I have been wondering this question alot lately and wanted to know if you all have the same thought.<P>Did your spouses/significant others stay with you to really work on re-building the marriage after their affairs, or do they only stay out of guilt because of kids? <P>Or, if you don't have kids, do they stay with you out of some guilt or obligation that they think you won't be able to handle a separation or divorce situation?<P>I can be just as miserable with or without him...<BR>

tired lady,<P>I stayed because of my son. My wife knows this. At first she was very unhappy about that, but I guess she's basically an optimist. I'm a pessimist but in this case I hope I can get loving feelings for my wife!<P>--andy

Airheart - don't you want more out of your marriage than that? I mean what happens when the kids leave the nest? Then what? I'm supposed to live in this loveless relationship with none of my needs being met?

<BR>Tired Lady,<P>I think my wife has stayed with me as long as she has mostly because she feels an obligation to the kids. She certainly has no regard for me or my feelings at this point. Hopefully, that'll change sometime in the future, but she's been very frank about saying that she doesn't know if she'll ever feel positively toward me again.<P>It's very clear that she is NOT committed to working on rebuilding the marriage. She has other priorities right now. She has a councelor she's been seeing to "help (her) decide what's best." She shares very very little of what goes on in these sessions and when I ask, I get vague, deceptive answers.<P>As an aside: One of my wife's complaints about me that I can't seem to get past is that she does not believe that I love her. I'm trying to figure out what it is that she bases this on, but she is deliberately vague when we talk about that kind of thing. I do as much as I can to show love, meet needs that I can meet, etc. but she is careful to discount my efforts because she thinks that I'm only afraid of being alone.<P>InSane<BR>

I stayed because I love my H... my kids are older teens (18,17,14). <P>When my H moved out for a short time, I was a wreck, both emotionally and physically. I realized how much I would miss if I didn't have him. <P>At this time, it's getting more difficult to hang in there... but I still believe that I made the right choice.<P>------------------<BR>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<BR>

tired lady,<P>Of course I want more out of my marriage!! I hope for those feelings of love every single day. Last night I wept in my wife's arms because they weren't there yet. We just have to keep trying. I figure it's worth it for my kid. He would be devastated and his life would be pretty much destroyed if we got divorced.<P>--andy

To be honest, I don't know why she satyed after the first affair. I think it was because I didn't ask for a divorce as I told her I would. I told her before we were married.<P>Now, I know she is staying because she feels guilty for the enormous amount of debt we accumulated because of her attempt to make herself feel good by buying things. One of the reasons she felt I wasn't meeting her needs was centered aeound my taking her check to pay bills. Her mother did the same thing to her when she was a child. My W has a lot of unresolved anger that goes back to her childhood. She also has no where to go and she has a comfortable life with me. However, I feel that she plans to leave once our financial picture is better. I am doing everything under the sun to let her know how much she means to me. She doesn't care that this is difficult for our boys though. She thinks they will be fine. How can she say that when she is the product of a broken family. She thinks she is okay. She is still hurting from what came of her parents dicorcing when she was a baby. Her mother took her anger out on my W.<P>Sorry for rambling.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

"I can be miserable with or without him"<P>Geez, there's a new marriage builders motto ....<P>

Maya, that is sad <P>I don't care why we are staying together, it is better to stay together. It is right to stay together. For whatever reasons he has or for whatever reasons I have.<P>In love feelings come and go, but commitment should never leave.

My husband stayed for our daughter...now it is for much more. <P>It is the right thing to do. For all we have built together, and yes he is loving me again. Although it isn't the new love like he just had. That feeling I am not sure can come after 17 years together. We will see. I am hopeful.<P>What ever the reason one comes to the decission to stay is the right reason. Don't dismiss it. Also at the time some people only see the kids as the reason. I think deep down it is more than that. There may be some exceptions. <P>I just know I am so glad that my daughter was only 13. Praise God! I now have the chance to work on this marriage. To show this man I love with all my heart that fact too.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>