Boo!

Surprise, surprise; I live haha.

How has everyone been? Let me just start by saying that the last three months have been an amazing ride; and well - if I said I didn't have a ton of things to report I'd be lying through my teeth, so here goes.

I'm sure many of you remember where I left off. After trying for two months to convince my WW Shannon that divorce wasn't the solution to our problems; I finally folded and signed the divorce papers against my wishes. I set my wife go, and released her back into the world of dating (which she had already entered while with me) and moved on with my life. I moved back to Pullman and began school nearly two months ago, lost, hurt, depressed, however - filled with a hope for the future. The first week back at school, I found myself full of mixed emotions; fear, confusion, bitterness, empathy, everything - I was a rollercoaster. I continued to cling to God and prayer in my times of weakness and after three weeks of working at my new job and beginning classes, I found myself alone in our old apartment - this time it was different though.

I broke down crying - I still missed her. After nearly a month of not thinking about her; after a month of no contact, after not hearing her voice or even hearing her name for a month - I suddenly found myself, again, in tears on the floor longing for her touch and her smile.

As the days passed I realized that something needed to be done. Although I was okay with my life without my XW, I decided to do something for myself; I went to the doctor and was given a prescription for some ADs. As time went by, I noticed changes in my life. My high blood pressure disappeared; I found myself running frequently at night, smiling, enjoy God's creation and making new friends. I was going to class regularly, happy, having a good time. I put in an order and moved out of our old apartment. Then - it happened.

After nearly two months of silence, my XW broke.

She had logged onto the internet several times while I was on. I had no desire to talk to her. I still loved her more than words, yet I had no hope - I didn't talk to her; I was in Plan B - an unofficial Plan B so to speak; I was moving on with my life.

Shannon came to me about three weeks ago and messaged me out of nowhere after near a month and a half of no contact. Her simple words were "Hi, long time no talk." I didn't respond.

She then proceeded to ask "Are you there Aaron?"

"Yeah.." was my reply.

As the conversation progressed, I hesistantly eased into the dialog. Soon, I found my XW asking me the strangest questions. Questions like "So, have you met anyone yet?" "Are you romantically involved with anyone?"

I naturally ignored the question and quickly changed the subject. Of course I hadn't met anyone - I was still in huge amounts of pain from the separation - my heart was and is still mending. No was the simply answer - but anger and pent up frustrations simply led me into responding, "Sorta." It was a half-truth. I had girls that were friends; but nothing even resembling an ounce of a romantic interest or intimate contact; let alone a relationship - my heart was still with my XW - only...she didn't know this.

Upon ignoring her comments; she went along with the conversation and continued talking - asking how I'd been, updating me on herself - but then, the conversation was quickly steered back in the direction of intimacy with other women. "So, about that sorta?" She asked. "What is her name?"

"Uh...Ashley.." I responded - a friend I had met in school, someone who I had no interest in at all; once again - I pryed, seeing what exactly was the point of these questions.

As my XW began to pry further; it was painfully obvious that something was different; however, the intentions were unknown.

She quickly mentioned a guy she was in kahoots with; saying there was potential but that "much like Ashley and I" nothing was going on at the moment. I quickly responded with an emotionless "That's cool..." Who was she kidding? I didn't care who she was seeing or who she was interested in. I don't think she liked this one bit...

As time went on; out of nowhere, words dropped out of her mouth that startled me.

Those words were, "I miss you..."

My ears, hesistant sent a signal to my mouth and I simply responded, "What?"

She said, "I miss you Aaron..."

Later that night she called me again. She confessed everything. She told me that she hadn't filed the papers that I had signed nearly two and a half months or so before.
She told me that she had had every intention of sending them in, but when the day to do it came she couldn't bring herself to do it. She found herself missing me every day that went by.

We ended up talking for six hours on the phone that night. Every night since she called me. She broke down, apologized about everything and told me that she doesn't want a divorce - and that she was sorry; that her heart was still with me, and that I was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

She came to visit me last week and we had a good time reaquainting ourselves with one another. She told me for the first time in nearly four months that "She loved me." She kissed me passionately for the first time in months, we also slept in the same bed for the first time in 3 months.

We have talked everynight on the phone since - she has confessed to her family that she messed up and that she wants to save our marriage barring my forgiveness and the support of her family and what little of mine I have left. She agreed to coming back to Pullman and wants to support me in my efforts to finish school.

The anti-depressants stablized my emotions; I have never felt more calm about life ever. I am doing amazingly in school, I have been working regularly as well as I have moved in with Pete; my best friend from high school.

Shannon is coming to spend the week with me; she gets here tomorrow. We are looking into apartments up here again - and are looking forward to starting over as a couple; we are going to start marriage counseling (A CONCEPT SHE SUGGESTED!) And we will be modeling our marriage after the EN concepts on this website.

I guess, due to lack of time (I have class in 10 minutes) I just felt inclined to update everyone on this miracle, and although I am hesitant at times; every word I have heard from her mouth, and every action I have seen from her in person since she apologized shows my true W and not the WS that had plagued our marriage for so long. God truly answers prayers.

