Good grief! I don't even have to get off on the wrong exit. On my way to work this morning, I saw WH going the opposite direction on the bypass from OW's house on HIS way to work. Sheesh!

I'm trying very hard to keep that thought in my mind, that is HIS loss and not mine or DD's. I know it's not my loss, but the killer is that DD is losing out on having the normal nuclear family unit here. I feel like I'm doing OK, though. Thinking that gives me a sense of peace I haven't had since this whole mess began, which I have really been wanting.

Got our mommy-daughter Christmas pictures back yesterday and dropped the cards in the mail this morning. They came out really cute. And yes, I sent them to WH's family, too, even though he's gone. I figure they will either be happy to see the photos, or, if they really are saying nasty things about me as I have heard from the mystery man, it'll make them feel bad. Either way, I needed to do it to show them that even though WH isn't in the picture anymore (get it?), DD and I are going to go on living!

That stinks having to see WH on the road this AM. I hope it doesn't screw up too much of your morning.

Hope you have a great day!

Thanks, Jean. Today was OK. Went to counseling this morning. I've decided that every time I start wondering why WH has done something crazy, I will think to myself, "mentally ill." As in, why did WH charge that $2500 lawn tractor right before he left? "Mentally ill." Why on earth did WH leave me for OW? "Mentally ill."

See? It works on so many levels! Makes those pesky unexplainable things a little easier to accept.

I had invited WH to visit DD tonight at the house, since he won't see her until Thursday. He called at 5:45 from the office saying he was swamped.

Hi Sadmommy--
Believer told me that you might be helpful in answering the question I have (I pasted it directly from my thread below). I am sorry for hijacking your post. (I am due to have baby boy #3 Jan. 1oth--for background to the question).
...........................................................

Another ?--what age is a good age to let him take the baby overnight. He has never once gotten up with the two boys we already have, and has bathed them maybe 10 times their whole lives. I just can't see him alone with the baby and the boys in a one bedroom place. I would be a nervous wreck. He said he wants the baby at 4months overnight. I was thinking like 10 months to a year, but then that might be hard since the baby really won't be used to him and might get frightened overnight so far away (okay-thirty minutes, but that's far enough for me). I thought about asking the pediatrician we see what she recommends. Has anyone dealt with this before?
............................................................

I appreciate any help you might have to offer. Thanks.
p.s. you can answer on my post if you'd like, instead of on yours.

Hi tex. No sweat about the threadjack. Wow, 4 months is really, really early. There is no way I'd agree to that, but then again at that age, DD was nursing around the clock. I've talked with our pediatrician, the director of the local university's infant research psych lab, other moms, and the licensed therapist who teaches the court-ordered divorcing parent class. The earliest I have heard of for overnight is 15 months (a mom), and the experts recommend waiting until the child is 2 years old or 2 and a half. And then, it's only one night. You have to work up to a whole weekend b/c a young child could be very anxious and upset about being away from mommy.

Most experts will say that a baby should not be separated from his/her primary caregiver at all (usually mom) and needs frequent contact with the non-custodial parent, either every day or every other day, and that daddy should be involved often in the baby's routines, like bath and bedtime.

Here's how WH and I do it: Before I filed for D, he was coming over every other day at bedtime. After I filed, I set limits on it because it was too spontaneous for me and DD. He now takes her twice a week for four hours or so... an evening during the week and a weekend afternoon.

I hope that helps. I would recommend talking with your child's doctor. If worse comes to worse, find a counselor who works primarily with children. Good luck!

Grrr... I guess I need to find a new route to work. Saw WH on the other side of the bypass this morning... AGAIN! I swear, sometimes I feel like this town isn't big enough for the both of us. It's going to be especially tough when DD starts going to home daycare. The lady's house is off the same exit as OW, so we'll probably be crossing paths more often. Great.

He was supposed to go to the divorcing parent class last night. I was HOPING that it would hit him the same way it hit me. When I went last week, I cried the whole two hours because I don't want to put DD through all this mess. But, obviously since I saw him on his usual route this morning, it must not have phased him at all. Sigh... mentally ill, mentally ill, mentally ill!!

Well, DD accompanied me to my dance class tonight. Even though it was past her bedtime, she was so well behaved. Didn't cry or anything... She was mesmerized by all the jingly shiny stuff we were wearing.

As much as I enjoy showing her off, I couldn't help but be a little upset, thinking that Wh would rather go to a Christmas party than spend time with her. I'm sure he's living it up with OW right about now...

