Yay!!!!! Go out and celebrate.

Great news!! Have a great rest of the day!

Hmmm... it may NOT be the "victory" I thought. The order contains the Tu/Thu/Sun schedule WH wants, and I'm pretty sure he'll have first right of refusal for childcare for my dance class Wednesday nights. My attorney said I would need to call him 48 hours in advance to see if he wants to watch her during class. Not a big deal, but I'm afraid the order may list a set time for Wednesdays. He's been taking her from 6:15 to 10 on those nights, even though my class is from 8:45 to 10. I'm wondering how that will pan out... I'm anxiously awaiting a fax from the attorney.

Well, we started the new visitation arrangement last night. Seemed to go OK. No awkwardness. I thanked him for agreeing to stuff, and he thanked me too.

Still haven't seen the order yet. Called the attorney's office before I left work yesterday and they hadn't seen it yet, either. I hope it really is what the attorney said it is...

Other than the relief that THAT'S over, I'm feeling pretty empty and sad today. Should be really slow at work, which is good and bad. Not much to distract me from thinking about things...

Sitting here listening to Juliana Hatfield... this feels very appropriate right now:

"When you loved me" from Beautiful Creature
When you loved me
I was good enough
When you loved me
Music woke me up
But now the silence
Is suffocating
Did I deserve this?
Did I do a bad thing?
When you loved me
Every single day
Was a blessing
Time would fly away
But now every minute
Feels like an hour
Wishing the day would end
Inside the prison in my head
But then you turned me
Into a fool
Watching you walk away
Into another world
When you loved me
I was happy
When you loved me
Never lonely
But then you turned me
Into a fool
Watching you walk away
Into another world
When you loved me, when you loved me
When you loved me, when you loved me

Hello everyone. I'm baking some last minute cookies today and just got DD down for a nap. Her dad will be here in an hour and a half to take her to a family get-together. My brothers aren't due in until way later tonight.

I think we're both coming down with a cold... maybe that's why she's so fussy today?

I'm really dreading this evening and tomorrow. As much as I want to be cheerful and enjoy the holiday for DD's sake, I can't. I'm so sad... I feel like I'm just going through the motions this year.

I don't know what to do about OW getting DD a gift. I'm sure she's bought something for her, but I don't want DD to have anything from her. Any idea how to handle that? Do I ask WH if OW bought anything for DD? I don't know what to do... The temporary court order said he can't have DD around anyone he's having a sexual/romantic relationship with, even though she's not named specifically. (I'm kinda irked that we conceded on that point... the first order we presented named her.) Any ideas?

Ask WH to keep any and all gifts for DD at his place so she has stuff to play with. That ought to eliminate your home becoming contaminated.

That probably goes without saying. i'm not just worried about my home being "contaminated." I'm worried about someone trying to move in on my daughter.

Grrr. He came to pick her up when she was still asleep. He said not to worry about what she was wearing b/c he had an outfit for her to wear tonight. I asked to see it, and it's the most gorgeous little Christmas party dress... black velvet on top with red, green and gold plaid on the skirt. Little black patent mary janes and everything. I wonder who picked that out??

Poor little DD didn't want to leave. He handed her to me so she could give me a hug goodbye, and she just clung to me like a little bushbaby when he tried to take her out of my arms. Then she watched me all the way to the truck.

Really sucks being here alone on Christmas Eve, but she'll be back in a couple hours, and then my brothers will be here... I will get through this if it kills me!

Hey SadMommy05,

I have been following your sitch but I don't believe that I have ever posted to you before. I understand how you feel about this holiday season. STBXWH and I every year for the past 9 years use to stay up all night Christmas Eve and wrap the kids gifts, cook and just enjoy each other. I am dreading tonight. This is going to be hard. I'm glad the kids will be asleep so they won't see me cry all night. Enjoy the holidays with your DD and your family. I'm glad I will be with family all day tomorrow. God Bless!

Well, the first Christmas is the worse, if that is any consolation. You just have to hang in there and make it the best you can.

And remember, it doesn't hurt your baby at all to spend time with daddy. I wouldn't even worry if the sleaze bought the outfit. No one will EVER replace you as her mommy. Believe me I know - I help raised 6 step kids.

Thank you, lashelle and believer. Yep, I know the first one's supposed to be the worst. I'm trying my best. After WH and DD left, I drove around for a while and just have finished dinner. I'm going to the candlelight communion service in a bit, and then DD will be back at 8:30.

