Hi SadMommy - saw your note. I know I have your info somewhere, will find it & try to catch you tomorrow.

Hard to believe that your WH is over at OW's. Some of the things my WH did were really stupid too. Like writing Loveletters to OW on our computer & SAVING THEM as a document. He had them somewhat hidden, but I am one smart cookie.....

If you drive by tonight take your camera!!!!!

Kim

Do the old Twin Peaks Laura Palmer trick and videotape today's newspaper in the same stream as his car in her driveway... that way you can prove it was today (or after), not two years ago...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Good luck!

MSA

Mrs. S... that's a good idea. I've been using my digital camera, which records the date/time. Even if you download the photo onto a computer, it'll say when the photo was taken.

I find it especially maddening, since my mystery caller said the other night that H isn't sure whether or not I have PI but he thinks he's smart enough to outsmart one! The people who are most sure of themselves are the ones who make the most mistakes, right?

Not a peep out of DD last night, but I'm sure her nights of peaceful slumber won't last long...

Kim, I wish H had done something goofy like writing love letters on the computer. I am suspicious about the fact that he took his big jewelry box the morning after he left. He took that before he took his toiletries. There must have been something incriminating in there.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you, but I've gotta warn you, tonight is dance class night, so I'll be shimmying out of pocket from 8:30 to 10.

I guess I just figured a person could override the camera/computer time/date stamp, but you can't override a newspaper... ? Perhaps he wouldn't really fight it that hard anyway once busted. Is he REALLY maintaining that he isn't having an affair with her? Who does he think believes that???

I think it's funny that your WH thinks he could outsmart a PI. People are actually surprisingly predictable in their actions & movements, it would be pretty hard to carry on an A and not be caught.

In my state, the A didn't have any bearing on custody or anything though, (No fault state) although my atty said in my case she did think she planned to go for "fault" which can allow for an inequitable distribution of assets I believe. I don't know, he was furious when he found that out (WHY did I tell him???), and it never came to pass so I don't know.

I know once you file (I've been there) and finally make that decision that the LAST thing you want to hear is anyone "holding out hope for the M"... believe me, I know. But I'm not giving up hope (wink).

Blessings,
MSA

Yep, he claims there's nothing going on. Of course, I haven't talked to him about it in a while. Even the mystery caller said H's "I leave the dog here so he has company" line when I caught him there at 7 in the morning was a lame excuse.

I think H's thoughts on outsmarting a PI probably stem from the 4 years he was a police officer. Very cocky.

You know, I am so angry today I don't even know what to do with myself. I can't concentrate, and I feel like I have steam coming out of my ears! It's like, I'm so mad right now, I can't even begin thinking about how hurt I am. Just thinking about him with her when we have baby at home makes me want to scream, vomit and/or hurt them both. Why are some men such a-holes? I never dreamed in a million years that my seemingly perfect husband would be so horrible.

And I'm going to have to deal with this creep for the rest of my life b/c of DD. I'm so glad I'm going to see my counselor today!

Sadmommy,

I forget, did you file for D and cite adultery as the reason? I am a little concerned about needing to prove adultery in my case also. WH has called it an affair to everyone, including the MC, but he did deny SF. We haven't discussed whether or not he is "getting any" lately, so I really don't know if he will deny adultery or not.

I do have his good bye letter which states "OW was just the trigger, not the cause", so hopefully, that will help if he tries to deny the A. I am nervous though, since after he spoke to an attorney, he decided he and OW needed a 3month cooling off period <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

But I think it was on Hurtings thread, that someone said the car parked there all night without a "chaperone" would be evidence enough. But the sad thing is, I don't know how much adultery matters in the divorce. The attorney plainly said that spousal support is not to punish the WS, so it probably doesn't matter anyway.

