I vote "yes".

I am proud of you, btw, for listening and not trying to control the situation. Did it feel better for you than the "tirade" you were practicing before?

I hope you will continue to post things here and be as open to feedback as you have been.

Have you ever been in a situation and gotten out of it, to later look back on it and have the perspective to be amazed, truly amazed, at what you began to accept as "normal"?

I have, and it's a weird little trick that sneaks up on you and slowly distorts things (like denial) and you look back and wonder how that could have possibly been you making all those decisions. For me, it didn't feel as though I had decisions to make. I felt like I just let things happen. I relinquished my control over my own life, and the lives of my children, too. In the end, I was still making decisions. Choosing to let someone else decide for me wasn't exactly inaction. It was an action of choosing their decision so that I could later blame them for everything, thereby being a victim (who, of course had no choice).

(((FF)))
How did you NOT dump his dinner on his lap? What is with these aliens????

Hello FF,

I have been following your thread, but never had the need to share until now.

In my situation, WS would have liked to share the same house, for the kids' sake of course (and not out guilt or the inconvenience of moving out!). He would stay one week with OW while I stayed with the kids, and he would stay one week at home with the boys while I.....now, why couldn't I just get myself a BF? It would make his life so much easier to plan.

Needless to say, I did not accept his plan.

I am with Pep on this one: "NEVER agree to anything remotely like this".

I see it as legitimized "cake-eating" and "fence-sitting".

It might be tempting at a 'practical' level, but I think it does come at high price: your privacy and diginity, just to make a few.

You 'listened to him', now 'listen to you'.

Yep All very true which continues on the line of his "sellers remorse" we discussed before.

Froz, that is exactly how our M got to be so dysfunctional. I allowed the line for normal to be move so slowly my vision was skewed.

Of coures, Lunamare it cuts down on his guilt cuz then he is not "walking out" on his kids. But he does not want me to date either. He made that pretty clear, LOL

I honestly have NO plans to date anyway but that should not be dictated by him.

Oo ! oo ! I have some cake I'd like to eat too, FF, can I come round your house and eat it please ? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Sorry bob, the cake has been dumped in the garbage. It was old and stale and adding unnecessary calories to my WH's diet.

FF,

I sure do know what that feels like. I also know what it looks like to be on the other side, with so much regret.

I heard an interesting line in a movie the other night and I've been thinking about it ever since. It said...

"Every woman has exactly the relationship she wants."

I'm not sure that I agree with it, completely. But, I can see some element of truth in it. My first thought was "No, I don't. I didn't want a relationship where I had to deal with the pain of infidelity and all that comes along with that!"

Really? I didn't? Then why did I choose to marry him? I realize that situation doesn't apply to everyone here, but change that to "remain married" and it would apply to most.

If I didn't want it, then why did I choose it???

The more I think about that statement, the more I see how it applies to taking responsibility for your own decisions, instead of choosing what someone is offering you and then later blaming them for your situation.

Fact is, I DID want to be in a relationship that involved dealing with the pain of infidelity. I WANTED to be in this relationship. I have the relationship I wanted. I chose it.

What kind of relationship do YOU want?

I honestly have to stew on that one for a while. Not being sarcastic but knowingly at a cross road in my life. Thanks for the food for thought.

Stew sounds much more nourishing than cake.

LOL!

quote:----------------------------------------------------
But he does not want me to date either. He made that pretty clear.
----------------------------------------------------------

Would this be an example of what's called a 'double standard'?

quote:----------------------------------------------------
I honestly have NO plans to date anyway but that should not be dictated by him.
----------------------------------------------------------

Now, you just need to tell your him that.

{{{{{{{FF}}}}}}}}

Well I told him we cannot live together after the D.

Good for you!

Sounded cake eating to me....

And like more time in purgatory for you....

FF,

i am reading rather quickly because i have an all day mtg at work. i am on a short break right now (getting shorter!!)

I was shocked to read that you told WH you would think about his concept. FF, read the next line please!!!!

your vision is way skewed if you think that you should even consider a post-d scenerio where you both living in the same house still!!!

please tell me that there are others here that are going to straighten out that thinking!!

to us, you said:

but what exactly did you tell your WH??? It does not sound like the same message.

FF, you deserve way better than that!!!

i still very much am praying for a miracle in your case FF, but this is NOT it. please tell me you hear what i am saying and then tell your WH!!! he has to do a whole heck of a lot better than that!!!

oh, ok, now i just saw your msg saying you told him no. thank goodness!! what was his response??

Short and frosty

and how are you doing now??

I guess he likes cake better than stew!

Man, I think I need to eat something. All I can think about is food!!!!

FF, i know this is really scary for you, to be a single mom, especially with your DS. but you will be ok. you have to trust yourself and trust God. don't sell yourself short!!!! would you want your DD to live with an xWH??? stay strong here FF. your WH cannot stand up and be a man if you give him a chair.

many many hugs to you FF. i have to go back to the mtg, i'll check in at the end of the day.