Well, I got a sign from God today. I was crusing my e-mail and found an old address that we used to use. I logged in to it and what do you think I found.<BR>Oh, yes. Current love letters!!! H kept telling me that he didn't talk to her anymore that they are just friends. Well, these letters sure tell a differnt story. H told me this weekend that he was moving into a differnt apt so that d could have her own bdrm. He told her in the letter that he had to do it to 'Call My Bluff". He goes on the say that he wants he to move in with her and that since they live 100's of miles apart that is the only was. She is trying to convince him to move where she is.<BR>He also says that he is human with needs and he wants only to have sex with her, but because that is not possible because of the distance between them that he has "Made an Appointment for Sex". (Soliciting Prostition- I THINK SO)<BR>She says that her other affair is hitting on her again and my h told her to stay away from him because "His intentions are not honorable" Oh, HE IS UNBELIEVABLE.<BR>Make a long story short, my atty is going to see these letters. My d will not be having any over nights with him-I am asking for supervised visitations only. <BR>I AM DONE WITH HIM. IT IS SOOOOOO OVER. I am taking him to the cleaners.<BR>He'll be lucky to leave with the clothes on his back.<BR>Oh, I am SOOOOOO MAD.<P>Cheryl

Oh, Cheryl, I am SOOOO sorry. Guess this leopard didn't really change his spots, did he?<P>Hold on to ALL the evidence you can get. Start to work on the LARGE stack of papers from your attorney right away and take your time and do it right. I know how much all this hurts you, especially after yesterday.<P>Are you doing OK? We're all right here, ya know? <P>Lori

I'm so sorry to here about the setbacks-I'm in the same position with my W. My advice isn't the best, because i am right in the middle like you, and know exactly what you are feeling. I gave up a week ago on the marriage. I am so tired of the lies and being taken advantage of and being made like its my fault when i confront her. Just make sure that you are ready financially and for the D that ending it today is the right time. I know the MB principles say don't give up, but i have, so i can't tell you not to either.<P>God bless

Sheesh... I don't understand why he keeps lying to you and lying to you. To me that's the stupidest part. Why? He's moved out, he's told you it's over between the two of you, he's filed for divorce. Why does he feel the need to continue lying to you? I'm a betrayer myself, but I still don't get it!<P>You have all my empathy, Cheryl!<BR>--andy

I am sorry. Maybe he is still lying to you because of his guilt. My H denied the OW's existence for six weeks after he left, and even then for a while claimed that he didn't start dating her until after he left. Why would they lie about it if they were not ashamed?

Lori- Yes, this leopard has changed his spots. How can one person be so nice one day and then.... Oh, I will NEVER understand this mess.<P>rik99- I am sorry that you are where I am. This is hell on earth. My prayers are with you.<P>Andy- Can you believe this guy? Oh, the lies never seem to end. I think his is so far gone that he has no idea what the truth is. As a matter of fact, I get the impression from these letters that he is lying to her too. She is lying to her H. He thinks that all is ok. She can't wait to get rid of him. All I can say is, this is NOT the man I married. The man I married had integrity. I don't know how to hold on anymore.<P>Nellie- Hi, how are you? Sorry I havent written back to you. As you can see, my stress level is off the charts. What is up with our h's??? Insanity. I don't know how you keep holding on.<P><BR>Writing this reminded me of a dream I had last night. It was very cold and snowy, blizzard like. Me and d and some other man were sitting in front of the fire. The door flew open and there was a man there. He wanted to come in, but I sensed I knew hm from the past and wouldn't let him in. The man with me said that we shouldnt' let him stay out in the cold. The man at the door fell to his knees when we told him he could stay. Then I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep.<P>Thanks for all your thoughts.<P>Cheryl

Oh, I'm sorry Ceecee. Sometimes the evidence does just hit you in the face or is presented to you. Take it. Protect you, protect your daughter. If he's making "an appt. for sex"--ICK!!!!<P>If he does come back, and you know what? He might--DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM WITHOUT PROTECTION!! (I'm an idiot on this myself, but do as I say not as I do.)<P>Sometimes I wish I could just cut and re-paste my life. I'm praying self-control and a clear mind with excellent decision-making for you.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Hi Lor,<P>Glad youre back. I missed you. How are things at home. Heard you are having that rollercoaster ride going again- I hate that.<BR>I honestly don't think I can take him back now, not under these circumstanes. He has protrayed some of the most vile, unimaginable behaviors that I have even known. He has gone out of his way to try and destroy me. But, he isn't going to win. I know this is a marriage builder forum, but, frankly, I have had enough. I can't fight the devil anymore. I'm leaving this up to the Lord.<BR>Thanks for your thoughts.<P>Cheryl

