I stand by what I said to you earlier.

He will cake-eat, I think, for as long as possible.

He is not ready or able to end it with her but wants to...

You will have to help him by no longer enabling his A...

You enable his A by allowing him to relieve himself by having contact with you...

After finishing up with your PLAN A, creating lasting memories of recent pleasant times with you, it will be time to write your PLAN B LETTER and then GO DARK...

I'm pretty sure that will bring about an end to his A....

He knows that there is no future with V. However, he is enjoying his time with her...he's addicted to what she is offering him....the FEELING that she gives him...

This is what I gather from his ALIEN, FOG BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...

Understand?

Winter, I think Mimi hit the nail right on the head!!

Pepperband - I dunno....I did a "modified Plan B" and it worked for us. Like most things, there are few "absolutes."

I would agree that in order to have a "modified Plan B," there needs to be a solid basis for communication, like faith in God, where the "Rules" are established outside of personal "feelings." As long as "feelings" RULE, then a complete Plan B would be in order AFTER a very good Plan A (allowing for the rare exceptions where going to a direct Plan B immediately would be in order, i.e., domestic violence, abandonment by the WS, etc.).

Winter how are you doing? I don't know about a modified plan B, it would seem to me to give mixed messages to all concerned. I know in my situation the fact that my 16 yr old daughter refuses to speak or answer any text messages from WW, and I know for a fact that this is really bothering WW. I can see where complete darkness has a better effect than modified darkness.

"Modified" PLAN B, in my situation, was towards the end of my PLAN B when my WH was working on ending it and trying to negotiate reconciling with me...

Winter, your WH is far from this..

He remains a cake-eater, not motivated yet to get rid of her..

He needs to suffer in order to be motivated to give up THE DRUG...

Suffering means relying on her to meet all of his needs..suffering means doing without you to help relieve him of his pain...

This calls for a DARK, DARK, PLAN B...

IMHO, his conversations with you indicate that this won't last for long...

He clearly knows he belongs with you and she is a loser, there is no future there...let him try to make it with her so he can really get in touch with what a large part of him already knows...

I think you can feel confident that YOU ARE HIS WIFE and HE BELONGS with you...

It will be his MAJOR LOSS to be without you..allow him to suffer the loss of your pleasures....

guys-
please show me a good plan b. The letters dont work with him....Im telling you- the 2 i gave him was like water.
To go dark is.......he understands verbal not written.

You know winter when you go plan B he will have no choice but to read your letter. I does not matter let his mother read your plan B to him. Just hand it to him and say you better really read this. Then walk away. Give him no options. You call the shots with plan B. If he can not read that is not your problem and stop solving his problems now.