I must add some background about myself and my M first as this isn't your average scenario (at least I think not). I had previously been a WH (A lasted from Feb 26, 2005 to April 23, 2005) which we were "recovering from" with no real plan. I thought I was in Love and I was almost prepared to leave the wife and kids, but in the end. I returned to my wife and we decided to try and work things out. There was also a situation 3 weeks later where I saw OW and fell back into the trap. I did not tell my wife this for a month. Now that you have the dirt on me let me explain my situation

I discovered about my wife's A September 5, 2005. It had only been going on for 2-4 weeks. After confronting her with it she said she would end it whilst denying there was any sex. She slept with him that evening. Came home and denied it. I produced proof she was lying and she told me the whole story. She spent the rest of the next week saying she doesn't know what she wants and she needs space, whilst lying about contact which would eventually come out.

I had booked a flight on Friday Sep 9 to fly home to the USA on Tuesday. My SIL called me and told me not to go as she will just pick back up with the affair. I took her advice and my wife went home to the UK on Tues. Sep 13. She returns on the Sep 26. SIL, BIL and FIL are all taking a softly, softly approach to persuade her to really think what she is doing. She just seems to get more and more angry.

She says she doesn't want to throw in the towel just yet, but she won't commit to the marriage. She tells me her last contact was text 9 days ago. I want to belive it, but deep down I feel she is lying to everyone around her. She still wants me to go away for a few weeks. When we speak I am the target for so much rage, anger and complete "100%" blame for all our problems. She says he is not in the equation and she has only been thinking of us. I don't think she has come to terms with this and is not confronting this issue before she deals with us.

W has also just had me by a ticket for her Mother (who walked out on her family leaving Dad to raise the kids) to come back with her for 10 days. I am concerned she is still in contact, at least EA, with OM. And will use her Mum to babysit while I am gone and she can restart the PA.

I am not certain which path to take. I do love her and want to make it work for us and the kids. I think she is just addicted at the moment to this completely unsuitable guy. All of her family (except maybe her mum) think OM is a loser. SIL and BIL have met him. He is a nice (i used to think nice) yob. I could really use advice and or comments. Is my imagination running away? I don't think so, but I am open to all opinions. Should I just move out? Give her an ultimatum? Become a doormat (don't think I could actually handle this while knowing it is going on)? Thanks.

FWH / BS - 37
FBW / WW - 44
DD - 6
DS - 4

I also have a thread in General Questions if you would like some more details.
LostInAFog thread http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=2&vc=1

My only comment is I wonder what MIL is going to do?

1. She tells your WW what a mistake she is making and how much she regrets the mistakes she made in her life; or

2. She gets the chance to futher justify the bad decisions she made years ago by encouraging and enabling her daughter to follow the family tradition.

Terrible situation.

You probably got all the MB, buy this, buy that encouragement on your other thread and I hope you have. You both have a lot to recover from and small children can hopefully be your encouragement to try and keep trying. Hold off on ultimatums - use Plan A and Plan B to win her back but first you've got to bust up that affair.

Good Luck, Mr. Wondering

I desperately could use some advice here. My WW is returning home tomorrow, without MIL. Me and the kids will pick her up at the airport with banners saying we love you. However, she has said she can't stand to even be in the same room as me right now. Her two weeks away to get OM out of her head have made her come to demonize/hate/despise me (something along those lines). I have told her I love her, but that I need her to make a decision to commit to trying or finishing. I don't want to lose her, but I am struggling with this unknown and my work is really suffering. I don't know how else to handle this. I know she feels I am pushing her for this decision, but shouldn't I be? I just don't know if I can actually work without an answer.

I have asked if she could commit just for the kids sake and if in 3 months or 6 months it is not working for us then we make a decsion to finish. She says right now she'd rather finish our relationship. I can't believe these are her true feelings. I think she has just escaped the last couple of weeks and her way of justifying her affair was to put all the blame on me, which is what she is basically doing. I think she is not able to come to terms with what she has done (maybe I'm wrong?) and it is easier for her to handle it this way. She says the affiars aren't even the big issue, it is all her cries for attention over the last 10 years that have been unmet are the problem. She knows I have changed and want to try, but she tells me they are just words and words are easy. How can she risk our children's future like this? What can I do to try and bring her around to even try. I can't even Plan A because she is either unwilling to try or is still in her affair. Please help!?! I need advice. Thanks.