"Met" someone on Match and we REALLY had a lot in common, e-mailed, TM'ed and fair bit and had talked a good bit on the phone. We never met in person, but had exchanged pics and we were mutually attracted to each other.

I was honest about my prior "shortcomings" and she was actually impressed by it. She admitted that I was exactly what she was looking for...except...

I am an agnostic and she is a woman of Faith.

We had discussed it at length and she had been praying on it and finally came to the conclusion that she needed a guy like me AND who is a CHristian.

She called and told me (I respect that a lot!), so we parted quite amicably.

I am disappointed, no doubt, but I am happy with the healthy way I took the "rejection", which was something I was concerned about when I got into this Match system.

Oh well, I did learn some things about my search criteria, so it certainly wasn't all for naught.

WNB

(((((WNB)))))

Rejection stinks. But it sounds like you have a healthy attitude. Faith can be a big difference, and she put a lot of thought into it. How long did ya'll communicate with each other? Remind us of your dating "status"? Meaning... is this the first "interest" you've really had? Don't give up!!!!

Yeah, it stinks. Get used to it, though, nearly all online "matches" end in a dump, so you have to take it in stride. And you just never know, you might strike gold one day! I think the way she broke it off was a class act. Most people don't give an onliner this consideration.

Getting dumped and how we react can be a sign of health. Heck, you ain't even divorced yet so have patience and take things slow. That the issue seems to come down to religion, I wouldn't take it to personally. As a person of faith, I can visualize myself in the circumstance, struggling, and ultimately doing as she did. While I have several wonderful friends who are Agnostic and actually the best Religous conversation I've ever had was with a Wiccan, at the end of the day I couldn't see myself in a long-term intimate relationship with someone who didn't share my belief.

Hugs, THouhgts, & Prayers

Check, you are right. What you say sounds negative, but you are right. Online dating is somewhat of a numbers thing.... and you do have to fish through several potential matches that don't work out until you find one that does work out. As you practice, your skills improve.... "picking" skills (knowing what you want, and how to read people) and dating skills... and your chances improve. The better your picking and dating skills are to begin with, the fewer duds you have to go through. IMO

She was the second lady I had corresponded with. I completely understand her reasoning as settling on the important things is no way to begin any relationship.

I am upfront about my marital status and I only contact women that are OK with that. I don't view dating as a bad thing at this point because it is tamping down my "baser" urges to hit the bars and find floozies! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

The first lady had contacted me and we e-mailed and talked for about a week. I really liked her personality-wise, but she didn't strike the initial "attraction" with me, so I was the "dumper". I called her and did it respectfully and she appreciated it.

I have e-mailed abut three other ladies (one had even winked at me first) and never heard a thing from them. What is so hard about filling out the formulaic "Thanks, but No Thanks" replies that Match gives you? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

These experiences are really getting things into focus for me regarding distance between any ladies and I and what I will and will not compromise on.

You can't win at the "Game" (serious R), unless you are in the "Game".

Proceeding with caution,

WNB

I am no hurry to get tied into a serious R at this point.

I miss the company of a woman...it's that simple.

I am a talker and I actually do listen, so my "chick genes" must not be recessive! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

When the LB for STBXW emptied, I knew it and I am NOT looking for a replacement for her.

Although it turned out to be a false one, at some point I believed I was in a REAL M and I loved it. Now that it turned out to be false, I know of the happiness and work that an R and M's require and I'd like to have that in my life again in the next few years...NO hurry for M at this point! YIKES!!!

Does that make sense?

WNB

I made it a point to tell her that I appreciated that she called...

I have also made that promise to myself that I won't go the "easy" route and do such things by e-mail or answering machine...

Honesty is a practiced skill, so the more you are honest when it isn't easy, the easier it will get.

Sometimes the truth is unpleasant. We can call it "negative," which means to some people that it should be rejected because it isn't "positive." It's better not to tag perjorative terms on thruth, but accept it for what it is.

Careful though you may be, with on line dating, many people completely misrepresent themselves, so you will always be sifting through duds. With experience, you'll be able to see tell-tale signs that you're dealing with a looser early in the process.

It is nice that she called. I believe the "level" of communication determines the "level" of rejection communication. If all you've done is emailed then do it over email, if all you've done is talk on the phone, then do it by phone, etc.

This rejection was [edit:not as hard as it could have been] because she was considerate. Be prepared for the ones who just stop answering your phone calls. Don't take it personally. Many people find confrontation difficult and rejection is a confrontation of sorts. Very few people enjoy doing it. So, many do take the easy way out.

I agree with LH. How you handle rejection (especially the harder ones) is a very good indication of if you are "ready" to be dating.