I know it's good for DD to spend time with Daddy. I don't worry about that at all. Sometimes, having a break is good. And I know no one will never be able to replace me as mommy. It just burns me up thinking about her trying, though. From what I've heard, she has a history of getting involved with men who have kids b/c she's desperate to have a family of her own. It's sick.

Personally, some of these women give me the creeps. I don't know what these guys are thinking. They are hooking up with some desperate women. It REALLY bothers me when the BS is pregnant or has a new baby. YUCK.

Anyway, carry on. I hope you take some pictures of your little one's Christmas. My boys (21 and 24) love to look at their early Christmas pictures.

Don't worry about DD getting presents. I did that..made sure that the presents from ow stayed at Darth's. And to this day, my ds does NOT like any present from ow/w.

I am sure she is beautiful! And everybody will be reminded by the presence of your beautiful dd who looks like YOU that you are NOT there! It sure will be felt.

And yes, some OW like men w/kids...or babies. It makes them feel "motherly". Heck, I named OW Family Values b/c she proclaimed she was a "better mother than Peachy"...and what a woman she is! She is a former adult mag model. She had a son outta wedlock with a bf. She has had more haircolors than the main character in Alias. And she is made outta silicone! Now trying to "erase her freckles" with the help of the plastic surgeon her sister (who is shacking up also) works for!

I hate women who do that.

And yes, your WH will either wake up now...or later. Either way he will lose. The affair will lose! He will exit fog or he will pay a price. It works just that way. Please know it. Know the affair will end. And when it does, even if they have an affair marriage, it will still end. And the question is, where will sadmommy be when it's over? Will she still harbor some love? Or will she be gone forever? Because the WS is gonna pray you're not gone forever as my xh now is probably praying tonight. Where will you be when the affair ends is up to time, God's plan, and the WS. Just be consistent in your being a moral mommy and good person. All will fall into place. Big thing is whether the WS wakes up in time to save things...

Either way the end result is same. Affair will end. It is documented in the numbers. I did NOT believe in the numbers because I saw this man tell me how much happier he was, how he did NOT love me, how she was SUCH A GOOD MOM, and how she was SUCH A BETTER PERSON THAN ME, and the like...now look where they are. Reality is there. It is present now. And you know where I am.

He brought her back 15 minutes late. Sheesh, after I left church early to make it here to meet them at 8:30!

She's in bed snuggly in her stripey Christmas jammies, waiting for Santa Claus. And I'm waiting for my brothers to get here...

Sad Mommy,

I know how you are feeling as I am now home alone becase the kids are with WH. its hard but we will make it through this.

I believe Peachy's words the affair will end but where will we be when it does. Keep the faith and try to have a Merry Christmas with DD and your brothers. It will get better thats what we have to tell ourselves and I am sure it will...

Take Care and God Bless you

Hurting

Sad -

You are probably asleep now or off the computer, but wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas!!! It is going to be so special for you and DD. Hugs to you!!

Just finished wrapping the last of presents for DS.....I almost cried when I was finished. The tree looks so pretty and I have the stocking filled with a fire going. I took pictures ----

Enjoyed a candlelight service tonight as well - There is hope, no matter what your sitch.

Take care!

Kim

Merry Christmas Sadmommy and DD.

(Do her Christmas jammies have feet in them - I just love fat babies in footed pajamas!)

(((((((((((((Holiday hugs to you, SadMommy))))))))))))))))

MSA

Thank you everyone. We had a wonderful Christmas morning. DD woke up around 8:30 to nurse. Then, it was time for the stocking and presents. She did a good job unwrapping, with plenty of help from me and an uncle. She seemed really excited about all her presents... she got some really fun stuff. We had so much fun watching her play with her new stuff. We stuck several bows on her head, and somehow she managed to get one stuck on her butt, looked like a gold bow bunny tail!

After all that, it was time for breakfast. DB1 and I made blueberry pancakes. We had those, with good Italian coffee, soysauge, muffins and croissants. Even DD ate a pancake! She's taking a nap right now.

She and I will be going to our neighbor's in an hour for a get-together while the bros stay here and watch a movie. Then WH will be here for a couple hours.

I have to say, I haven't really missed him this morning. SOOOO glad my bros are here. We made sure to get all the excitement on camera!

His parents will come see her and me tomorrow afternoon.

I hope everyone here is having a wonderful Christmas!!!!!

Too Cute!!! I am so glad that your morning turned out well. See, it can be done without the WH!! It helps to have family around too!

Your breakfast sounded Yummy!!!

Kim