My friend you are in shock. What you are feeling is quite normal and the next stage will be the anger stage. You were a whole person before you met her and will be afterwards. I do not know how long you have been married but she made a deliberate choice to betray her vows and put your health at risk. It is up to you to decide if she is the only woman you wish to spend the rest of your life with. Remember you have choices also. The fact that she continued to have sex with her ex-husband indicates that she still has great feelings for him and never got over him. It is something for you to think about. I wish you luck.

Just a few updates. I may ramble some so please excuse me. My wife and I started consuling last week. we are going seperately at first. Have others done this? When I found out about affair I told her to get out and she's now living with her son. I assummed she'd be with OM. We have seen alot of each other lately. She even made me some supper last night and brought it over. We watched a movie together the last 2 nights but I came to a realization that if we're watching movies we're not talking so this may not be such a good thing. We still haven't had any of the TOUGH discussions i feel we need. Our consuler told me once we got into it that it'll be evident fairly soon what she (or I) want. Do you agree with this? What have been your experiences? The day to day emotional roller coaster has leveled out some but mostly with the help of my doctor and chemicals. What I really need is to talk! Be it with her or anyone. Lonliness is a huge problem for me. She seems to be making some kind of an effort. I was so easily decieved I don't know what to think about anything right now. May still be being decieved. I would really enjoy reading responses on here. I know i'm not alone in this and others have felt the same. whatever happens happens but I'll never be the same. I'll be ok but not the same. At times it seems the rest of my life will be driven by feelings of revenge/suspision/denial/what if's/

Hello again,

I think you are right in that she may wish to just sweep it under the rug and not talk about it. This is absolutely unacceptable. You need to find out the true reasons for her betrayal and why she was so willing to risk your marriage and crush your feelings. Communication is the key. Stop pretending that everything is normal because it is not. You need to discuss all of the issues and all of your feelings with her. Ask her why you should trust her again and why was it so easy for her to continue to decieve you. These are hard question but they must be answered for you to evaluate what you wish to do for the rest of your life. I wish you luck.