It is eight months into the discovery. Lost does not begin to describe how confused and overwhelmed I feel at times. I have not got a clue as to which way to turn. I have completely shut down, I am beyond angry at my hubbie for doing this to me, to us, I cannot begin to explain. He blames me for everything and has put the onus on me to repair the relationship, is himself angry with me due to the lack of interest on my part to be intimate.I feel he has completely lost his sense of values, morals and is so self centered in his thinking. It just seems to me it is all about him, his needs that he has completely forgotten about me, about us. His affair was three years ago, he promised he ended it, I found out a week after I got home from the hospital that is was continuing all along, the lies, it all makes me so mad, the betrayal again is killing me inside to the point I have literally shut down. I am furious at him for making me feel like a failure when I know I tried hard, I am furious at him for blaming me and making me feel I have to do all the work to repair the damage. He is making me feel nuts. Someone please help me!

My whole post just vanished. I went thru something similiar. My exWH blamed me. My IC told me to pretend he was siting next to me and tell my H that he was blaming me for what he did. I did not make him see an OW and secretly e-mail her. Or make him lie to me regarding what he was doing. I also told him when I found his e-mail account that I wanted a D. I was done -had had enough. I could not give anymore. I would stay long enough for us to decide what to do with our things. ect. I went thru this A for almost 3 yrs as well. Stinks - worse then stinks. It destroys you. I was so crushed. Mine hs worked and worked hard. I have been able to give him some back now. I remain vigilant and will for a long time to come. That is his making.

Are you sure that he is not still in the fog or maybe still in contact? What do you know about this OW? Is she married. Has this A been exposed?

Icspots43,

I'm so sorry you are feeling so defeated! But the feelings you describe are normal. Anger, confusion, bitterness, incredible hurt, etc.

Can you tell me a little more of your sitch? What you're read, tried, that sort of stuff? Did you do a NC letter? Are you sure the A is over?