My wife had an affair almost a year ago. since then we have moved to a different state. We are about 1200 miles away now. We had went to counseling and it was working some. We do not have insurance now so we can not go. I have been a little suspusious of my best friend so I put a recorder on the phone line before I went to work one day. and the day My wife called the guy she had the affair with last year. He asked how she was behaving and she said she was being good because he wasn't here. She also talked about us some and saying how she only has sex with me to shut me up and and she just pretends I am someone else. She also told him when I work so he knows when to call. She also told him about my best friend, and one night when we were at his house he got in the hot tub with my wife while I was in the pool and he started rubbing her leg, she didn't stop him or saying anything, he stopped when I got in the hot tub. And she never said a word to me. I have been friends with this guy for 22 years and his wife is my wifes best friend. I am just so confused I am ready to blow up. I have no clue what I should be doing. Is it wrong for me to listen to her conversations?

If you suspect that there is something inherently wrong in your marriage (that your wife may be involved in an affair, be it emotional or physical) then there is nothing wrong in taking the steps needed to verify the truth. Now, legally you have to be careful about some things...you can install keylogger software on a computer you own without any issues for example...but if you install it on her laptop that was provided by her work, you'd be at risk for criminal prosecution.

Don't worry about whether or not HOW you found out that she's doing this stuff is right or not...the REAL issue now is "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW?"

Plan before you take ANY action. Plan for the best (she admits that she was wrong, and freely works with you to take any steps needed to reconcile your marriage) and plan for the worst (she denies everything and threatens divorce).

THEN take action. Decide what info you need to meet your plans, and do whatever you have to do (legally) that will help you fulfill your plans.

To help decide on some plans of action, read all the info on this site...not just the forums, but all the information that Steve Harley has compiled here. It, combined with all of the experiences of the people here on the forum, should help you come up with some ideas on how to proceed next.

I am so sorry for you. I would ask what is the point in being in a marriage with a wife who treats you with such disrespect and humiliation. Counseling is a must but maybe you would be a whole lot better without her? I wish you luck.

The affair is still going on. Your wife even said that it would still be physical if the guy was in the same town.

Did you expose the affair to everyone? Do this right away. Expose again if you did last year.

If you are really angry right now, plan your method of exposure here.