When will your D be final?

I consoled myself that the judges (unfortunately) saw this stuff ALL the time, they aren't stupid. They must know about as much about A's as MBers do...

Ugh.

I have NO idea when this will be final. There hasn't been any court date set or anything at all that I know of. I was supposed to meet with the lawyer last week to discuss what I wanted in a settlement, but he had jury duty and must have gotten tied up with stuff. I'm frustrated with how slowly this is going.

I told him that, that I just wanted this over with. I'm guessing we'll be done sometime this spring? Man, I hope so. I just want to close this chapter of my life and move on.

Just got an email from the attorney. He had talked to WH's attorney this morning, who said she is working with WHattorney on documents for a settlement conference. What's a settlement conference? Is that like mediation? I'll be talking to the attorney later today anyway, but it was bugging me.

I don't know the answer to your question, I just wanted to let you know I was thinking about you. Both of our situations seem to be moving so fast. How are you doing? Are you holding out any hope or are you just done? I am not sure about myself, but I am done with WH, don't know if I am hoping for H's return anymore or not.

It is all just pretty surreal at times.

Yes, very surreal. And sadly, I'm not holding out hope anymore. I'm pretty sure H is gone for good, and this weird, alien WH is here to stay. I guess reading hurting's thread recently kickstarted that thought... how she said her WH came to the house and said he was done, how she noted that there was nothing in his eyes. That made me realize that I haven't seen any positive feelings in my WH's eyes. Not even remorse or guilt. It's like I don't exist to him anymore. I am so sad and hurt by that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

He cannot face what he is doing.

Maybe so, like he's trying to convince himself this is the right thing when he knows it's wrong.

I don't know what it was, but I was feeling really upset last night. On the way home from LLL, I was feeling like I was going to snap... angry, sad, hurt, all muddled up together. Maybe a little righteous indignation thrown in there, too. I guess talking about DD's upcoming birthday at the meeting started it. I invited both STBXH and his parents to the party I'm throwing for DD, and neither he nor his parents have invited me, her MOTHER, to the one they're throwing for her the next day. I can understand not being invited to a family Christmas party, but this is a party in honor of my daughter. I would hope that he could be big enough to set aside whatever he's feeling about me for the sake of DD. Is it always going to be like this? Two of everything? It's maddening. I'm afraid she's going to end up a brat b/c of this, like he's trying to one-up me on everything. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it!

Well, I meet with the attorney first thing in the morning to talk about discovery and the settlement. WH left an envelope on the kitchen counter when he came to get DD. In it was a list of stuff he wants from the house... "I hope we can work this out between us." Basically, he wants all the expensive stuff in the garage and the dining room suite. Stuff he could sell. Not sure how I feel about it. I wanted that stuff sold to cover attorney fees. I'm not saying a word about the list if he asks me tonight.

Went to IC today. I've been coming to the realization for the past few days that WH didn't fall out of love with me overnight, as I have lamented about here on this board recently. Looking back, I can see signs that he was unhappy... mainly a short fuse and disrespectful behavior. Very, very painful, and we talked mostly about that today.

Also talked about anger and getting that out in a healthy way.

Hang in there, mommy. My WH also had a coldness about him. I could feel that, after 15 years of marriage and raising 6 kids together, he felt nothing. In fact, he had a disdain for anything that I felt. It was so strange, like he was inhabited by an evil being.

Well, we didn't save the marriage, but lately WH is constantly writing me letters telling me how ashamed and sorry for his actions he is.

Update... met with the attorney this morning. Seemed to go OK. Gave him my list of what I want, and he's supposed to get together with WH's attorney soon.

Sounds good. Don't stress about it too much. 99% of the time, these things are settled out of court.

Hopefully your WH will wake up soon.

Believer, I hope so. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

DD again didn't want to go with him tonight. Threw a fit and flopped down on the floor crying even! When he brought her back, he said she'd been fussy.

Wow, she was WOUND up when he left. Even though bedtime is 8:30, she was chattering away, ready to play, when she came home. Here it is 9 p.m. and I just got her to bed. Sigh, she is so darn cute!!

Flopping on the floor and throwing a fit is fairly common at her age. I still remember the first time I took my oldest son to ChuckECheese on his 1st birthday. When we left, he threw himself down on the floor right in the middle of the doorway and pitched a fit. He didn't want to leave. People had to walk around him, and I was mortified.

A list of things he wants...

That caused some friction for us... he put a chair & a half on his list that I bought us for a Christmas present as a surprise while he was on a "business" knocking up OW... that just seemed hurtful.

So much of it was presented like he was doing me a big favor, because there was "no way the judge was going to allow something that wasn't close to a 50/50 split." That's when my atty said we would go "for cause" (I'm in a no-fault state). She figured I was a good candidate since I hadn't done anything but try to take care of DD's. You seem similarly situated to me; I think the judge will really be on your side (at least I hope, if the judge has any sense!)

