Does anyone stuggle with - the notion that they will in fact never be over their marriage - or the simple fact that it ended in divorce - enough to move on - - Or better yet how to move on... I have been divorced for three years.... Struggle with the fact or should I say circumstances of the end of my marriage... Have absolutley no idea how to move on to someone new....

Examples... Exhusband wants to talk and be like best buddies - freaks me to no end - because I still have those days - of I just wish he would come home and none of this ever happened....

He is still with the ow next door - they broke up for awhile now back together and that in itself freaks me out - though realistically I know that they are both losers and no one would want either of them anyways...

I don't want to be one of those bitter woman who blame their exhusbands for everything that is wrong in their lives - though as I sit - it looks to me like everything that is wrong in my life is his fault - to a certain degree....

I don't know how to date - I don't know who to date?? I don't know how to feel good about myself to date??? My god I am pathetic aren't I??????

Do you guys struggle with this crap??? Have you struggled with this?? How to move on??? I mean really I don't love him - would never in a million years take back the lying cheating person that he became... but again - wish most of the time none of this ever happened...

Does anyone have any advice.?????

[color:"blue"]Maybe you could transfer some of that wishing it had never ended with him to finding someone worthy to wish it never ends with.

As far as dating - just jump in and try to feel confident. Find some really attractive stuff that you really feel comfortable in and pamper yourself a little to boost your confidence. Then knock em dead!

Honestly, the more you put no expectations on a date and just "do it" the easier you start to feel about the whole process.

I won't mention the saturation effect where you finally get sick and tired of meeting new men... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> I think most of us on this board have taken dating breaks to regroup.

V.[/color]

((((maw))))

Have you made any progress since you posted something similar about 6 weeks ago? Here's a link... go read through that thread.... see if there's anything helpful for your questions today. And then come back with new questions. Or are you still stuck with the same questions?

maw's other thread

hugs,
Faith1

Mimi,
I know exactly how you feel. Our timelines are about the same....It is just a really weird place to find ourselves in this time of our lives. I know I should be focusing on getting my 3 teens raised and out of the house, but I also crave and desire a life where there is also someone for ME!!! I must tell you that what finally made me realize that I should and could actually move on, away from a 20 year marriage, and constantly obsessing over what went wrong, and what I could have done to save the M...was dating!!!! Falling in love, or whatever that was almost 2 years ago finally took my mind off of the old bast..d (my X) and made me excited about what was to come, my future!!!
We are still young, and still have lots more life, lots to offer to the world. God made us to be with someone, and though it may not be the right time for us to have a "permanent" relationship, I do believe it's healthy to get out and date!!! It seriously gave me hope, and helped me to finally get over the ghosts of my M.
My big struggle right now is my kids: ages 14, 15 and one in college...finally! When I dated it took a lot of time away from them, but it helped me emotionally, so....
I'm not actively looking right now, but I would be open to a relationship. In a couple more years, I will probably be more active in searching...
Get out there, girl.
Email me, and maybe we can im, or even talk on the phone!
KK

SunnyVA - I feel like I have just been doing it - one for after the other forever.... and hopefully will be able to let myself go and date... thank you for your advice -

Faith1 - you know I don't even need to go back and read my last thread because I am at exactly the last place I was six weeks ago and frankly have been there for a few years...I don't know how to let go to move on - to accept that this is what it is ... Let myself experience life... It is funny I struggle back and forth - and seem to always go back and never forward... there is this guy who emails me - can only talk in the morning - doesn't talk on the phone just emails - has a yahoo personal thing with no profile - says he is legally seperated..all the flags point to this guy is lying to me - yet he makes me feel like I am a loser for not trusting him....... I am afraid to let go - of what was taken from me - life was so much easier before... I guess...... Hopefully I am gonna get it and soon because I need to move on....

Kay - thanks - I will email you tomorrow I am off to bed... talk to you later...

I do that too Mimi...everybody who's walked in our shoes does...the ws walks out and leaves us the BS, with the responsibilities.

My xh tries to be friendly too...even saying he'll help me when I downsize get a house...and then calls during the week (anything to do w/son) and lets me know what's happening. He is also aware I know he's not been faithful to his wifey du jour too...sometimes I wish he'd just disappear, and the part of my xh, the good part...the .000000001 percent that is still there, would poof and appear and life would be beaver cleaver perfect.

But it is NOT reality.

And my xh is a XWS.

Sorry the 2 idiots are carrying on next door. I still vote for moving...it will separate you from their drama.

And for me, a nonfat mocha helps alot...

especially since this week my PMS is totally bad!

I am sorry for your not feeling on top of the world. Got my email? Karona has it <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />