Not sure where to start, The EA ended back in early March with NC letter. Since then things have been fairly good up until about a month ago. I started noticing little changes in WW's answers and comments. About 2 weeks ago WW said the only time I touched her was when I wanted SF. I reminded her that I rubbed her legs and back every morning without wanting sf and she said yea your right. But she no longer liked SF. I let about a week go buy, tried to touch her on the hot spot and she said stop it. I stopped and tried to get some honesty out of her. All I could get is I don't want to be married anymore. There has not been any talk of divorce or moving out. As well as changing vacation or any other plans in the very near future. Still touches me without me asking, jokes around, came to me for a kiss before she left for work this morning. I cleaned her car this weekend she thanked me for it. She is not a good face to face communicator, never has been. At best I can only communicate with her via email when she is at work. Then it all flows out like a broken faucet? The only problem is that I have to read this stuff while I'm at work trying to maintain a level head and do my work.

Gimble I just got this email, please help

Dear H:
Over the years I felt ignored and unnoticed. I remembered once when I tried talking to you, you told me to do something to get noticed. I thought I would just give you the cold shoulder and not talk to you when you upset me, but you never noticed – once I went a week and ignored you – you never noticed (I think it made you happy when I didn’t bother you). I built up a lot of resentment and anger. I know you think I didn’t communicate this with you – but I think I did – you just didn’t see it until I said I wanted a divorce. Then I think, you know you’re not a bad person, you’re a great father, great provider, and you’ve never abused me (just ignored me). Then you do something nice, clean my car, make dinner, you know what I mean – and I think will I ever find anyone as good as you – the thought of dating scares the ****** out of me – will anyone even want me – I could be alone the rest of my life.
I told you that I would give it another try – mainly for DS12 sake. I came back with an open mind and I really tried. But everyday I know it’s not going to work, but I keep coming home and smiling, trying to make everyone around me happy. I can’t do it anymore. I sometimes think I am just not coming home, but I can’t abandon Ashton. Sometimes I think I am just going to get DS12 and leave – but that’s not right either.
I thought about me moving – even looked – but it occurred to me when I was setting with them that they would watch over me and Ashton – and you dislike them– I think I should stay in the house. I’m really not attached to anything in the house.
I really want to remain friends – for DS12 sake.
But it’s over – I can’t pretend anymore.
I’m sorry!

I haven't replied to this, still in shock and don't want to say the wrong thing,

FogLight

Hi, Foglight.

She is very likely back in contact or has a new 'friend'. Don't respond to her email. Take the day off and snoop like there is no tomorrow.

Secure the finances, Do the stuff we told you the first time, except retain a lawyer this time.

Get back to me with what you find out.

If you have to answer your wife, tell her this "I have no intention of divorcing you. I also have no intention of being your friend, outside of our marriage".

Let me know what you uncover. Look hard.

Gimble

Gimble, if she is communicating with him again I won't be able to find out, she has learned enough from last time to keep it all at her work, probably email or company phone if anything. It is definately not on her cell phone, I can still check that. As far as the Lawyer, FL is a no fault state with 50/50 split no matter what. I have spoken to a Lawyer and after doing so find no benefit in retaining one. Mabye I'm wrong but I don't think so. Mabye someone here in FL can convince me from experience. I did ask her via email before the email if there was contact before she sent that letter above and her reply was, "what if I f ing someone local, what if I have 3 boyfriends etc, it really dosen't matter".

Hi, FL.

Quote:
===================================
I did ask her via email before the email if there was contact before she sent that letter above and her reply was, "what if I f ing someone local, what if I have 3 boyfriends etc, it really dosen't matter".
===================================

Okay, so she is seeing someone. You can still snoop. You need to know so that you can decide what to do. If she has a 'friend', this time, you will want to immediately go to Plan B, or consider divorce.

Go home, check for new undies, anything unusual. You will find something. If you don't look, you will never know.

I am sorry, FL. You just can't treat it as a breakdown in communication or marital skills since she has done this before.

Gimble

Gimble, I really gave it a good shot and I thought she came back. Guess not. I'm not sure what to do at this point. Even if I can win her back again, how long before the next time? I just know in my heart that if we divorce it will only be a matter of time before she comes crying back, who knows. Mabye I will have to let her go. It's just that DS12 just got over the last time. He is doing good in school again and is happy. Now this happens all over again.

Hi, FL.

I know you are very hurt over this, but you owe it too yourself to find out if it is an affair or not.

If not, there are things you will find yourself willing to do. If it is, then you have some hard choices to make. Regardless, you have to find out for sure first.

In the mean time, stop the princess treatment of her, and get to digging. Love at a distance. Go and re-read your old thread when you get a chance.

Hang in there,
Gimble

I searched for the old thread and couldn't find it?

Hi, FL.

Here are a few:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...rue#Post1269929

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...part=1&vc=1

Remember to deal with any line wrapping in the URLs.

Gimble

Hi, FL.

Quote:
==============================
Even if I can win her back again, how long before the next time?
==============================

You left without finishing the process the first time. We kept calling out for you, but you were gone.

Recovery is more difficult than the affair. You would have had to deal with her sense of entitlement, a very difficult thing to do. Ask Bob Pure about the difficulty he had.

You aren't done just because a spouse returns to the marriage, that is just the start. Also, it is not something you want to tackle alone.

Now she is likely off into another affair, and if not, she considers that you OWE her for coming back to the marriage. Has she ever dealt with the damage she caused you? Your son? Your marriage?

Find out if she is screwing around so that you can start real recovery if not.

Also, don't run off this time just because it feels good :-)

Gimble

Hey Gimble, thanks for the links. Listen I got an email from one of ww's coworkers a mutual friend. It just said Hey! Before I could email back. WW called and said I was her and don't reply, she was just having fun! Laughing! This might be my mole in her office, What do you think?

Hi, FL.

The only thing I got out of that is weird. In my experience, weird almost always points to something that shouldn't be (weird people excepted).

Dig. She is doing something that she shouldn't. She knows it. That is why she was all bubbly about it.

Dig, dig,dig.

Gimble

She is definately cut from a different mold. Mabye that's why I love her so. Now she sends me a email joke, I love it, I can't wait to go home today to this mess.

I'm not sure I follow that last post, FL.

You are happy to go home to the mess (sarcasm) or actually happy because she sent you an email joke?

She is trying to cover her tracks on your back, with emotional salve.

Don't fall for it. Deal with it up straight up.

Gimble

Sorry it's sarcasm.

Are you or are you not going to try to find out if there is a live affair?

Hi, UVA. I am snooping and watching, she's not good a covering her tracks and time will tell.

Gimble, got home last night before WW, bought an inner tube for DS12's bicycle yesterday and we were fixing it when she got home. She commented that your father can fix anything went inside and warmed up Sundays leftovers. We ate, watched a little TV and went for a 1 hour walk. She didn't say or even hint at the Dear John email she sent yesterday morning. Not a word. This morning got up, got ready for work and gave me a kiss and left. I didn't even get the usual I want you out email this morning when I got to work. Go figure.

Hi, FL.

That sure sounds like typical fog, you've seen it before. Just keep your eyes peeled. Something will show up shortly.

God bless,
Gimble

Yes you're right. I will keep looking.

Hey Gimble,

I payed a surprise visit to WW's work yesterday for a little snooping. I also checked her cell phones and came up with nothing. I even followed her the last couple of mornings and nothing.