But, if you are not already doing it, start a log or journal detailing all the parenting stuff. If he is not visiting DD and you can't reach him by phone, that would seem to show that DD is not his #1 priority. I am a big believer in fathers' rights, but I can't let my WH act like father of the year just to keep his CS low. My long term goal is 50/50 time (in the evenings with the homeschooling continuing), but he is not calling much or taking the kids anywhere close to half the evenings, so my temporary parenting plan will reflect our current situation.

I filed for adultery and cruel treatment. While adultery is not supposed to matter, I've been told that judges often do use it when they determine property/debt division.

I have been keeping a journal of everything since he left, when he says he's coming over, when he does, what he does/says when he's at the house, etc. It's about 30 pages long. I actually just started a new one post-filing.

Sigh. Dropped DD off at H's apartment for the evening. She was carrying on as I was leaving. Very painful. I'm a bit worried b/c H's cell phone has been cut off since yesterday, and it's his only phone. He claims it's b/c it's the first month's bill and there was a screw-up, but OW's cell phone has been disconnected as well. Her XBF called me looking for her b/c she owes him money. Gee, what a coincidence.

I saw the service notice from the Sheriff's office sitting on his coffee table. Looks like he was served Saturday afternoon, about 7 hours before he came over that night. I wonder what his "previous engagement" was that ran long?

Ah. Turns out they missed him the first time. His "previous engagement" was getting served with the papers.

It actually wasn't terrible picking DD up tonight. He said she did pretty well, a little fussy at bedtime. I managed to get her into bed when we got home with no problem.

I suggested that H take DD Saturday afternoon, and he said he'd have to call b/c he may be going to a funeral.

My mystery caller called me again tonight. I got a glimpse of how bad WH's fog is. Mystery man says OW has "consumed" H's life, and it's a shame that a nice guy has been turned inside out and has turned his family inside out over some girl. Said OW is pulling his strings and is very vocal about me... she HATES me. He said she's the one pushing WH to run to his attorney when I talked about cutting the "every other night" schedule he set up to see DD. Why would she be pushing him b/c of that?

Oh.. he also said WH has told everyone his parents don't care about us divorcing and that they are "very open" to his friendship with OW. I find that very hard to believe.

Ah, Veteran's Day. So great to be a government employee and get an extra day off!

Maybe I should post this on the divorced/divorcing board, but for those of you who either have gone through it or are in the process of it, how do you deal with divorce proceedings?

I feel consumed with worry, even though I have full confidence in my attorney. I guess it's the fear of the unknown that is eating at me. Talked to a friend of mine yesterday who used to be a paralegal for a law firm that handled a lot of divorces, and she said something like this can drag out for nine months! Aack. How do you do it?

In addition to the worry, I'm full of sadness, hurt and anger. Yes, I'm going to church and IC, but how do you make it through the day without constantly fixating on what's going on and what you are losing?

SadMommy, how are you doing?
MSA

Very, very ill, unfortunately. Woke up this morning with a raging case of mastitis. (that's a breast infection that can follow having a plugged duct, and I've had three of those since H left. It's more common when you are stressed out and run down, and it feels like the flu). Woke up with fever, chills, aches all over, feeling like one of them is on fire.. it's all red and streaky. NOT fun.

The really scary part was when I got DD up. I was able to get her from the crib to the changing table, but then I felt really faint for several minutes, like I was going to pass out. There I was, one hand on wiggleworm DD and one hand on the changing table, shaking and blacking out! I couldn't see anything. I was terrified. I managed to get her back to bed with me to nurse and called H.

He took her to his place for about four hours so I could get some rest. He seemed geniunely concerned about me feeling so bad. I guess if you want to look at this way, it's sort of his fault! I never had any troubles like this before he left and caused me all the stress. I've been lying on the couch in my pjs, alternating a heating pad and a bag of frozen veggies all day, per my La Leche League leader's instructions. DD and I took a great nap a little while ago.

It's scary being sick and not having H to take care of me, especially knowing that I have to take care of DD no matter what I feel like. There's no point in him keeping her for a long time, b/c about the only thing you can do for mastitis on your own is rest, fluids, and frequent nursing. Ouch!