It is so sad how WS's are. They are all so willing to toss all the good things in life for their affair.

Continue taking the high road and taking care of yourself and your daughter.

Thanks, believer. I pray nightly for strength, to be a good mom, and to keep my dignity and grace through this mess. Plus to accept the Lord's path for me, regardless of what it is, and to heal. (Not to mention praying for WH and OW, too) Giving this whole fiasco to God definitely gives me a sense of peace and helps me stay on that high road, which I slipped off so easily earlier on.

DD woke up around 3, and I'm actually glad, b/c shortly after I got back to bed, the power went off b/c of winter weather (well, as wintry as you can imagine in Ga.) Glad b/c I would have overslept otherwise!

It's rainy and cold here. Ice on all the trees. Big tree down in the middle of the parking lot at work this morning.

Hmm. WH actually brought DD back early tonight. Said she was acting really sleepy and he wanted me to have a chance to nurse her before bed. Hmm. I wonder why he did that.

He also made a big deal about going to daycare to visit her yesterday and going to check out the home daycare she's starting next week. Maybe that divorcing parent class made him wake up?

My attorney had advised me to write a letter documenting custody/visitation stuff, and he said he got the letter today but hadn't had a chance to read it. I'm sure he's going to be ticked when he does... I made sure to document my flexibility and his lack thereof. Also took Mystery Man's advice and offered to let him come visit DD at our home whenever he wants. We'll see what THAT does...

Hang in there. I promise you that if you stick to the plans here, you will come out happy, with or WITHOUT your husband.

Hi SadMommy -

Was wondering how bad the weather got where your are. Lots of ice on the trees and on the car here. Roads were fine and I never lost my power, Yay!

Hope you and DD were able to stay warm when the power went out -

Kim

It wasn't too bad at all. Roads were fine, although there was a big tree down in the middle of the parking lot at work this morning. I'm not sure how long the power was out last night, but we were fine. When we came home this evening, all the clocks were blinking again. It rained so much today and there's still ice in the trees. I'm wondering what it will be like tomorrow...

Glad to hear you and DS are OK...

It shouldn't be too bad tomorrow - But, I hear that more winter weather is coming in late Saturday into Sunday morning.

Hey, my WH is house sitting out your way!! Keep you radar up for another one driving around with a screw loose!!!

Kim

SadMommy, found this somewhere... love it -

You say: "It's impossible"
God says: All things are possible
(Luke 18:27)

You say: "I'm too tired"
God says: I will give you rest
(Matthew 11:28-30)

You say: "Nobody really loves me"
God says: I love you
(John 3:16 & John 3:34 )

You say: "I can't go on"
God says: My grace is sufficient
(II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15)

You say: "I can't figure things out"
God says: I will direct your steps
(Proverbs 3:5-6)

You say: "I can't do it"
God says: You can do all things
(Philippians 4:13)

You say: "I'm not able"
God says: I am able
(II Corinthians 9:8)

You say: "It's not worth it"
God says: It will be worth it
(Roman 8:28 )

You say: "I can't forgive myself"
God says: I Forgive you
(I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1)

You say: "I can't manage"
God says: I will supply all your needs
(Philippians 4:19)

You say: "I'm afraid"
God says: I have not given you a spirit of fear
(II Timothy 1:7)

You say: "I'm always worried and frustrated"
God says: Cast all your cares on ME
(I Peter 5:7)

You say: "I'm not smart enough"
God says: I give you wisdom
(I Corinthians 1:30)

You say: "I feel all alone"
God says: I will never leave you or forsake you
(Hebrews 13:5)

What a wonderful God we serve!

Peace,
MSA

Thanks for typing all that, Mrs. S. Good things to keep in mind.

DD and I are having a good weekend so far. One of my best friends from out of state is in town, and she's staying with us. Haven't seen her since September. Our other friend graduated today with her phD, so we went to a nice lunch party for her. DD got to try some cake!

It is really nice to have a distraction from this mess...

Ugh... baaaaad morning. DD and I were at church and I got incredibly sad. They were baptizing a baby this morning, and the little guy's mommy, daddy and sister were all there together. I looked down at DD, who was just as happy as can be, babbling away and entertaining the elderly couple behind us, and I just about lost it right there.

I managed to hold it together until we got to the car, and I cried all the way home. WH showed up right after we got home, and I was still feeling really vulnerable.

