I have posted many times now and have read many posting. My wife and I have been seperated for a year now. I had an afair for 6 months that came out 1 1/2 years ago and I have not had contact with the OW in a year. We have attempted counseling over the year and developed a decent friendship. I was hoping for reconsiliation at some point. I have spent a year changing, focused and expressing commitment and remorse. I so terribly regret what I had done. @ weeks ago she told me that she loved me with all of her heart, has seen tremendous change and enjoys my company, but doesn't see me as more than a friend now and has been happier and healthier in the past year. She said it was the hardest decision she had to make, but she wants a divorce. We have gone out twice since thenand continue to have a good time, however,she did metion divorce again subtly this past weekend. She is taking me out for my Bday on Friday, which I think is the last time we will hang out. I really don't want to let my marriage go because I stil lsee a lot of love there, but I dont want to change her mind, just open it. I was thinking of giving her divorce papers and telling her that if she doesnt beleive she can be happy in the marriage and needs the divorce the best gift i can give her is to meet that need despite how much I dont want to. i just want her to be happy. Is this a good or bad idea...any thoughts. Thanks.

Good luck in making this very tough decision. I think you have to decide how serious she is and the liklihood of changing her mind. It's hard when you do not live together to find those ways to rekindle the flames.

I am not the best person to advise you because I am also separated, was not the one who initially wanted the D, but can now say similar things to what your wife is saying (about wanting the D - except that I am not interested in maintaining a friendship with my STBXH). I am not willing to revisit this decision at this point. And I seriously doubt the future would change that, but I do know people can change themselves as well as change their minds. Anything is possible.

Have you considered going to the counselor the two of you saw and say what you have said to us here? See what the counselor thinks about your chances, and your options for reconciliation?

Good luck!