So, last night as I got home from work, out of nowhere, a thought popped into my head. I was heading to the mailbox, and I just KNEW that there was going to be a certain piece of mail I'd been expecting. I don't knkow why I knew yesterday was the day, but somehow I felt it was.

I opened the mailbox, and I was right. Inside was a pink envelope, no return address, a postmark from an area where there's only one person I know, and a sticker on the back with little baby footprints.

Yes, XH and OW recently had a baby, and she felt the need to send me a birth announcement. I didn't even bother to open it - why bother. I know what it is.

It's been well over a year since our divorce has been final. I still don't know if hers is - it wasn't as of the first of the year. It's been about a year since I had any contact with them, and all my contact with her was completely involuntary. The only reason I still had contact with him was that he had not taken care of paying fines that had to be done to get our names off of each other's cars, and it was affecting insurance and costing me money. We finally got it straightened out October of last year, and I have had nothing to do with him since. They, however, have tried to contact me, sent me things, shown up at my church (which is over two hours away from where they live) and things like that.

How sad is that? Don't these people have a life? I thought they got what they wanted. She actively worked to break up our marriage - even though I had never met her before, she acted as if she had some sort of vendetta against me in all this. She wanted to take my place. Well, she got my husband, she had his baby. He got rid of me. Why do they need to keep trying to drag me back in?

And to think when I was trying simply to get him to live up to his obligations, all I kept hearing from them was that I needed to "grow up and move on." But as soon as he wasn't costing me money anymore, I was done. Haven't had a thing to do with them. Now who can't move on?

Why can't these people leave me alone? How sad are their lives anyway?

Ok, I'm done. I just don't get it. They got what they wanted, and it isn't enough? I guess I'm glad I don't get it.

[color:"green"] (( [/color] [color:"blue"]Osxgirl [/color] [color:"green"] )) [/color]
I know you probably wrote this as a vent thread, but I had to pop in and give you a hug. I know it hurt to have received that announcement. Is it better to have heard about it this way (privately) than to have seen them out somewhere with a baby, or heard through "their" friends, and gotten caught off guard?

((Osxgirl)) cyber hugs from me too. I'm sorry.

Oh, no, this was no surprise. They had the baby a little over a month ago. He announced it on the web site he runs for Arlo Guthrie, so I knew about it. I told my best friend at the time that it wouldn't be long before I got a birth announcement. She said surely they had moved on by now, that surely they would have let it all go by now and would leave me alone.

I told her I hoped she was right, but that I knew she wasn't, that I would get one. And there it was yesterday. There hasn't been an outrageous thing yet I've predicted that they haven't ended up doing eventually. I've surprised everyone around me, because everytime I predict something like this, they say "No, that's going too far, even for them. They won't do that." And I tell them to just wait.

There is a whole list of reasons behind why they are doing this - the psychology here is probably quite amazing. But I would guess that one of the top (concious) reasons that the OW would even realize she had was that it is payback. See, she got pregnant once before, long before XH and I were divorced. He announced that one proudly on the website as well. Thing is, there are a whole lot of people on there that I am good friends with as well. And what he did - well, he basically just started showing up with her instead of me, and let everyone assume we were divorced and they were married, and that everything was all happy. So, he got on there and basically said "Congratulate us, isn't it wonderful" when I was still married to him and dealing with all kinds of financial garbage because he had decided that the obligations he had made with me didn't matter any more, it was more important to help her with the problems she had because her H (yes, she was and possibly still is married) wasn't living up to his financial obligations.

Well, I couldn't take it anymore, and I got on there and exposed big time. I should have done it long before then, I know. But I'd had it. Well, of course, then I was a bitter [email]b@$#%[/email] for having the nerve to rain on their happy little parade. Never mind the fact that the people on the board didn't exactly think too much of how he handled things once they found out what the real situation was. That might have been a clue who was really wrong. Nope, it was all my fault for pointing out the elephant in the room.

And then she lost that baby, and of course, her remark on that one was "Go ahead and tell her what's wrong, I'm sure it will make her happy."

