Finally decided today to casually bring up the fact that WH seems more "married" to his work phone lately than ever(lifeline to OW in my opinion). I do not have any proof of contact lately though & it is driving me crazy not to know for sure.

Anyway, as WH was getting ready to leave I said to him "It sure does seem like you are attached to your work phone lately."

WH:"Not any more than usual. I always carry it with me & I had to charge it while I was sleeping. I always carry both of my phones with me."
ME: "Well, your work follows you everywhere. Even into the bathroom. Does your office require you to have it everywhere with you?"
WH: "No, but I bet they'd like for us to."
ME: "Yeah, I don't see why you need to carry it with you everywhere when you aren't working."
WH: "I use this for more than just work."
ME: "Well, I noticed that OW's numbers are still keyed in. Is there a real reason for that?"
WH: "I guess only if I want to call her, which I haven't done in a long while."
ME: "I don't see any reason for her numbers to be keyed in there still. I have said that I will not be a part of a Love Triangle. I will have no part of that."

Then, I sweetly walked out of the room. I am so proud of myself as I did all of that calmly and in a nice tone of vocie. Matter of fact. That is how it is.

WH finished getting ready to leave & I cheerily told him to have a good work out, don't break a leg. Smile, Smile. Give us a call when you are heading back.

I called OWH this AM to see if he had any suspicions & to ask him if he had mentioned to OW about our recent e-mail activity. He said No that he hadn't brought it up yet & that he didn't know of any contact. Said he would keep his eyes open, but it was very tricky to catch them. That they had done a good job of keeping it all under wraps before, so who's to know???

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Re-exposed 11 days ago.....WH sleeping in extra room. Not wearing wedding ring.....

I think you did just fine. Nice work. Plan A does not hide from the truth. Well done.

Kimberely,

This kind of cat and mouse BS would drive me crazy. You are a very strong woman to be able to deal with it in the manner described above.

As far as I am concerned the burden of proof on the A being done is on the WS not the other way around.

I wish you strength and best of luck

Does he erase his call history? Can he ask for an itemized invoice from his work? (he should be able to do so...because most companies maintain those so that the user of the phone can be required to pay for high personal usage). Is there ANY reason why he can't SHOW you that he's not contacting her? How about agreeing to let YOU hold the phone when he's not at work and the two of you are together...so that he can reassure you that he's not getting/making calls/texts from OW? IF he's in NC, then this shouldn't matter to him...but if he refuses, it sure does add fuel to the fire, does it not?

Again, the onus should be on him to PROVE that he's trustworthy again.

Yep, the burden is on him but he is not willing to prove it or willing to commit to NC. He "tries" to do NC. All the time stating how he is in love with OW and misses her. I don't know if he has tried to contact her or not. OW is or was mad at WH for telling me about the last contact. WH whines that there is "hardly a relationship there." with OW. To me that means he is still trying to contact her. Whether or not she answers his calls? I don't know.

Therefore, he most likely would not volunteer his phone up to me if I asked for it. He is an unwilling participant in this whole break up the affair thing. He is not sure if he wants to work on the M at all. So, I am just hanging in there waiting to catch him with Contact then most likely will go into Plan B. He seemed to be in withdrawal on Sunday which was a good sign. Maybe there wasn't contact??

I will keep checking his phone to see if OW's numbers are keyed in.

Thanks!

Kim

I am just curious here.........but what is the nature of his job that requires him to have a work phone by his bed side.......I am deathly curious to know.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Kim:

Are you being honest when you say "I will have no part of that".....Honestly, and I say this with a soothing and compassionate tone.........I do NOT believe you. This is not how I see it.

I could be wrong.....explain it to me.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Kim, can you go buy a tape recorder bug at Radio Shack and put it in his vehicle? I suspect he is very much still in contact with the OW. He has no intention of breaking up with her.

Just so I am clear on all of this Kim, if you do as Melodaylane says and buy a radio shack recorder and **catch** him in active contact and continuing the affair (which in your heart of hearts you know you already) are you going into Plan B? Is that right?

