First I will give you a little background. I will be married three years in Oct and together for eight. My husband, who is military, has been away on training for the last year. Everything seemed to be going fine, he would come home once a month to visit us. In June he had a two week vacation in which he was not excited at all to come home. He was a totally different person while here and he even had problems in the bedroom, if you know what I mean.
After he left I broke into his email account and found an email to OW saying he missed her and wished he was there. I was in shock. I emailed her and she said that they had met at the base he was at and they were just friends, never lovers. When I confronted him he said that he did have feelings for her, and she for him, but they never took it any farther than that. (she lives in Hungary, she was here for four months)

He finished his training at the end of August and after two months of only phone conversations and emails we decided that we would try and build our marriage so nothing like this would happen again. He said he would not contact her anymore which I have no way of verifying.
Well he went away for the night last week and I decided to go through all the boxes that he brought home with him. In there I found pictures of them and letters from her saying how much she missed/loved him and that she can't wait until he comes over there for a visit so they can make their dream come true of finally making love. These letters are all dated before I found out about them and nothing recent. She never knew that he was married until I contacted her. I still can't believe that he kept these and brought them into our house and I still haven't confronted him with these.

He has been home for a month now and refuses to discuss it any farther. He says it is over and he wants to move on. He acts as if nothing ever happened and I will admit that I am letting it happen. He is very loving and caring and I must say that our sex life is better than it has ever been.
I know I still have some things to get off my chest but I am just scared to ruin everything. I am still very hurt but he just shuts down when I say anything because he doesn't know how to deal with it.

Please tell me where to go from here...

I just found out 2 months ago about an A that my husband had been having for 2-3 months. I have been married for 10 years and have a daughter and a baby on the way. I know you feel shocked, but I would have done anything to keep our marriage together if he were willing. I would advise you to try to meet his emotional needs and fall in love with each other again. It sounds like that is what he is looking for. Be suspisous and keep an eye on all of his contacts.

I know this is hard, but try to be thankful for what relationship you have left to repair.

Welcome. It does sound like the emotional affair might be over. I would tell him that you need him to write a no contact letter to her. It should be short, and say that he loves you, and wants to stay married, and he made a huge mistake in being involved with her. He should let her know that he will not contact her again, and she should never contact him. Then you should mail the letter.

See what he says about this. You will find out how much he really wants to work on the marriage.

I will ask him tonight to do the letter. Hopefully he will agree so I can start to put this behind me.

bump