(((sadmommy)))

It's your choice and your life..

Just want to share that I had to sell "our dream house" too...

But now, my FWH and I are much happier than we ever were in "THAT HOUSE"....

SD05, I'm so sorry to read this. If you heard something really bad then you truly are better off without him. I think this is why they say that death is easier in some ways; it's a loss but it's not the double loss of who you thought they were.

If you found out just more secretive-affair stuff -- they got bank accounts together or took trips together, etc. -- then do you think there is still a chance?

I hope the rest of your weekend went well enough. Did you keep busy?

Hoopsie:

FYI....

This is standard stuff for a WS...Right out of the script..Right out of the WS HANDBOOK....

Nothing more horrible than what my FWH did...

The question is whether SAD chooses to fight for her marriage or not..

As PEP said to another BS:

"It ain't over til it's over.."

Mimi, yes, that's what I've read. I was reading "Private Lies" by Frank Pittman at the bookstore this weekend, and it was amazing how my H's romantic affair seems to be following the script. The affair, the secrecy, then the reveal, then the spouses running about telling their family how it's the other's fault, then the cooling off period, etc.

He says that how the BS reacts after the drama dies down has a huge effect on the outcome. As the BS backs off, the realities set in and in many cases, the BS starts to go on cheerfully with their life and has to seriously weigh whether they even *want* the WS to come back. Which, of course, dovetails with everything I've read here too.

SD05, I don't know how far gone you think it is but it may still be salvageable, if you want it to. But you'll be fine without him too. But you know that already. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, guys. It's financial stuff that I'm talking about, not just secretive affair stuff, although there was plenty of that, too. I think it's a pretty big deal. No way I could trust him again. Ever. He has been putting our family financial future on the line without my knowledge or consent. It is extremely painful, although I'm more ticked off than sad right about now.

Found out he got served by the sheriff's office Saturday night.

Again. It's your choice about your life. You know what you can and cannot do..

I still say that what your WH is doing is standard for a WS.

My FWH secretively bought a condo which we now have as rental property..

What a waste of money....

However, he has bent over backwards and forwards to gain my trust again...

I trust him wholeheartedly....

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Ack, then protect yourself as much as you can. My SIL started forging her H's name on credit card applications and kiting checks and so forth before she dropped the D bomb and moved out (and didn't pay child support, natch). I think he's still dealing with the repercussions years later.

Are you going for sole custody w/ visitation, so that he has to pay child support? Can you get alimony in your state? We all know about Plan A: I love him, I want him back. But there's the little-known Plan $$ -- take the SOB for everything he's got. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'm going for whatever I can under the law. I want to make sure DD and I are protected.

Hoopsie said:



I don't understand the point of this statement.

Is this questioning PLAN A?

There is no such thing as PLAN$$ on MB...

I agree with your need to protect yourself financially, SADMOMMY...

Yes, I know, I was just kidding a bit. I am fighting for my marriage as well. But if push comes to shove and H goes through with something against my best efforts, I have to look out for me and my financial future.

Yep, I agree, hoops. I say, if it's going to end, it's going to be on my terms and not his.

Grrr... I am so keyed up today. Too angry to be sad right now.

Here's an idea of how I'm feeling right about now. Ani DiFranco's "Rock Paper Scissors" from Revelling/Reckoning:

it's rock paper scissors as to whether i will get over you at all
it's hand against hand and both hands are mine
it's standing in a circular line
which is not to say that i'm not also happy. a happy meal with a surprise inside.
surprise, surprise is another bright light in your eyes,
exposing all the stuff you’re not calculating enough to hide.
this melancholy that i carry makes me feel so grown up
at the kitchen table doing shots of resignation.
I never thought i'd see the day when i would i say i give up
and tame the stallions of my wildest expectations.
but i do not want to know you this way, surrounded by so much pain.
but how am i supposed to let go of you this way,
like a bird into the sky of my brain
i think i could accept all these dark colors as just part of some bigger color scheme
if it wasn't for that drippy string quartet of sadness underscoring each smiling scene.
yeah desire drags me right out of myself like a gas soaked rope tied to a piece of coal.
and i'm getting pretty good at looking at the bright side
while the flames ripple on the sand and swallow me whole.
but this melancholy that i carry makes me feel so grown up
at my kitchen table doing shots of resignation.
i never thought i'd see the day when i would say i give up
and break the stallions of mywildest expectations.
but i do not want to know you this way surrounded by so much pain
but how am i supposed to let go of you this way
like a bird into the sky of my brain.

There are several more where that came from, but I'll save them for the song thread.