I will go more in-depth when I have time, but I'm going to be late.

God bless everyone.

-Fox

Dear Fox,
I am new here, so I haven't heard of you before now. I just wanted to say how happy I am for you and your new chance on making your marriage work.
I will be including you in my prayers tonight, asking god for his help in restoring your marriage.

Best of luck, always

K.D's Heartbreak

Fox!!! I've been wondering about you. I am glad to hear that Shannon is finding her way back... but please be on guard for some time. If your story about "Ashley" is what triggered her deep-felt feelings to return to the marriage, they might be short-lived. The two of you need to do the counseling and take it slow before you get an apartment and move back in together. You have your life settled for now; she needs to ease back into it and be patient.

Let the counselor lead you as you reunite (and make sure they know of the MB principles!!!)....

I am so happy for you. People here who are toying with Plan B, who are afraid it won't work, should be encouraged by your story.

I wish you well...

~ Snow

Fox,

We are all very glad for you, but watch your back.

Enter into this with much less of yourself than you did the first time. Know what I mean?

k

Glad to hear that you are on anti-D's and doing well in school. That is the most important think. Take your time with Shannon and INSIST on counseling.

I will echo the above sentiments - proceed with your eyes open...

I am thrilled for you!


Good to hear from you again...



TM

Great.. I told you from the beginning like I TRY to tell so many others that they come back WHEN you let go and not before. Too many people are stuck on this plan A or Plan B nonsense and lose focus of what really works.

Look back and read again what I told you FROM the BEGINNING..

NO PRESSURE
let her see that you can live perfectly fine without her
no relationship talk (they will bring it up when you take off the pressure)


Good for you. Don't YOU feel better now that SHE made the move back to you while you showed her that you were going to be happy with or without her? I told you women prefer to chase. You have now seen that it is true...


Women love confident, happy men, who carry themselves with self respect and respect and love a man who shows her that he can and will live with or without her. She came back because you let her go. That is the bottom line.. You can call it plan A or Plan B or Plan A B C D E F or whatever else you want to call it. The bottom line is that they DO NOT come back and make it an equal relationship UNTIL the
BS lets go.

Good luck... Remember, no matter what happens you WILL be perfectly fine with or without her. Keep the pressure off and work on being a happy productive man.

Welcome back <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Guard yourself ok?
I can't stress that enough.

Have you had a chance to talk to her family since this turn of events? It may be a real good idea to. You may gain some insight into whether this is the real thing or not.

Fox,

So good to hear you're Ok!

I'm stunned by your development, and feel protective of you after all you've been through. Shannon needs to EARN your trust again and she needs to learn how to "affair-proof" your marriage.

Glad you will use MB concepts; hopefully you'll find a good MC who is familiar with them as well.

Keep us posted!

Fox I hate to be Mr. Negative...

Are you sure this is what is best for you?

I know at about 3mo post my ex's affair I probably would have taken my ex back too but where I'm at now I am soooo glad I didn't have the opportunity.

My life is kicking butt and my ex is just a minor irritant instead of a constant cause of stress and frustration. I would NEVER go back to that now.

Think carefully about what you are getting back into... You could easily walk away. You deserve faithfullness. Do you think she can provide that? Does she think she can provide that?

Miker

Fox,

U'r back!!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Good to hear from you. See the fog can clear. Not completely though.... becareful ok? Don't want to see you hurt....again. Though I know you have learned much from the past experience. Setbacks always hurt.

Ok, now what's your plan? Gonna take her at her word or expect some convincing action, or more?!?!?!

L.

Fox - good to hear from you. I have thought about you and prayed for you.

Sounds like life is exciting right now. Just keep in mind - the girl you left is a girl that needs counseling. You said that somewhere here yourself.

So go slow. Do what needs to be done. Build a foudation. Build it on God, and on good mental health. Marriage counseling is obviously a must as the vets here have stated. God has done a tremendous amount of healing in you. But zoom way out and look at the picture from afar and determine the long term needs, and build your foundation on stable ground.

Fox - your story is inspirational. Your story with you and Shannon - yes - but your life story. I hope you are journaling. This world could use the book you may someday be the subject of. Thanks for sharing with us.

I will keep praying for you.

far

Hey Fox...sounds like good news, but I have to agree with everyone else here...proceed with CAUTION!

Don't forget to ensure that your requirements for re-building your marriage remain the same, or you may find yourself back in the same boat at some point down the road.

Make sure she knows and understands your expectations moving forward.

Fox,

Glad to see you back! Two things: first, if you've had SF with her, you both should get tested for STDs. If you have not, she should get tested before any action. Please protect yourself.

Second, as everyone says, take it easy. Since I don't believe she has earned her way back to you yet, you should be very wary of her. I know it feels good to be with her right now, but in this time in being with her follow your reason, not just your emotions.

One last thing, why in the world are you planning to move in with her right now?

Best

Wow great story, I just hope it works out.