Hi, FL.

Keep sniffing.

It is possible that she just wants the same level of attention that you gave her the first time, but if that is true, then she would have some 'issues' that you can't fix. Raising the threat level to 'divorce' just for attention doesn't ring true in this case.

Have you considered counseling with the Harley's?

In any case, this stinks of infidelity, at least on an emotional level. Keep snooping.

Plan A until you find out one way or the other. If an affair is discovered, the plan this time will be different. You will want to immediately withdraw and start on a Plan B or divorce. She will be asked to leave your home. You aren't there yet. Let's see what goes down first.

I hope you still have all the basics in place. Finances secured, etc..?

WAT has left MB for a while. Just thought you should know.

God bless,
Gimble

Thanks, Gimble. I have an urge to write her this letter. Pros and Cons??

WW,

Hi, FL.

Please do NOT send this letter.

First off, you are begging. Secondly, your wife (assuming she is wayward) will not be educated by you. Thirdly, you are leaving her about 30 "yea but" vectors to respond to you in any manner she chooses, all of them assigning you blame.

WAIT. Find out what is going on first. Plan A until you know for sure. Then there will be LOTS of action.

Gimble

OK, I won't send it bad idea.

Hey, FL.

I know you are hurting and confused, and just because this is the second time doesn't make it any easier for you.

Try to have some patience and let time do its thing for you.

I am praying for you.

Gimble

Thanks, Gimble for you advice, support and patience. I consider you a true friend.

Hi, FL.

I am glad to help any way I can. I am truly sorry you are back here under these circumstances. That sucks.

Gimble

Good Day Gimble, No change, nothing new uncovered. Just brain storming how to find out who if anyone it might be.

FL

Hi, FL

Since she knows how you found her out last time, she will likely not make the same mistakes.

I suggest a recorder in her car.

Search for a hidden 'affair phone', probably prepaid.

Make note of anything she says that strikes you as odd. Report it here.

Primarily, suspect the original infidel partner.

If she has a new one, expect it to be someone she works with. Listen out for clues from coworkers.

Mostly, throw away the 'deer in the headlight stare' and get deadly serious about handling the situation. I know that you have been blind-sided, but you have to shake it off, and get down to business. You know what the business end of things looks like, you have done it before. That sucks for sure, but that is what you have to do.

If you have to answer her email, then feed her the standard script; "Wife, I have no intention of divorcing you, nor do I have any intention of being your friend outside of our marriage."

Again, study your old threads and get the situation clear so that you can take appropriate action instead of guessing. Best guesses often aren't best.

Gimble

Gimble I told ww that "we would talk Saturday" when DS12 went to stay all night at a friends house. I said nothing more nothing less. I did it just so I wouldn't get another I want a divorce email today at work. Those things are really effecting my work. Today is the day I have an appointment with an attorney, it's at 2pm. I going to ask if I can be put out of the house for no reason and some financial issues. Can you think of anything else I should inquire about? I have 30 minutes with the attorney. I might try the recorder thing, I pretty sure I have one that works and is voice activated. Good idea.

FL

Hi, FL.

You want to put HER out of the house, not you. You want her to voluntarily sign over custody of your son to you.

Gimble

Gimble, I can't quote the law right now but, the custody is shared, a few exceptions but none apply to our stich. Also can't put the mother of a dependant child out, again a few exceptions but none apply. Must be drug, violence or insanity related.

FL

If you wife AGREES in writing, then it can become legally binding in most states. Ask your lawyer.

Gimble

Gimble, ww won't, those are the only two things she has been specific about. Will you be logged on tommorrow?

FL

I will watch out for your posts all weekend, FL.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi Gimble, Well the recorder had 2 phone calls one to ww's mother and one to ww's grandmother. No calls to anyone else, I think that if there was someone ww would have at least called to leave them a message. No way ww knew she was being recorded. I have deceided to give her the divorce. I really don't think there is anyone else. It seems as each day goes by I loose more feelings for her. WW is willing to be more than fair in the settlement. I had forgotten that her mother had 2 houses in another state and signed over one of them to her. This will be an asset that will have to be divided also. This should enable me to be ok. Contacting a paralegal Monday, will sit down together and work out the details. We deceided not to use attorneys. The cost is to high. I want to thank all of you who have given me advice. I can close to saving the family, very close.

Hi, FL.

I still think there is someone else, but I respect your decision to divorce.

Please do stay in touch with us here. There are a lot of folks that can help you through the divorce, and provide excellent advice.

Others that might be reading, please weigh in and help FogLight as you can.

God bless,
Gimble

Dear FogLight,

Sorry I couldn’t respond earlier. I was on vacation since last week Friday (23 Sept) and returned back to work this morning. I wondered and made a callout to you a few times (after the new forums was up), but after we didn’t hear from you again, I assumed and hoped everything was fine and on the right track with your W and M. This morning I’ve followed up on all your posts and I’m so sorry to ‘hear’ about your current situation and sad circumstances. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

FL, I have to agree with Gimble. Your W is involved with someone else. Do everything you can to discover who she is involved with and if it is EA and/or PA – even if you have to hire a PI. And if you decide to proceed with a divorce, I agree with Gimble that you must not make a commitment to stay friends with her. However, whatever you decide to do FL, think long and hard before you divorce. Make sure this is really what you want. Don’t rush anything and don’t base your decisions on your emotional state right now. Take your time. There is no need to rush anything. First investigate and discover what is really going on and give yourself some time before you make a final decision.

And please keep posting whatever you decide. There are many people here who have been through the same experience than you and who can help and support you even if you would decide to go through with a divorce and/or separate from your W.

In the meantime, I want to suggest to you to study the following links and consider applying it:

Michelle Weiner Davis's divorce busting 180 degree list

Divorce busting (this is the website link)

Here is the post I sent to a BH a while ago on suggestions how to combine plan A with the 180 degree strategy. Please understand that this is only suggestions. It is not a definitive list of actions you should take. Probably you will have to adjust and strategize the list according to your specific situation and circumstances. It will be good if you can read ALL the posts I’ve sent to the BH on that thread (and not just the one I linked for you) – it will give you a better background. Also read this thread.

FL, while you are still living with your W and trying to save your M, the 180 strategy might be the answer and help you to keep your 'sanity' during this difficult time.

Prayers to you,
Suzet

Thanks Suzet, we are contacting a paralegal to begin processing divorce papers. I see no way out. ww can and will put me out if she has to. Said so. I am reluctant to tell her that I not going to be her friend. I think she will make it much harder on me if I tell her that I'm not going to be her friend. I read the 180 post. I will try but I don't think it will work. Thanks for the post.

FL

FogLight, I will keep you in my prayers... Please keep posting and coming here for support whatever happens.

Take care,
Suzet