Started talking about financial stuff, since the house payment is going up. He said that things will get better after this is over. I replied, "Better for YOU b/c you will end up giving us less money. It won't be better for DD and me." He's in a field where the only way to go is up. I'm a gov't employee who hasn't had a raise in two years.

I'm going to lose the house, and wherever we end up living, it will be more expensive than the half mortgage I'm paying now.

I told him about not being able to pay for the car service I needed 3K miles ago. He said that b/c of all the money he's sending to us, that he's having a hard time, too.

So I told him about not being able to afford clothes for DD or me, that everything I own is falling off me b/c I weigh less now than I did in high school. I told him that I've lost close to 20 pounds, which I didn't have to spare to begin with. His eyes bugged out, and he asked why I wasn't eating like I normally do. I told him that I AM eating, I'm just so stressed out that I can't hold the weight on. Told him about seeing the nutritionist last week. He asked why I didn't tell him. I told him, "B/c I knew you wouldn't care." He said he does care, and I replied, "WH, you showed me how much you care when you walked out on DD and me. I know exactly how much you care... very little."

He offered to sit down and work out another budget with me. I told that wasn't the only thing I was upset about. I told him things didn't have to be this way, and he said no they don't. I asked him what he meant by that, and he said he didn't want to go into it now and "burn up the time" he has with DD or talk about it when DD is around.

Grrr. What the heck am I supposed to think about this? I'm so upset I can't even see straight. I feel bad about laying all this out there in front of him. I've done so well for over a month now, not crying in front of him or letting him see how hurt/upset I am. Felt like I either made a HUGE step backward or gave him something to think about. I'm at a loss right now...

Hey, you were honest. You get home from church, you're upset & worried, and he happens to be there. Maybe an ounce of the reality of what he is causing other people will hit him between the eyes and give him something to think about (besides himself). Don't feel like it's a huge step backward, I don't think it sounds like it was.

I do wonder what he means about it "not having to be this way" - maybe he just feels that YOU filed for divorce, so YOU want it this way??? (Reflecting the failure to see the effect of his own choices on your decisions!) My FWH felt that way about my decision to file for D until Pepperband knocked him upside the head on MB!!!

On the other hand, maybe he's having second thoughts about his heavenly (ha) relationship with OW. Maybe DD's first Christmas is eating him alive, the way I hope it does. Maybe parenthood divorce class is bothering him the way I hope it does.

I will continue to pray for you and your DD and your WWWWWWWWWH. That's Wayward x9, which he seems to be. But he was WHx10 to me a month ago, so that's progress! Keep your eye on the prize - eternal life with the One who can make all things new.

Hugs,
MSA

[color:"green"] Phillipians 3:18-21
For I have told you often before, and I say it again with tears in my eyes, that there are many whose conduct shows they are really enemies of the cross of Christ. Their future is eternal destruction. Their god is their appetite, they brag about shameful things, and all they think about is this life here on earth. But we are citizens of heaven, where the Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior. He will take these weak mortal bodies of ours and change them into glorious bodies like his own, using the same mighty power that he will use to conquer everything, everywhere. [/color]

I am so sorry you had such a hard day. I understand about those little things setting you off. I forced myself to go to the event last night that WH and I were supposed to go to and all night I had 100 people say, are you okay, you look so tired. Yuck. The final straw was when one said you are missing someone next to you. I hadn't even realized there was an empty chair. I excused myself and went for a 30 minute walk in the cold and cried.

Maybe he is finally seeing what he has done. I don't think pointing it out is a bad thing at this point. Maybe a little reality check?

Nope, unfortunately it wasn't progress, Mrs. S. Turns out his "not having to be this way" meant talking about a divorce settlement. Here's what happened when he came back:

Me: So what was it you were talking about, about it not having to be this way?
WH: So you want to set up a time to meet?
Me: It depends on what the subject matter is.
WH: You don't have to drag this (the divorce) out. (Notice the "you," still blaming me for everything.)
Me: Well, it sounds like you don't want to talk about what I want, so I don't have much to say to you right now.
WH: What is it that you want?
Me: More than anything, I want our family to be together.
WH: In that case, I guess I'll see DD Wednesday night.

Grrrr!!! So callous and cold. I'd say it's Wx200.

I'm dreading tomorrow. DD starts her new daycare arrangement at a house that's on the same exit as OW's. I just KNOW we're going to cross paths. I'm also wondering why my attorney emailed Friday afternoon saying we needed to talk but he was in court. Maybe a temporary hearing has been scheduled?