Remember what we've learned on this board? The affairs are based on lies and deceit. Of course she is probably lying to her husband, and your H is lying to her, and to you and the lies are mounting up higher and higher.<P>This is not unbelievable to me! It is shocking and disgusting, but not unbelievable. He is NOT the man you married right now, he is someone else. And I bet, underneath all those lies and deceit, there is your husband - crying because he KNOWS what he is and how wrong he is. <P>Yuck.<P>hugs to you. {{{HUGS}}}

Hi connie-<BR>How are you? How was your weekend? I thought everything was getting better after our day together yesterday. Wow, what a blow this is. I don't know how to keep holding on. All I want to do right now is keep him the hell away from me and Emma. He is trashy. UCK. I don't want to even see his sinning face. <BR>Honestly, how do you hold on? How do you keep this up? It is amazing to me that people really survive after this kind of garbage.<BR>Thank you for all you have done for me. Like I said, Youre one hellava woman!!!!<P>Cheryl

Cheryl,<P>What did you do with the emails? Just curious. <P>I think the thing you need to learn right now is how to control your reactions!!!! What a plate of garbage to eat, huh?<P>Yuck. Well, the rollercoaster ride is on it's way down for a while. We gotta help you learn to ride. <P>I'm sorry. The guy you were with yesterday was your real husband, the guy on the emails is Mr. Yuck. I'm with you. I'd be through with Mr. Yuck too.<BR>

Hi CeeCee -<P>TNT is absolutely right - the man you were with yesterday is your husband.<P>This YUCK guy is part of the nightmare of what happens to them in all of this.<P>You wouldn't believe half of the stuff that I have seen and heard through my H's garbage....Things that made me literally throw up!!! UGH!!!! Disgusting!!!<P>But, the man that I married, never would have touched any of this with a ten foot pole.....that's how I know that this is truly a fantasy world that he has placed himself in.<P>Helps me let go of the anger towards him, also.<P>Yes, he should be held accountable for what he's done/doing....some day he will realize exactly what those awful things are. Right now, he has no clue that he is behaving badly.....and when/if he does it's an overwhelming guilt!!!<P>That's why the two faces and personalities have to take over.<P>That's my theory, anyway.<P>I know that my H is "sick" in some way - he needs to look inside and realize that sickness and until then - there's not much we can do about it except what we have learned here.<P>HUGS and STRENGTH to you,<P>Sheba

Tnt- <BR>I copied off the e-mails. I am not letting him know that I found them. I am hoping that he continues this little game and says something about Emma that I can use against him. I know that isn't very nice, but hey. I don't know how to hold on here. I really don't. He is in lala land, and I don't know if he'll ever get out. <BR>he called to sak if he could see Emma on Thursday and Saturday. I said, yes, of course, but I am working late all week and I have a seminar on Saturday so you'll have to pick her up at my moms. He FREAKED out. He said he wasn't touching one foot in that b***** house and that I HAVE to be home so he can pick her up, blah , blah. I very calmly (yes, really!!) said to him that sometimes we need to negoiate things and don't always get what we want when we want it. I told him again that he could see her both of those days, and he told he to go to h*** and hung up. Whadda think about that!!<P>Sheba- How's it going? I don't know how you do it girl. You have more strength than me. I can't differieniate from the evil and the good. It's all evil to me. You are very wise and I think your h is an idiot to not see that!!!<P>Thanks girls. Keep teaching me<P>Cheryl

Cheryl, <P>Just remember you are dealing with a half or less of a rational husband here. He has no idea you know about the emails, and if I were you I'd keep that information under my hat. <P>Now, as far as he knows, you were the beautiful Godly wife and mother, and all of a sudden you are initiating boundaries and being matter of fact with him. His less than half brain right now can't figure that out, and his Mr. Yuck personality said to himself "See? I told you this girl was nuts and you are better off without her!"<P>So, you need to react very consistently with him at all times, okay?<P>You ARE learning and improving and getting stronger. You are just so shocked with Mr. Yuck, it is hard to get a handle on things.<P>

