Hi FF,

It seems like you have worked it all out, so you don't need any advice. Sounds like you did well (((FF))).

I loved Froz's advice. The one I've heard is:
Your S will treat you the way you have taught him/her to treat you.

I can't remember who said it.
I need to remind myself of it once in a while.

Hey, I thought you were funny!!! I will not admit to incontinence, but you were funny.

I was also kidding about the F-thing. I didn't really think that, though I am not brave enough to challenge the existence of your Cussology Degree. Maybe I would, if I had some F-girls backing me, but I'm not gonna stand (sit) here and do it all on my own. No way!!!

I can just see how that would go...curse words a-flyin', you pulling up all kinds of old quotes of mine, trying to convince me to spell things wrong...

Not a chance!

Go ahead and challenge her froz, I am standing here with my red cape blowing in the wind with a big (you guessed it)F on it. hee hee

Oh did I mention that WH told me he respected my decision about him living here?

When is he moving out?

hah. Nice sig.

Ummmm...ok, FF...you go first! I seem to be unable to find my "F" cape (that was really F-unny, btw).

I seem to be laughing my head oFF these days!

(I think I may have turned into the F-version of 2long!)

I hope you mean about him *NOT* living there.

Susan

ROTFL, it could be a new trend for us Fgirls!

BR, not sure yet. He was going to live with his brother but brother just had his g/f move in. Can't move into the rental prop as part of our settlement is to sell it. He will have to find himself a place. He also has rather dug in his heals about leaving until he "has" to leave.

Yes, that is what I meant. Hi Susan!

good morning FF!!!

regarding his move out date... in his view of the world, when does he think he "has" to move out then??

i take it you get ownership of the house? right?

by the way, have you had the divorce papers looked over by someone you trust? family, trusted friend.

if he is going to walk away like he is, you should get as much as possible out of the deal. especially with your DS. is there adequate CS $$. any spousal support happening? is college $$ mentioned in it?

Good morning to you, too FL. Let me answer your questions... When the D is final. Hopefully sooner but truthfully he needs to find a place that isn't easy in our city. He can go sleep on a friends couch in the meantime if he has to or go live with OW as far as I am concerned. The house will continue to be community property until the time it is sold or I can buy him out. Our agreement says we re-evaluate the sit when DS turns 18. I trust the attorney, he is actually MY attorney. WH just agreed to use him as well. My attorney said ok as long as we were amicable. Believe it or not in our state since I am the primary breadwinner if we went by state guidelines I would be paying him! Instead we both waived spousal support, he is not asking for CS <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> and he is paying 1/2 the mortgage and taxes on the house to maintain 1/2 the equity. We agreed to sell our rental property. Out of that sale he will get 18,000 of my share to pay him off for my retirement. In return he waives the right to my retirement in the future.

As for DS, in the future if my financial pic changes I can go back to court and request CS. CS can be sought for him for life not just until 18.

Our visitation and the distribution of the stuff in our house we will work out amongst ourselves.

The attorney was concerned that the court may not accept the waiver of support. I think they will and I know unless he becomes a totally different person WH will not change his mind about support.

Attorney had to explain to WH that the reason this all needs to be written in the settlement is if either of us remarries you never know how a future S will feel about "their" money going to an ex spouse.

but if house is community property... does that mean he thinks he can continue to live there??

are you sure you shouldn't have visitation put into the settlement?? aren't you worried he will end up not ever taking the kids??

and how can there be no CS?? if you have primary custody, why should he not pay CS?

I will double check with my attorney but he told me WH has to move out once the D is final. Right now I am not worried and frankly I don't see how we can work out a visitation plan until he has a place to live. Because in my state I make far more than him so I would end up paying him even if he only had the kids 20% of the time. It is ridiculous I know. Frankly, paying 1/2 the mortgage is fine it is more than I would get in CS. It is the only way for me to keep the house. Our house has appreciated more than 50 % since we bought it 3 years ago. I can't afford to buy him out or refinance.

sorry... i had to log off for a while...

i hope you do not mind these questions. i know you are very bright and i'm sure you have thought this all through, i just figure this is such a stressful time.

does your DS need anything special regarding where he lives? and if so, do you think WH is keeping that in mind while looking for a place? FF, i don't mean to be a wet blanket here but i think you have to seriously expect that he is NOT going to share custody with you.

doesn't the divorce state anything about custody?? does it state joint custody? does it specifically state who has physical custody?

being able to keep your house is very big. is it written in stone that WH cannot decide to try to change the scenerio whenever he wants? what i am asking is can he decide at some point that he wants his share of the house and therefore either demand you buy him out or the house be sold?

Oh yes, joint custody and physical custody with ME.

Yes, the house scenario is written in stone that BOTH parties have to agree before it can be sold. The rental prop we are keeping for about 90 days and then putting it on the market. He cannot demand nor would he, that I pay him his share of the house. He is not stupid FL. Our house is the smartest financial investment of our lives. We live never, ever be able to afford a home in our area again. We bought just before the market surged. Plus DS's trust paid 75% of adding 500 sq ft on the back of the house so DS could have a bigger bedroom and roll-in shower as well as a future caregiver suite.

FL, my H may have made many, many bad decisions in his life and our M but he would never hurt me financially.

how about medical bills?

and college for DD?

medical bills are covered by my insurance and the settlement calls for me to provide insurance. My insurance is provided by my employer. As my attorney says all of this can be changed by going back to court in the future. College for DD? I have savings for that, not enough of course but some. I guess she may have to get by on loans like my older DS has.

ok. i guess i should stop grilling you now, huh??

{{{FF}}}