So of course, it makes perfect sense, right? Of course she would send me a birth announcement now to get even. I don't even think the whole fog and alien concept does these people justice. Me, I'm just waiting for that call from the Jerry Springer Show saying that they want to be on the show and will I agree to be on it too.

Osxgirl, I am very sorry. I don't know why they have to send you the announcement either, but I imagine they probably figured it would be worse if you just "happened" to find out about it through your friends, like Avondale said.

I don't understand why they popped over your church in the past either, but can guess - they want "approval". They do not want to feel guilty and want approval from everyone, including yourself.

They are still not thinking straight. I am so sorry.

Hugs,
Milk

P.S. How are your eyes lately?

OG, just wanted to send you a hug. I can't imagine the spite and selfishness it would take for them to behave to you like this. I am so sorry.


slh

I am just speechless, if the reason OW sent you the announcement was "revenge". Who is the one who should be upset here? He was married to you, and she was married to her husband, and she got pregnant! She is something.

At the same time, I am also stunned. Her loosing her baby must have been a sign of something. But she did not get it. She ignored it. Poor baby, I feel bad for the baby.

Thanks everyone.

Oh, MS, as far as my eyes - the neuro-ophthalmalogist told me last week that the pseudotumor has not affected my vision at all. So, I keep taking my medicine - Diamox, which is making me feel sick most of the time, and has other side effects, but I'm supposed to get used to it eventually, and we just keep monitoring to make sure the meds are keeping it under control.

And my migrianes are a little better, though still not great. I go to my regular doctor and to the neurologist next week - hopefully between the two of them they can adjust my medicine a little more and get the migraines back down a little more too. But mostly, things are going ok with all of that. I don't always feel the greatest, but things are under control.

As far as the OW - yes, I can be pretty sure it was revenge. They were very upset at the way I handled a whole lot of things. After all, I had the nerve to actually try to save the marriage, to think he should try and put some effort into it before he just ran off with someone else. And when it was clear he was going to do whatever he wanted, I had the nerve to think that people should actually be told what he did instead of him just replacing "wife a" with "OW b" and having everyone smile, pat him on the back, and say how tough divorce is, but at least he found happiness again. And I had the nerve to think he should actually have to live up to his financial obligations, and I mean the ones to which he was legally obligated, not just handing her money because he felt sorry for her and felt like it and it wasn't fun to pay the bills with me anymore.

After I finally forced him to straighten out the mess he'd made with our cars (and it cost him quite a bit to straighten it out too), she first tried calling me with a "lovely" message. I changed my phone numbers and she couldn't call with it, so she e-mailed it instead. I would post it here for you to read, but I'm afraid that it would end up being so censored you wouldn't be able to make much sense of it anyway, and I would be reprimanded for posting such filth on the board. It was full of her telling me just where and what they had done in, as she put it, my precious condo, in my bed, with me IN the condo supposedly.... it went on and on. Such a nice lady, huh? Do you have any doubt now about the motive behind her most recent gesture?

Again, why they feel the need to continue this is beyond me. They "won", right? Of course, it's fine by me that they did. Their winning reminds me a lot of the old "Let's Make a Deal" shows where someone would trade a whole bunch of really wonderful prizes for what was behind door #3, only to find that what was behind door #3 was a really ugly old..... mule (yeah, just another word for an [email]a@#!)[/email] But they "won" all the same, so isn't it time to take their "prizes" and go home?

Oh, and MS, you are absolutely right about the baby.

In fact, it isn't just the baby. The OW also has an older daughter with her H? XH? whatever he is at this point. She tried to use the child to emotionally blackmail me back when all this first started. After my XH first told me about the A, he said he was telling me because he realized it was wrong, he wanted to end things, and he really wanted to work on the M. OW called me to try and tell me all kinds of horrible things about him, and she also at one point said "I have a little girl here crying her eyes out because she misses XH." My answer? "Well, I guess that makes you Mother-of-the-Year! What kind of mother lets her young daughter get attached to someone else's husband?" Why she thought using her daughter to try and get to me would work on me I'll never know.