Wow, I'm sorry, but you seem to be handling it well.

I am in a similar situation - dating someone currently (who I did meet through Match) who is of faith and I'm agnostic. Not an issue now as things are not serious, but wonder if it could be.

I agree...facts are facts.

Whether or not a person LIKES them is a whole other issue...the facts still won't change.

It gets back to my belief that Life puts certain "cards" for you, on the table.

You may not LIKE those "cards"...you may not WANT those "cards".

But they're yours and you HAVE to make the best of them.

Don't get me wrong, I am disappointed!

We had been in contact for about three weeks...She was a beautiful, conservative, pistol-shooting bicycle rider...I could not have dreamed up a better match!

BUT...

We diverged on an issue very important to her, so I have to accept her decision.

I did tell her that I would much prefer hearing that news now rather than AFTER I got emotionally attached to her.

If there was an icon for a pouty, whiny face, it would be right here! Ha Ha

As you go along on this, your disappointment level about these early dumps will go down. It comes with the territory. Do yourself a favor. Do not spend weeks emailing, TMing and talking on the phone before meeting. I would drop the TMing altogether. Do a couple of days of emailing and then have a phone call or two. Then it is time for a face-to-face meeting. I recommend a late afternoon drink or coffee. If it doesn't go well, you only have an hour or so invested. If it does go well, you can always ask her if she wants dinner.

People make the mistake of having a long, electronic "courtship" only to meet figure out it doesn't work for them. The other danger is that the electronic part is an incomplete communication stream. People who may connect well in person, may not do so online or on the phone.

I understand your disappointment. I really do. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> You're doing good talking it through here, if that's what you feel like doing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Soooo many questions... sooooo many things to think through. But YOU KNOWWWWWW.... the disappointment WILL fade.

After my break-up last Friday night, I couldn't even think of anyone else. Noone else seemed good enough. The disappointment eased up. The questions faded. About 4 days later (and I bet it won't take YOU that long) I got brave enough to start browsing around match.com again, and starting getting interested again. Like wow... look at the possibilities.

hugs,
Faith1

Was that the one you had been dating for a few weeks?

I am sorry to hear about that...hopefully it wasn't a WHOLLY unpleasant experience.

You are right though...I got back to browsing and the possibilities are motivating.

The key for me is to get the actual meeting relatively soon, so she can see my stellar personality! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Could you please quantify this number as a percentage? Just curious.

I have no idea of the percentage, TBG. I do know that all but three of the women I have met online were nothing like their profile described themand their personality "in person" was completely different than their electronic persona (including phone). Two had used fake pictures and one used a pic that was at least 10 years old and taken at a time when she was at least 70 lbs lighter. She's said she was 38, but she was really more like 58. One woman seemed perfectly normal, but when we met spent the entire evening talking about her bagful of pyschotropic meds, how much progress her psychiatrist thought she had made over the last six years and how her fourth husband really wasn't such a bad joe after all. And she did this while outdrinking me three to one, and refused to let me call her a cab after she'd consumed seven drinks in three hours. One met me for a drink at a quiet bar near my office, and before she had got the cocktail straw out of her drink, was telling me how bad a case she had for me and the various and sundry things she planned on doing to me in bed later that evening. (she never got the chance.) One tried to sell me a cat. One seemed a nice lady and we had a second date. On that date, she asked me to make her $3400 mortgage payment, because she was short of funds. Hooboy! The other three ladies were normal and just exactly has they had presented themselves, but not for me. BTW, I was on Match.

You know, it wasn't always this way. The first matchmaking service I ever used was in early days before the advent of the WWW. Then, only colleges, research facilities, the government, the military, and a few corporations were on the net. The matchmaking services tended to have professionals and academics using them, so the dynamic was much diffferent. There were no browsable profiles or pictures and you got matches only. Communication was through their private messaging system. It seems crude by today's standard, but I met some interesting people on them. The best web-based service I ever used was Matchmaker, but that was over 10 years ago. I'm told now that it's pretty much dead.

It would depend on how deep their convictions are in their faith, and even what their faith is in.

I know I have ended relationships based on the same thing before, I knew from experience it would cause problems.

There can even be relationship problems based on going to different denomational churches because some of the basic teachings are so different.

Something for you to consider, is this person dating you with hopes of 'converting' you later? I've actually known people to do that, date someone only because they wanted to 'get them saved' which is not good for the relationship.

So maybe that is something you should be discussing with this person, even if things aren't 'that serious' right now,
because it's easier to end a relationship at this stage than when your more emotionally attached.

Very good point, it can't hurt to have the conversation.