I think I am finally at the end of whatever rope I have been holding on to. Lies, lies, lies...everything thing out of his mouth is a lie. I lost it yesterday and again my DD was in earshot. I am a crappy mother! I am having a emotional breakdown. He won't leave. I have to call my attorney for advice. I know you all are probably sick of this, I know I am. Something in my just can't seem to let go and I am getting to the point of dispising myself.

Are you trying to push him out the door with your anger?

Maybe ... I donno...

Ya know, Pep. That is possible.

He seems to dig his heals in even further when I am angry.

I am left questioning if maybe I am the crazy one here. But then I remember that I have a good job, my kids love me, my friends love me. This is the same sort of stupid behavior I had during his first A. I drove him so far away from me during that time with my intense anger. My IC told me it is my abandonment issues. I have not seem to let go of my mom abandoning me when I was 12. Gosh, you would think 32 years later I would be over that wouldn't you? The closer we get to my H abandoing my kids and I (my skewed perspective)the worse I seem to be.

Do not turn your anger, frustration, and blame on yourself.
You did not ask for or deserve to be put in this position. Make sure that you place the responsiblity of this affair with the correct person.
I am sorry, I have not been following your story, so excuse me if I ask you a question that was in a former post. Have you seen your doctor and asked to be put on anti depressents?
I was so close to a nervous breakdown before. I could not stop shaking. My doctor put me on Lexapro? - and I have been on it for four and half weeks now. I feel more stable and feel more in control of my feelings. My actual shaking didn't stop until after discovery day. I no longer shake anymore, thank goodness. I felt like I was a heart attack ready to happen.
Hang in there {{faithful follower}}.

Hi FF, I've been worried about you!!!

FF, who wouldn't be cracking under this pressure. i can't believe he will not move out now. the divorce is all but final, why can't he just leave you alone?

Pep, what do you mean she is perhaps pushing him out the door with her anger? she shouldn't be having to do this at all. i'ld be angry too.

of course... you didn't say what she was doing was bad...

i'm confused.

FF, have you and WH told DD/DS straight out was is happening yet?

what do you mean about him digging in his heals? is he not wanting to get a divorce now??

can't you just pack his bags and kick him out??

this is just so wrong!!

oh, and ditto what KDS says. don't you dare turn this into your self. you are an awesome mom and you have done everything possible to help this family survive!!!!

what does the attorney say?? i assume you have called him by now. if not... DO IT!!! get yourself and your kids out of this hostil and extremely unhealthy environment.

Faith. This isn't about you. I think you're turning your frustration inwards because your H knows how to push your buttons.

Its unfair

Your H is an [censored]

Those are facts.

Your H needs to leave home IMO.

{{{FF}}}}

KDS, thank you. I am on Lexapro and it has helped but the closer we get to the D the worse I am.

FL, No I do not think he wants the D. I think he wants to be home and have things continue "as is". It can't because he won't NC OW and he won't quit his habitual lying to me.

I am self destructing, Bob.

So what you gonna do ?

he needs to realize it is not open for debate anymore. he did not do what he needed to do. you can be open-minded for future reconciliation (if that would be something you might want) but he needs to realize that the current marriage is over. unless you are also debating again?? are you??

i can certainly understand if you are. at the same time, i don't think it would make any sense. WH is not a good person for you to be around. he is HURTING YOU!!!! and he has no intention on truely stopping.

call the attorney, get help in getting WH out of the house!

WH needs to get a huge dose of reality!!!

Yes, he does.

Do, bob? Try to pull myself together first. Call the attorney and call my IC. I need to talk this through with someone that is paid to listen to this crap cuz I am boring all of you with it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

FF, is this a possible working plan? until WH moves out, can you leave the house whenever he is home? just tell him you refuse to be in the house with him, so if he is going to be home for the evening, you are going out. you make if very clear to him, you do NOT want to be around him at all anymore. not one little bit.

do the kids know about the divorce yet? if not, i would think it is time, don't you think?

Is he still sleeping in the same bed as you?? get him out. he is not your H anymore FF, you have to start viewing him as XH.

you are NOT boring me at all. i care very much for you FF. you know that!! do you still have my numbers? i'm going to email them to you just in case.

What I want is to loved, cared for and protected the way my parents failed to do. Time for me to accept it ain't gonna happen and do that very thing for my kids.

exactly.

now, how did the conversation with the attorney go??

No current relationship or future relationship can repair bad parenting from the past.

Your husband is not responsible for what happened to you before you met him.

Your husband is not responsible for your choosing him above all other men on the planet.

Your husband is not a bad man.

Have you ever tried to untangle a bunch of chains from your jewelry box that have become hopelessly tangled together? it is so frustrating. It takes a lot of patience. The harder you tug on one end the tighter the tangled mess becomes. Sometimes you have to sit and concentrate just on a part of the tangle ... find the end of one chain and unthread that one first, ignoring everything else.

That's what your marriage looks like to an outsider. Tangled. confusing.

And if it looks like that from the outside one can only imagine how if feels to be in the tangle.

This should not be easy, so don't be upset with yourself because it isn't easy for you.

When you brought the already tangled chain of your disappointing parent-daughter past into the marriage , it got all intermessed up with your marriage issues. They really are separate, but you have made them a part of your marriage. That disappointment, that longing, that desire to be safe as a baby in your mother's arms ... is not supposed to be expected in a marriage. it is not.

You are right..he is not. I know that. We both have made very bad choices. It is not his fault there is a child screaming inside of me.

Pep, you asked me about the superwoman stuff I do. To tell you the truth that started when I was about 15. I was taking care of my dad, my brother and my infant nephew while going to school. I lost most of my friends during that period because they couldn't relate. I dropped out of HS at 16 and took the proficiecny exam. I worked full time to support our household. I have never stopped working since I was 15. I had my DS at 22. Alone and out of wedlock. My H was my hero when he came along. But I did not let him in because I was too efficient. But I was perfect for him because he was afraid of responsibility. He ran, I chased, he ran, I nagged, he ran, I cried.