Yeah, unless he's got some big medical problem that is ongoing, he'll survive it (mental problems notwithstanding!)

He HAS had a change in status if you dropped him, but in my state he would have had to make the change w/in 30 days, which is over now... someone at your co or his co can get him some insurance I'm sure. Hard Head is correct in that it is NOT the end of the world, and he's making you feel like it is.

Nice try, WH...

Have a great day, SadMommy!
MSA

Actually, b/c his company is so small, they don't offer insurance to their employees. But they do give a monthly insurance allowance, which he has been counting as just part of his income.

We were talking about this back in October. We had met to discuss the finances, and he said he couldn't count the insurance allowance as part of his income when figuring how much he could give DD and me because he needed it to buy his own policy. I told him then he would be on my insurance until Dec. 31. He's usually pretty financially savvy, so I assumed (wrongly, apparently) that he would use the last two months of the year to find his own policy, like he said he would.

Well, he can't get back on until the next open enrollment period in the fall.

I found out that it IS a provision in the DRO, which I haven't even seen. The attorney said not to worry, b/c WH and I had talked about this change before filing, b/c I took the steps to do it before I filed, and that it sounds like it was WH's idea to begin with, since he said he had to use the insurance allowance to buy his own policy when we talked about finances. The attorney said as long as WH tells the truth, it shouldn't be a problem, although he thinks it's not going to be smooth. But if he doesn't tell the truth, they might file for contempt. He said it could easily be fixed, though.

Grr. If I had any idea, I would never have done it... The accountant I talked to said it was understandable that I did it... I don't need to be saddled with any expenses he might incur. Man, I'm freaking out right now, even though the attorney said not to worry... can't help it!

Ha! Don't count on him being honest. I'm paying $500. a month for our health insurance. WH has always been on my policy. He agreed to pay the car insurance if I continued paying it. Well, guess what - he informed my a month AFTER the car insurance was CANCELLED, that he could no longer afford it. That was around the time he and OW took a 2 week long trip to Hawaii.

I'm still paying. But I'm waiting until we divorce. My luck is that I would be the one ending up in trouble.

About GUILT

If it helps, ask yourself this question:
a) Did I act in a vindictive, hurtful manner? NOPE.
b) Did I act outside of my integrity? NOPE.

So, there is no need to feel GUILTY.

About FEAR

a) Is he likely to act out in a physically violent way? It doesn't seem like it.
b) Is his lawyer likely to pass a judgment of some sort on you? Perhaps, but then they'd have to show damages, and since he hasn't had to pay anything out of pocket, there are no damages, and since he is getting a stipend to put toward insurance, again, there are no damages.
c) Is he likely to try to make you FEEL GUILTY and FEEL AFRAID? Yes. Clearly.

It is your CHOICE to FEEL GUILT when there has been no wrong-doing.

It is your CHOICE to FEEL FEAR when there is little to fear, but fear itself.

STAY STRONG!!!

Thanks, HH. I'm still on pins and needles about this!

Mystery man called again. Warned me to be careful what I say b/c WH plans to carry a tape recorder and try to bait me into an argument. WH says I always start an argument right before he leaves with DD. IT would be a violation AND could be considered abuse if it were true. What usually happens is I will ask a question, usually about DD, as in, what are your plans for New Year's Eve? Can you have DD that night?

He on the other hand, told me I was "full of s***" when I asked him to respect my wishes about OW not being around DD. Looking back over things, I probably have said some things I shouldn't around her, but never in a raised voice or mean tone. I'm nipping that problem in the bud.

MM also told me that OW is writing everything down for WH. I'm wondering what kind of whoppers are in there!

SadMommy, Your separation and divorce is TAME, with capital letters, compared to so many.

Please, learn to LAUGH or at least shake your head and smirk at WH's LAME attempts to intimidate you.

My god. The more I see from this character, the better off you are without him. Sooner is better. No sense wasting 10 or 20 years of your life with someone that would have figured more and more inventive ways to hurt you. Ugggh.

Keep your chin up. And let your integrity surf above the chop that he is trying to create.

The least he could do is walk away with his tail between his legs. And, go quietly into the night.

Seriously, living good, getting a life, will be your sweetest revenge.

I know... I try to tell myself that lots of people go through this, that they survive. That there are worse situations out there... heck, I've seen worse on this board, and those couples have RECOVERED.

It still hurts and upsets me, being in the middle of it.

God bless my mom. Maybe it was the pain medicine talking, but she was great to talk to tonight, even after undergoing what she called two hours of torture today! She had a diagnostic procedure on her back involving big needles. Ouch.

Anyway, we had the most wonderfully encouraging heart-to-heart tonight. I know God was speaking to me through her.

Yup, moms are the greatest.

Yes, I feel so bad for her, though. She's had chronic back pain for several years now and has had several surgeries. Each time, the docs say this is the one that will help, but it never does. Depending on the results from yesterday, she may end up having her S-I joints permanently fused.

She said yesterday was terrible. The doc doesn't do that test very often and had a hard time getting the needles in the right places.

When it was over, she told him she had been thinking of he11 during the test, so she'd better behave herself so she won't end up there! Ha, still a sense of humor even with all that!

But even after all of that, she talked to me for an hour and a half, telling me what a good mom I am and how proud she is of me. She said that God has plans for me, that I will build a better life for me and DD, better than what I had with WH. She told me about guardian angels. She even said I should laugh at WH grasping at straws trying to intimidate me b/c he knows he's in trouble. She reiterated that this whole mess has nothing to do with me, that WH didn't do it to hurt me, that she feels sorry for him.

I really, really needed to hear that stuff last night.

Just got the interrogatories from WH's attorneys. 25 pages long. Luckily, many of the Q's don't apply... no rental property, stocks, etc.

Still scary to see all that, though. Nice to have it all right before the weekend to think about, right?

My attorney's office said things are looking up, that WH will meet with his attorney next week to discuss settlement stuff, too. A positive sign? I don't know. Pray for us, please!

Found out tonight that the boss told OW today she wasn't catching onto the permanent position they had hired her for, especially since they've hired someone else with more experience. I was told he said if she wanted to stay, she could be the custodian/errand-runner. I doubt she'll go for that... not really her cup of tea.

My caller said she was devastated, and WH was at her place "consoling" her this evening. I didn't really say much, other than, wow, that really sux for her... very interesting. He said, "what, you're not even going to laugh? If it was happening to you, she's be throwing a party."

I guess that shows how different she and I are. Sure wish I could be a fly on the wall, though.

Taking the high road, taking the highroad, GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Yep, you said it, believer. I pray nightly to get through this with dignity and grace. I've fallen a few times, but I'm hoping I can maintain what I'm doing now.

But this new development could make things interesting...

I'm sure the whole affair will fall apart.

Just keep being the better woman.

I just hope she doesn't twist it around and blame it on me.

Who cares?

Hopefully she'll show your husband her true colors. It sounds like he is already doing some comparisons in her mind. (Does any man really want a woman who would rejoice over someone else's misfortune?)

SadMommy -

Did you ever find out who this mystery caller is that keeps giving you this info??

Kim

Yep, Kim. I sure did. I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone who he is. When the time is right, I'll tell here, and you will be blown away like I was.

Hey believer, I hope WH IS doing some comparisons right now. Hopefully he's been doing that all along... missing my good healthy cooking, missing having his wife and precious baby girl around all the time. And then, hopefully he's missing being with a woman who takes care of herself, doesn't wear gobs of mascara even to go jogging or take an hour to get ready every morning, who's responsible with money, who doesn't have a lot of drama... Makes me sad for him. When he wakes up, it's going to be really bad.