It's been since July that my A was discovered. I'm trying like mad to save our marriage. I know it takes time to recover from an A, but I've been showing him lots of love and giving him no room to trust me. I gave him all my passwords to emails and instant messenger. Every Tuesday I have meetings that run about 30mins past work. I was 30mins as I usually am and he called and wanted to know why I was so late and I explained that it is my normal Tuesday meeting. I seen him checking my cell phone which is ok as I have nothing to hide. Asked him if I had a call and he said no he was just calling his phone from mine phone. I was up all night last night. I then called him this afternoon and he was real short with me and I asked him what was wrong and if he was ok. He shly said nothing I could tell that was not the truth.. I'm really trying to make our marriage work but I kinda feel as I'm fighting an uphill battle. Any advice??

SADUSMCWIFE

You make me jealous.. I wish my wife would even try to do what you're doing, instead she thinks there's nothing wrong. I have all her passwords, etc, but she can still use a webcam without them. I left it up to her to remove that as well, and she told me she doesn't care, she doesn't use it anymore. At least until I saw some new videos of hers and his...

Anyways, what I"m trying to say, Your H is really going through a tough time right now. Knowing what I"ve been through this past week. He's probably questioning himself, his future, what's right for him, and whether you are truely sincere or if this is just another phase, 1 to 5 years from now will all be repeated again. You've done a good job at giving him every reason to trust you, but the amount of hurt caused to him, isn't going to go away right now. I know my wife has done something when she starts giving me abnormal amounts of affection, one night she was all huggy, and really nice and sweet... I woke up the next morning, and checked the chat log.. boom, there she was talking about how she tried to get me to go to bed so she could be with him.

I'm meeting with a counselor tomorow and tomorow or Friday may become D-Day for me. I don't know. If she did what you are doing now, I might.... consider having a change of heart. But as it is, there haven't been a huge number of good memories. Our best memory is when we jointly filed bankruptcy, and that was 2.5 years ago.

Your H is really hurt, YOu have to try to show him that you do sincerely care about him, and in my view, and I'm not a professional so take it for what it's worth... In my view, make sure you tell him, that you can't comprehend the amount of pain you've caused, and that he knows you are remorseful and you realize that nothing you can do will take the pain away. But that you ask for one more chance to recover your life. SEE A counselor! he may be more comfortable talking with someone there to mediate.. It's hard to say, but do your best to be there for him, but realize that sawing off one of his limbs would probably have been less painless than what he's feeling now. I'm not putting you down, I applaud your efforts and your sincereness. The reality though is that he's bleeding right now. You're trying to make the wound you created disappear. Not something that happens right away. So, hang in there, keep trying, pray, and be sincere and open with him. In time I think he'll come around, The wounds of love are the hardest to heal in life.

I'm learning this first hand.

Just keep doing what your doing. My wife has been perfect for three + months and I still don't completely trust her! If you stay on it he will come around, just be patient.

Hello,
It sounds like you are trying very hard. It sounds like you love your husband and wish to save the marriage very much. My question is therefore what were you thinking? What did you expect to happen to your husband and your marriage when you entered having an affair? A major problem is that your husband had to find out about the affair and you did not confess to him first. He probably believes it would still be continuing if you had not been caught so he finds it very difficult to trust anything you say right now. He is probably going back over timelines seeing how you have lied to him while you were in the affair and knowing you willingly put his health at risk. Again it seems like you really love your husband and your marriage so what did you think would happen when you had sex with another man? Think about what you would need and feel if the roles had been reversed. I wish you luck.

I too am in a sim sit. It has been 1 1/2 yrs since the A. I have tried everything I possibly can to make things work. Since then he has been on several dating sites talking on the phone and emailing other women.I am not happy about htis but he will not stop. We just started coun last week,she has given us several books to read but he has not made any attempt to read them, he says that they all sound alike after a while. I too am looking for help. What should I do next????