Bottom line is, these two poor kids are in just a horrible situation here. I try very hard, and sometimes I am able to pray for them, but not always. So I do always ask - any of you out there that are Christian, please pray for those kids - they need all the prayer they can get! Those are liable to be some really messed up little girls.

{{{Osxgirl}}}

I don't know what to say. OW was so determined to steal your husband that she even used her own daughter to accomplish her mission. It's incredible.

It still breaks my heart whenever I think of my boy without his father, and I can't believe she, as a mother, did not feel bad that her daughter was loosing her own father because of her own mother's choice! I am sure though she justified her action. She may just say "it was love" or something... it is so ridiculous.

You said they go to church? What do they pray to God? I wonder....

But then again, my husband told his brother "Jesus told me to divorce Milk", and truly believes in it, so just b/c you go to church, I guess unfortunately it does not mean that you do the right thing.

Two innocent girls are going to be greatly affected by the whole thing...., and who knows, in the future they may end up doing the same thing their mother did. These things get to passed on.... My H's father was a serial cheater when he was young as well.... It is a family desease. Someone has to stop it. Well, at least you "got out" of it. Yes, they should just stay where they are and not bother you anymore!

I hope you have something fun you are planning on doing this weekend.

Take care,
Milk

You just can't make this stuff up. More proof that truth is stranger than fiction.

My question, will you send a baby gift? JK

That's a real jewel of a gal your ex had hooked up with oxgirl. I guess I should call her a childish, cruel, vindictive, little b*tch -- because that IS what she is.

A friend of mine in the office here asked the same question, just to see the look on my face! If I did, it would have to be a gift certificate for a paternity test, since XH was on the Internet at the time she became pregnant on various sites looking for advice because she was cheating on him, and because she was pregnant and he was wondering how early it was possible to find out who the father is.

His later posts on the website he runs when he announced she was pregnant, gave updates, and finally announced the birth talked about how many weeks and days exactly she was pregnant, so I guess she must have convinced him it was his.

Yes, this part of the story is only the tip of the iceburg. I may write it up as story some day, but I'll have to try and sell it as fiction, because I don't think anyone would believe it as a true story.

Sorry to here about your troubles osxgirl. As someone newly divorced and can understand why you feel the way you do. Try not to get caught up in the drama that they have layed out for you. Who knows what they were thinking, maybe just trying to get your goat. Hopefully you can have some peace and quiet and be able to get on with your life. I understand your frustration, they wanted the divorce and they should at least leave you alone so that you can live your life.

Yuk.

osxgirl,

I would have sent the letter back upopened,return to sender! Maybe even with a nice little stain on the outside.

And from one O'girl to another,they did not "win" anything.They both lost big time,their integrity(if they had it in the first place),self worth,dignity,trust,etc.What they have now is just a pathetic attempt at "normalcy" and it's just not going to be that,ever.It's a sick excuse for a relationship.Nothing more.

It just goes to show you how insecure they really are,you know,like the bully at the playground who has to prove to himself he has worth by pushing other's around? Totally transparent.

O

Thanks timn420 and Octobergirl,

Yes, they are definitely just trying to get my goat. I'm not sure why that's so important to them at this point - as you said Og, insecurity, I guess.

I couldn't return to sender, since they didn't put a return address on it. I didn't bother to open it - I did give it to a friend of mine at church who has supported me through all of this. She did end up opening it, and yes, it was exactly what I thought it was, though she didn't give me any details of what it said.

The bottom line is - I came here to vent a little, because it helps to get it out of my system. And doing that here is the best way to do that. What they want is a reaction. Any reaction. Though it has been a while since I was in junior high school, I do remember dealing with this mentality, and responding to it in any way just encourages more of the same. The only thing to do is ignore it. So, you go complain to your friends (all of you!) about what jerks they are, and just don't say a word to them, because some sort of reaction just feeds them what they want.

Pretty sad that I have to remember all the way back to my junior high days to know how to deal with these supposed adults though.