Oh, so H had a little hissyfit when he was not given what he wants - how he wants!!!! Boy, I do not miss those!!!<P>Yeah, I've been through years of this Jekyll/Hyde bit.....<P>I have more experience and have more time to digest and analyze it!!!<P>I'm kind of glad that I have had this time though, because it has allowed my emotions and brain to grasp all of this and figure out where it is coming from.<P>Believe me, it certainly wasn't anything that came out of H's mouth....he still thinks he's MR. WONDERFUL!!! And there's tons of girls out there telling and showing him so!!! Too bad it doesn't last that long - that's OK to him though cuz he moves on to the next.<P>UNBELIEVABLE!!! You would think that he would take a moment to see that he can't hold onto someone......NOPE!! Not my wonderboy!!! It's all them and their stupidity, not his.....<P>What an ego!!!<P>That of course, is when he's Mr. Hyde!!!<P>You'll come to an understanding of this someday, Cheryl.....you really will.<P>Not an acceptance....but an understanding.<P>Hang In there, Hon!!<P>Saying prayers for you and your D<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Dont leave me girls, I need you.<P>What is my next step? Is there a next step? I've been filling out all this paper work for my attorney tonight, and boy, am I getting mad. He told his atty that I would supply all of the tax form, w2, pay stubs, etc, because he isn't allowed in the house. BS!! This guy is one piece of work.<BR>I don't intend on letting him know about the e-mails. I going to see how far they take this. I will be checking every day, tho. <BR>It's almost too easy, now. <BR>I have been doing very well on Plan A these last 2 weeks. Do I stay there or what? I really don't know if I can be nice to him. He makes me want to vomit. <BR>So, what's next? Still Plan A?<P>Cheryl

Yes, I'd stay in plan A. Your husband came out to play yesterday, to be who is supposed to be. Mr. Yuck returned.<P>Your behavior right now needs to be consistent, so I would stay in plan A. <P>It really doesn't matter what he told his attorney, because all of those things are attainable through the IRS. <P>Calm down, okay? I know you are so upset. It was if you saw the affair right before your eyes, and it was painful. <P>Cry, CC if it helps. Don't lovebust, don't deviate from what you've been doing. You've done so good for soooo long, but he hasn't had much of a chance to see it. So, keep on keeping on. And be strong. <P>Mr. Yuck is the jerk that you can't stand, and he's the bad guy. Think about how Mr. Yuck is hurting your husband! Your husband can't see that Mr. Yuck is even there!

Ok, it's way too late for me to be up, but I am. <BR>I just had a thought. Maybe this sign today wasn't from God at all. Perhaps this is the devil speaking.<BR>Now, if this is a sign from the devil, I could interprete it in a way that my h is evil and that he has ahold of him and that I need to give up.<P>If this is a sign from God, however, i could still intereprete it that way ( but God doesn't want me to give up) or He could be testing my faith and strength. He could be asking me if this man is worth all of this? I mean, how much can a person take for crying out loud. <P>If I lose hope and give up, the devil wins-I get divorced. If I continue to hold on - even by a thread- them I win and Emma wins and my h wins and GOD wins. I seems to me that the choose here is mine. <P>However, what if it's not a sign at all? Yes, it's late and I'm not thinking very clearly, but what do you think?<P>tnt- I read your post on "what if the answer is no" and I must say, that you always know what to say. <P>Any thoughts? Any direction? I am clueless at this point. I have no idea which way to go. I have no idea what to even pray for.<P>Cheryl

Cheryl,<P>Your husband CAN be so thoughtful and loving. And I know you love that about him. But, he also CAN be very terrible. I think he has something wrong with himself, maybe a spiritual battle - or maybe even some sort of mental illness, or something. But, the thing is - is that many betrayers do these things (NOT ALL OF THEM) but some betrayers act exactly like your husband acts when he turns into Mr. Yuck.<P>If I were you, I would really really REALLY pray for my husband, and his problem. Pray his eyes are not blinded. Pray that he begins to see Mr. Yuck's behavior and how Mr. Yuck is destroying your hsuband. Pray that God will help your husband, regardless of your husband's outcome. <P>And, also pray for you and Emma, that God would direct you and guide you step by step and day by day. <P>I would suspect this is a spiritual battle with your husband. The Good against the Evil. Let's pray the Good wins, and the Evil loses.<P>TNT<P>And, God could've given you a sign, the Devil could've given you a sign, and you could've had instinct that you were working off of. I don't know.<P>All I know is that God loves you and Romans 8:28. That is EXACTLY what I know. <P>Trust God, CC. He's there with you. He has a plan for you. Jeremiah 29:11

Hi CeeCee -<P>Been thinking and saying prayers about and for you. How are you today?<P>I've reread this and I think that if you can realize the delusions of H and be able to handle the things that will slap you in the face - so to speak, then you should continue plan A. The good day together was a definite sign of hope and more of those are needed to get to the point of addressing some of the real issues H has going on with himself. He has to feel safe before that can happen though...<P>Do you think that you can handle any more of these kinds of things? It's easier if you remember that he has problems - like a sickness. That's not to say that he will ever be able to cure it, but it can be attempted.<P>If you can't and you are losing your love for him (not talking about getting angry - I mean LOVE) then you should go to Plan B which might be even more difficult.<P>BIG HUG and STRENGTH to you,<P>Sheba