These are important times for you. You have to be firm in your plan. If you waver, you lose credibility. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. You seem a little shaky on what you are going to do when you confirm contact.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

LM - I really will not be a part of it. It took me a long time to expose the right way so I am kind of lagging behind & I am finally getting strong and firm. The old me wouldn't have even brought up that I knew her #'s were still in his work phone(he used to ber OW's supervisor). I wanted him to know that I knew that he still had her #'s keyed in and that I wanted them removed.

& No, as of right now he has not removed them but at least I voiced my thoughts instead of keeping them inside.

WH really does NOT need his phone bedside. He works night & on occasions it has been handy b/c he has overslept. Someone will beep him if he is not in by a certain time. He has just always had his charger in the bedroom or bathroom so that's where his phone stays at night. It really is ridiculous.

I do feel like it will be time to go into Plan B - I have an appointment with SH in a couple of days so he can also help me with a plan. I truly believe I am prepared for it mentally, but have done nothing on paper as far as preparing a letter, making arrangements & deciding how to get WH out of the house. He is too comfortable with the way things are right now.....

ML - are you referring to the digital type recorder that one of the other posters was talking about in the snooping post? I think that is the only way I can catch him. I am concerned about placing it in a spot where he won't find it.

I will need lots of help planning out Plan B.

Tonight as WH was going to bed he questioned me about where I got the idea about contacting the OWH. He said that he read a lot of the material I had(SAA) and that he didn't see it in there anywhere. I told him I had read it here. He said that he bet it didn't cover this situation - staying in touch with a felon. He said OWH should really be in jail. I told him it was late, that I really didn't want to talk about it right now. I would be happy to discuss it tomorrow. I said that I wanted to go to bed feeling good tonight and not go to bed with the two of us angry. He said fine & went up to bed.

Thanks,

Kim

If he trashes the OWH again, just say "that's nice, dear, but he is not the one having an adulterous affair with someone's wife."

Don't let him bait you into a silly fight where you end up defending yourself for busting him for screwing around with this man's wife.

And yes, I am referring to that digital type recorder that was mentioned on another thread. Can you go shopping tomorrow?

Why is it that I can't remember your words when I need them? Repetition & it will sink in. That's why I just sent him on up to bed ......He said "I assume you are still in contact with OWH." Yeah, & I assume you are still in contact with OW(I should have said that!!!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I believe I can stop by Radio Shack & pick up one. I wonder if they will let me trade in my mini-cassette recorder that I got a month ago???? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I'll need help in hiding it. Many times he puts things under his seat so that's not really a good spot.

Kim

It is the voice activated digital voice recorder. About $85 at Radio Shack. Plus purchase a bunch of batteries (much cheaper at Costco). It does not have to be placed that near the person, just the room they are likely to talk in. Put it up high on a shelf behind or in a vase or in his car under the driver's seat (use some double-sided mounting tape to secure it to the floor underneath the seat cause you don't want it sliding out on quick acceleration or deceleration). Further, be careful when placing it that you don't turn it off accidentally. Nothing worse than a day you think you got 'em than to have nothing on the recorder. You may also end up recording and listening to a lot of music on the radio, not ideal but so what. I suggest you practice with it at home. It is easy to erase the dead parts once you get the hang of it.

ACT OUT

If I remember there policy is 30 days cash back return and 90 days for in-store credit. Either way I think your covered.

Try reaching way up under the seat but figure out how to secure it without covering the speaker/microphone. You may not get the best reception. Trial and error.

ACT OUT

The car will be the place where I need to put it. I am still not sure if under the seat is a good spot. Everytime I go out to his car to snoop there is always something under both seats. Water bottle, mouth wash, work related stuff too.....

Kim

Cool about the return. I don't think I have my receipt though. Nor the box. I purchased on a cc so I could dig up records that way.....I wonder if that would work?

Kim

Is taping someone without them knowing it illegal??

Kim

Pay cash and hide the receipts very well. If you get caught deny, deny, deny.

It's not like he is sticking his head down there he just reaches under and pulls out what he needs/wants. If you can find a way to secure it then it won't just pop out. Maybe the passenger seat will work better or tucked in between the backseat cushions.

Does he ever go hide in the garage to talk on the phone that may be a place to consider.

ACT