Since my wife left about a year ago, I have been in and out of depression for the first time in my life. I am getting medical and mental treatment for it and am making good solid progress and know it will go away eventually.

But what I have learned about depression, is that one tries to find a "quick fix", something to just solve it so we can instantly be happy. For a while, I started buying things, new stereo, new bike, new art, etc. In the end, none of these things made me happy. But a light bulb went on during my depression....

During our marraige, my wife was always purchasing things and she just never seemed to appreciate them. She would purchase expensive art, or furniture, or whatever and then just not appreciate it at all. She would then move on to something else.

She told me she was never happy in our 19 year marraige, never loved me, never this, never that.. I know most of that was fog babble to justify her EA's, but could it be she was just depressed. And possbly by getting out of the marraige, she would also get the "quick fix"? Can someone truly be unhappy in a marraige for 19 years????

She is still in counseling (and so am I) a year after we split and divorced so that is good. I still want her back...

Keith

With 4 affairs, I can promise you that she does have a hole in her heart. Buying things is another symptom. The counseling should help her figure out that she can't fill that emptiness with different people or things.

My WH had a bad Costco habit. He'd go to the warehouse store every week and come home with all kinds of stuff. At first, I liked it because it meant that I didn't have to do the shopping. Actually, I think he was just buying things to fill the void with in him. That was his way of trying to connect with us. A way of buying us off. He doesn't seem able to communicate with us or connect spiritually. Maybe this is the best he can do.

I think it's a great step forward for her to start counseling. Maybe she can become more whole.

I hope she does figure it out, that happiness comes from within, and that sometimes you need to count your blessings with what you have.

I makes me so sad at times that we are apart, that no matter what I did, or tried to do, would not make her happy. She told me that she could not figure out why, for years, that she could not be happy with such a fine husband. (That could have been fog talk also.)

This has been a learning tool for me also. When I now hear of someone in emotional tramau, or depression, I know how real and overwhelming it is. I hope that this entire experience will make me a better person.

No matter what else it does to us, this rollercoaster hones us as people. I am stronger. I will be less of a conflict avoider. I know that I will never again hear of someone having an affair and not voice my opinion. I understand "fog" much better. I have a much better idea of what I want and need out of a relationship.

Unfortunately, the other side is that I will probably never trust anyone wholely again.