There was a bit in the sermon at my church this past Sunday that kind of struck me like thunder.
The pastor was speaking about people that come from an upbringing in which the father in the home didnt freely express his love for his children. The pastor said that what frequently happens is that this manifests itself later in the lives of the children as they seek to fill that void that was created in their youth. He said that as adults these kids sometimes bounce from relationship to relationship, not ever knowing why they dont feel fulfilled by their relationships. Constantly trying to fill that hole, never quite getting there, because they dont know what is missing. Obviously the healing is available to any that ask.
Thinking back about my STBXWW, I never once in 9 years heard either her mother or her father tell any of the kids (including STBXWW), that they loved them. Hugs were always few and far between, and seemed uncomfortable to both the giver and the receiver. Now, that being said, they always seemed to care quite a bit for each other. But there was never the outward expressions of love.
So, with this knowledge, I think I have gained a greater understanding of the dynamics involved in my STBXWW's A and our D.
I would like to hear other's thoughts on this.

Hey Tex,

My father NEVER expressed love for me or any of my sibs in specific terms. Neither parent was physically affectionate with us - hugs, pats on the shoulder, etc. We were also actively discouraged from showing physical affection for each other. However, we all certainly felt loved by our parents. As for how that affected our future relationships? Well, my sisters and I have each had difficulty showing the proper physical affection our husbands desire. However, we are all of us extremely loyal and faithful to a fault. I am a BS working on recovery. My brother has trouble with emotional connections, but fidelity has not been an issue for him. His 20-year marriage ended in D due to "incompatibility" as the offered reason but all of us suspect his W had an A (she remarried instantly when the D was final).

Long story short - what your pastor described can certainly be one result of such an upbringing, but not the only one.

Eagle,
In no way am I intimating that someone who is a product of this environment is destined to be a WS or to have problems as a result. In fact, that would be making an excuse for a WS's behavior. What I didnt mention, and I probably should have, is that my pastor was using this as an example of the importance of seeking fulfillment with God's love. If someone who is brought up in this environment, does not have the close intimate relationship with God, there is grave danger that they will continuously seek to fill that void in their lives. In retrospect, that is one of my failings as a BS. I didnt do what I needed to do to lead my marriage in a spiritual sense. A mistake I will never make again.

Gotcha. I understand. And yes, I totally agree that the intimate relationship with God is the key to it all. Peace.