Thank you all for the great feedback and great questions to my previous post of "Seperate Bedrooms"! This is what I was hoping for. I am new to this. It is so hard when your marriage is falling apart. I don't want to worry my family, or involve them in this very painful point of our marriage. My closest friends are getting impatient and think I should just give up, but I am not ready for that.

I said we are in the withdrawal phase, I was referring to "The three states of mind in Marriage", those being intimacy, conflict, and withdrawal.

My husband hasn't physically cheated, he started an online affair about a year ago. I believe him when he says he has never actually met her or anyone else, but he does admit to wanting to. I live in perpetual fear that he will cheat at any time. He says he wouldn't go that far because he knows he I would leave him. It kills me that that is the only reason he wouldn't do it! Not because he loves me so much, but because I would leave him. We go through periods of his "ending" the online thing, to me catching him again.
I feel lonlier than I have ever felt in my life. I wish someone knew all the answers and I could ask them for advice. I feel like Marriage Builders is great. I agree with all the concepts and ideas. It makes sense.

My H had an online A with someone 2000 miles away. Distance..... I thought like you did. Well she made it here. And it went from a EA to a PA just like that.

Do you want to wait for this to happen?

Start reading the site, you'll find out this is usually the way an A starts, he's in one now. You're enabling it because you don't think it's a real threat. Trust me, it is.

My wife had an online EA...and when confronted was all set to fly away and live with OM...even though they'd never met in person!

You need to take steps to completely break off the contact between the two of them. As long as it goes on, it's going to be a constant drain and threat to your marriage...there's just no other way to see this.

It feels like a real threat. I am disappointed in myself. My father had affairs on my mother. I saw the pain it caused. I swore I would NEVER tolerate it. When I read other posts, I think, why are these womoan staying and torturing themselves? And yet...here I am. Not leaving. I thought he was the one. I thought he would never do this. I am new..what does EA and PA stand for?

EA=emotional affair...no physical contact, but a definite emotional connection between the two. This is equally as devestating to a marriage and the BS (betrayed spouse) as a physical affair...at least in my opinion.

PA=physical affair. In other words the affair has progressed to the point where they are showing physical love to each other. You get the picture.

Make sense?

Perfect sense. I agree that an EA is equally as damaging. I feel it is more so, even! I am not a prude, and I understand that many men process sex differently than many women. Not that a PA is somthing to forgive and forget easily, but when emotions are involved and a bond is formed, that just feels....indescribably painful!

I personally think EA are far worse than PA, as a PA coud be defined as a one nighter. I believe it takes more to carry on a EA. And certainly EA's if left uninterupted natrually could lead in to a full blown PA.