Ahhh poetry. It really passes the time doesn't it?
You get so into finding the right words and trying to create the right tempo.

I had my really dark one on respect and honor that I posted, but I've got a couple new ones, not all dark.

I'll try to post it on my thread tomorrow when I have access to my work computer.

There's nothing I can say that's going to help. In fact, I spent most of Saturday night sobbing myself. Guess what...it didn't change anything on Sunday. Big surprise.

Try hard not to become angry and bitter at all guys. We're not all so self-centered...of course I'm not talking about myself...I am self-centered...that's what got me here in the first place. But, other guys are OK...I think...at least there are rumors...who really knows................

SM -

Sorry to hear there are other things involved now that are creating more hurt for you.

(((SadMommy)))

I hope you feel better tomorrow. Give me a call if you need to talk.....Do you still have my #?

I still agree with the others......It's not over til it's over.

Kim

Hi, HardHead. Gee, I can tell you're not in advertising!

Sorry you had a rough night this weekend.

I'm a little freaked out that I haven't heard from WH all day. When he left Saturday night, he said he'd be here today to see DD, but not even a phone call. That makes me think perhaps he didn't get served with the papers until after he was here Saturday night.

Hey, SadMommy, it's me, way over here in the corner still waving the flag of hope for your WH's true repentance and remorse, and more importantly his earnest and heartfelt desire to right all the wrongs he has done. I know it is shocking, hurtful, mind-blowing, and painful to realize your WH has been involved in some illegal or unethical practices. It could all be part of the same addiction root as the affair. The rationalization, the weakness, the temptation, the justifications,... it all works the same way with money as with an A. And he can realize the depth of his mistakes the same way as well, given the proper motivation. (Plan B?)

All things are possible with our God!

I have NOT given up on your marriage yet, and will PRAY for your WH's brokenness and surrender, and that YOU will know the peace and comfort of God's loving hands holding you up everyday that you have to go thru this mess, rocking you to sleep at night and cradling you through the nights. You have God, no one can take Him from you! Hallelujah!
[color:"brown"]
From Streams in the Desert, July 12
He knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. (Job 23:10)

Faith grows during storms. These are just four little words, but what significance they have to someone who has endured life-threatening storms!

Faith is that God-given ability that, when exercised, brings the unseen into plain view. It deals with the supernatural and makes the impossible things possible. And yes, it grows during storms - that is, it grows through disturbances in the spiritual atmosphere. Storms are caused by conflicts between the physical environment, and the storms of the spiritual world are conflicts with supernatural, hostile elements. And it is in this atmosphere of conflict that faith finds its most fertile soil and grows most rapidly to maturity.

The strongest of trees are found not in the this shelter of the forest but out in the open, where winds from every direction bear down upon them. The fierce winds bend and twist them until they become giant in stature. These are the trees that toolmakers seek for handles for their tools, because of the wood's great strength.

It is the same in the spiritual world. Remember, when you see a person of great spiritual stature, the road you must travel to walk with him is not one where the sun always shines and wildflowers always bloom. Instead, the way is a steep, rocky, and narrow path, where the winds of he[l will try to knock you off your feet, and where sharp rocks will cut you, prickly thorns will scratch your face, and poisonous snakes will slither and hiss all around you.

The path of faith is one of sorrow and joy, suffering and healing comfort, tears and smiles, trials and victories, conflicts and triumphs, and also hardships, dangers, beatings, persecutions, misunderstandings, trouble, and distress. Yet "in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us" (Rom. 8:37)

Yes, "in all these" - even during storms, when the winds are the most intense - "we are more than conquerors." You may be tempted to run from the ordeal of a fierce storm of testing, but head straight for it! God is there to meet you in the center of each trial. And He will whisper to you His secrets, which will bring you out with a radiant face and such an invincible faith that all the demons of he[l will never be able to shake it. E.A. Kilbourne[/color]


Blessings,
MSA

It's not necessarily illegal, but definitely unethical.

I'm a little surprised I didn't hear from him at all last night. When he left Saturday night, he said he'd be here to see DD, and we didn't even get so much as a phone call. So much for "regardless of how this ends, I want us to be on good terms for DD."

Hey, Kim... I actually don't have your number. GG emailed everyone's email addresses, but I would like the phone numbers, too. To be honest, I could really use a friend who's removed from the situation. Thanks!

I called H at my attorney's urging this afternoon to figure out when he'll be seeing DD this week. Funny, his cell phone has been disconnected. Hmm... very odd. Looks like I'll be taking her to his apartment tomorrow evening so he can watch her while I'm at dance class.