I'll probably have to go to the doctor tomorrow for antibiotics, depending on how I feel. Really sucks, b/c I've got a job interview tomorrow afternoon!

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I had that and ended up going to the doctor for help. It is so painful, and nursing hurts too. I hope you go to the doctor soon. Sometimes it gets too bad to try to treat on your own.

Keep your spirits up. The wayward usually comes back to his spouse. Hopefully you will take good care of yourself, and still want him back.

Fathers leaving their children, new moms, and pregnant wives - GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

SadMommy, did a hot shower ever help? Definitely go see the doctor. And I hope you feel better for your job interview tomorrow afternoon. I noticed you're posting on the divorced thread, I will try to remmeber that's where you are if I don't see you here on GQII.

It is scary to be on your own with kids, I know there was a night that my D10 was at a sleepover and called in the middle of the night wanting me (nay, begging me) to come & get her. I know I should have called WH at his girlfriend's house and made him do it, but instead I woke up D5 in the middle of the night and we drove 20 minutes to get D10. Of course I couldn't find the house and ended up calling the other Mom at 2:45am for directions. By then I think I was so frustrated that I was on my own with D5 in the car in the middle of the night that I told her that my H had left me and I was angry to have to do this alone w/o help. Ugh. Not a great night. WH didn't even really care that I had to do all that either when I told him "you almost got a call in the middle of the night to go get D10 last night" - his only thought probably would have been "My Nextel doesn't work too great at OW's house." Whatever. Probably worried about getting busted. Ugh.

So sorry. One thing - By this time next year, one way or the other, your life will be a LOT better - this train wreck does not go on & on & on with the steps you are taking. As Dr. Phil puts it to your WH, "You need to be 100% here, or 100% gone." Either way will be a lot more sane for you.

Hugs,
MSA

Hi, Mrs. S.

I ended up taking today off to rest. Called the doctor, and they're calling in some antibiotics for me. I'm feeling a little better. Still really sore, but no fever at least.

Thanks for encouragement about the train wreck not being everlasting. It sure feels like it is, though. When I go to bed at night, I am just exhausted. Sometimes I wonder how I will make it through another day like this. I like your quote from Dr. Phil, but I wonder if that will ever really happen.

Hi SadMommy -

Glad you are feeling better. Did you have to cancel you job interview??

I know how awful it is to have to take care of a little one when you feel so terrible. We have no one to take care of us.....

Take Care!

Kim

You're doing good...keep up the good work! btw..those were the grounds I filed under too! it does count in ga.

just have the proof.

Kim, I did go to the job interview. I don't know what to make of it... it only took about 15 minutes. It could have been, "well, you're a shoo-in so this won't take long" or "thanks anyway." I'm leaning toward the latter, though. One of the interviewers asked me if I had looked at the other jobs posted for that department. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Took DD to H's apartment tonight so I could go to dance practice. I saw that he had a LOOOONG grocery list on the table. He's trying to make it look like he really does live there. From the looks of his list, he hasn't bought groceries the entire time he's had his apartment. I noticed one of those old-school coffee percolators on the counter. When I asked him where that came from, he said it was a gift. From who? From OW. Big surprise!

I don't know how solid my proof is, Peach. I feel like his attorney is probably giving him some really good advice. As far as proof goes, my attorney says we'll be asking the judge to put two and two together. I've got some good evidence, but it's circumstantial.

I'm glad you guys think I'm doing a good job. I don't know what it is, but I am just feeling miserable. Feeling very alone and sad tonight.

Where's that dog when you need it, right SadMommy? Pretty low of him to take even the dog...

The grocery list is funny, how compelling... yeah, right.

How DO judges put up with it? Day in, day out, WS WS WS WS WS WS, homewrecker, homewrecker, homewrecker... makes me sick to think about it. They must get SO jaded.

You hang in there, God loves you and so do we!

MSA