well...where to begin? My d-day was 8/20/05 and since then my world has flipped upside down. Ive read alot on this website and so much has hit home that i feel this is the right place for me to go right now.
Ive descovered my wifes affair and made it known to everyone. She was still living in the house with me for three weeks but about once a week i would try talking to her and she would say "i dont love you and i dont think thats going to change." this would set me off and i would fight with her. We reconciled and continued to stay in the house. The next week of spending time together and going places together, i tried to talk to her again, with the same results...a fight and a reconciliation. One more week, same results only that time she left.
Shes been staying at her parents house for two weeks now and through phone records i found that she is still seein the OM. the minute i descovered that i called her voice mail and raged until i was red in the face...now i regret doin that because i now know, thanks to MB, that that only has negative affects on what im trying to save.
I guess the point im at is how do i separate her from her lover and begin to rebuild what has been lost. Plan A seems like i missed my opportunity when she was in the house with me but the idea of moving on to plan b frightens me because of the possibilty that shell go "outta sight outta mind"
She hasnt said she wants a divorce, but im afraid that this affair may just push us to it. And my strength wanes as each day passes...
I made many changes in my life...at first to win her back but now thier for me, because if all else fails me is all i have. I wanna fight for my marriage because i know that deep down inside the two of us are good for each other.
Please someone help me find the next step and if you need more information into the weeks that lead up to this point then let me know. Im really hoping that this can be fixed even if right now she doesnt wanna try to fix it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Hey F4WR,
Welcome to Marriage Builders - we're sorry you're here and glad that you're here! You are in the right place. You've been reading a lot on the site, that's good. It has helped many many people.

Do you have children with her? How long have you been married? How long has the A been going on?

It is not too late to Plan A. Definitely too early for Plan B.

Have you read, "Surviving an Affair" by Willard Harley or "When the One You Love Wants to Leave" by somebody Harvey, and "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson?

Any or all of these books will prove to be a tangible reference guide of what is going on here and what you need to DO to stand the best chance of getting your WW back and saving your M.

You do need to have the confidence and respect to put forward with your words and actions that you love your wife, you want to work on fixing the marriage, but that you cannot and will not tolerate being in a love triangle. There is nothing to counsel about in marital counseling until the A is ended. You may want to see an individual counselor or pastor at this point.

Your wayward wife is in the fog, not thinking clearly, and is rationalizing her behavior. BUT, what have your LoveBuster's been (other than angry outbursts - which is huge). What are her emotional needs that are not being met? How much real quality time do the two of you spend together (well, before the A)? Are there any other issues that are relevant on either or both of your parts - alcohol use, porn, gambling, past s*xual abuse, drugs, spending/money problems, religious differences, family problems, you work too much she works too much, etc??

Of course, NONE of these justify her affair, but the background can be helpful as far as what you need to work on in Plan A.

Best wishes, you will be in our prayers and keep posting.
NTL