I'm still hoping & praying your WH will come to his senses before it's too late and he loses everything of value to him...

MSA

Yep, that's sort of what my attorney has told me, that we're in a very good position. MSA, WH has sort of done the same thing yours did... let's work it out by ourselves. He told me he didn't want any of the "stuff" in the house. But the things that really matter to me, custody/visitation, child support, retirement account, and the house itself... he won't budge. Like I can be bought with our stuff!

Hate to say it, MSA, but I'm feeling like it's getting really, really close to being too late for WH. At this point, it would take a LOT.

Hey believer, I figured the temper tantrum was a normal thing for her age... that was the first time she's done it though. Wow, she's getting so smart. I think she'll be off bottles in a couple weeks. She usually takes 3 at daycare and we nurse at home. I've been sending 2 bottles and a sippy cup with her this week, and it's working out well. We'll be going for 2 cups and 1 bottle next week. Sigh, she's getting to be such a big girl!

I know. Believe me I was there when I filed, so I do know. My heart was closed to him. I told him it felt like a switch just went off.

My 1 year old niece started walking ON her 1st birthday last week... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Praying for you every day.

MSA

Thanks for the prayers, MSA. Very cool about your niece. DD is toddling around pretty well now. Her new big thing is waving bye bye. Heck, we were leaving the house this morning, just us, no one else here, and she started waving as we were going out to the car! Too cute.

Heard from my helpful friend today, and I'm really, really upset right now. He said WH is going to try to say I'm a lesbian b/c one of my best friends is. Oh brother. How can he make that kind of bogus claim? What's really going to suck is that I'll have to tell her she has to find somewhere else to stay next weekend when she comes down for DD's birthday party. She is going to be really mad at WH and probably won't even come b/c he'll be here at the party. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Some of the stuff he told me really got me upset. Gave me intimate details of what OW has told him about WH and my SF, which are totally untrue. And even if it were, why would a man share that with a "friend" of the opposite sex?? He said OW told him that if it comes up, she will get on the stand and say how I told her many times that I hate SF. When he told her that wouldn't look right, she said WH's sister would say the same thing. As if I had even ever talked to SIL about SF!!!

He said WH is pathetic. Said WH got a new credit card and borrowed a few thousand against it with one of those advance checks they send you and gave the money to OW so she could keep her apartment. Ha, and he doesn't have $200 to give me to get the car serviced!!

He said it seems like the only reason OW hasn't moved in with WH is b/c of the temporary order which keeps her away from DD. He said WH has told her that I won't agree to a divorce b/c I'm begging him to come home and put this behind us. Said that WH has agreed to everything I want about child support, custody and selling the house. I said that's odd, b/c we haven't even talked about it yet.

I hate to say it, but I feel I am better off without him. It really pains me to say that.

On a positive note, I finished the new member class at church today, and DD and I will be introduced as new members tomorrow morning. I'm very excited about it. Looks like there will be all kinds of opportunities to serve God and the congregation. When we were going over that stuff, I signed up to get information about several programs... music ministry, community outreach, their homeless program, and Stephens ministry for people in crisis. I've done something similar as a volunteer with a local nonprofit.

I've got a bellydance show tonight. Our troupe is dancing for the studio owner's sister's birthday party. I get to wear my newly completed coin bra... yay! At least dance provides me a good outlet to relieve stress and frustration!

That's great about the church opportunities; those are the things that will pull you out of this situation, keep you from becoming bitter about it, reaching out in service to others - good for you! I've heard great things about Stephens ministry. Great!

Your WH is so pathetic; he is the reason no-fault divorce states exist I think... all this bullcrap he's pulling. I hope the judge sees thru him like glass, what a fogged-in state he is in.

As far as all the SF hearsay, and lesbian friends, I hope the judge sees that for the diversionary tactic that it is.

Your attorney just needs to keep it simple.

Vows. Marriage. Wife. House. Baby. OW. Abandonment.

He's trying to divert attention from the obvious.

MSA

Yes, I can't understand why OW is telling this guy all this SF stuff. You would think that in order to draw attention AWAY from the adultery, WH wouldn't want to bring up SF at all, in any form. B/c, if there was a problem with SF, as in, he's not getting enough, wouldn't that just make the case for adultery even stronger?

I don't see how he would bring up this stuff anyway, b/c in his response to the complaint, there was no counterclaim other than irreconcilable differences. I doubt a judge would appreciate that sort of tangent. Also, his attorney is a very well-respected family law expert. I can't imagine her supporting him in this craziness. At least, according my counselor, the attorney wouldn't let him do anything stupid. Sigh, this is just absolutely nuts!

I agree... good thing he has an experienced atty who will hopefully keep things out that will increase the chaos factor? We can hope.