I have been seeing this woman for several months and feel I am really falling for her. She has talked about her feelings being as deep for me as mine are for her. She has asked me on a couple of occasions if I could ever hit a woman and I replied with an explicit no each time. Well...that may just be the problem between us. She has a past history of being in abusive relationships and during those relationships has somehow developed a certain need for the "possibility" of abuse. I don't think she wants to be physically abused but just knowing that it could happen is what drives this desire. One of her last boyfriends does do that stuff and once in a while she would feel the need to call him up. She knows I will not hit her and she knows I will not stand for her to see him either. She only needs this particular need fulfilled by him because he is unable to fill any other of her needs. She really wants to get out of this cycle but doesn't know how. She is too embarrassed to go to a therapist. I told her I would do anything I could to help her but cannot find anything. Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks!

I think this is way beyond something that an individual can help with. She really needs professional help. And you would be foolish to get too involved until it's addressed.

If she and you really want this to work out, you'll get it addressed.

Not exactly what I was looking for but you may be right. I know this needs to be handled by a professional but I cannot get her to see one. I have explained to her that professionals are the last people on the earth who will chastise her about it. They want to help.

Thanks

C'mon you guys! I know there are a lot of people here who have had a lot of experience with many aspects of relationships. I was a member not too long ago under another name with another problem and had plenty of offers that really helped me through some rough times(not with this relationship though). I have finally broken away from that old screwed up M and have found someone who I really care about. Am I just supposed to quit because she has a problem that we don't know how to deal with. I can't do that knowing that she is really going to be hurt one day. Somebody please offer something.

So tell her yes you will abuse her if you had to!!! Seariously, tell her to see a therapist!

This board doesn't get a lot of traffic. I recommend you post somewhere else - possibly Emotional Needs board.

As for being too embarassed to go to a therapist, I will make no comment about the ridiculousness of that comment except for, "Gimme a break!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

This is the start of this woman's issues. If she is unwilling to get help, I'd be sure I kept on walking.

There is community-based mental health care in her area, probably. If she works for a good-sized employer, they may have an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) where she may be able to get some care absolutely free. My EAP provides up to 8 visits a year and I am not charged leave time to keep those appts.

But, until she is ready to ask for and receive help, I think you are spitting in the wind on this one.