HELP!!!!!
My wife of 13 years and former high schcool sweetheart now wants out of our marriage. We have one 12 year old daugher and guardian ship of my 12 year old niece.
I discovered 3 weeks ago that my wife had been having an affir with a co-worker. So I have been told, there friendship started in December when they both started talking about problems in there marriages. They quickly found themselves drawn closer and closer together by having so many common experiences and interest. There friendship turned into an affair in March of this year. From that point the wife has been living in preparation for replacing me with the OM. The past six months we have been nothing more than room mates. No relationship, activities, friendship, sex, nothing. She turned down me buying a new car for her in April as we had planned six months earlier. She has stopped using money from our joint bank account and trying to live off her paycheck. She does no longer participates in any house work, only things she had done with out kids I have just learned with when the OM was present. They were going shopping, dinner, movies and swimming together with my kids. My wifes excuss to the kids was he is just a friends from work. Her excuss to me was she was doing these things with just the kids and or with one of her female friends. I did not see this because I'm a workaholic and had blind trust in her and us. I know now that I was neglecting my wife and she was desprite for affection and attention. The OM is now meeting all her emotional needs, if not more. When I found out I seen that they had been talking on the cell phone 300 times a month, text messages 400 times a month, going to lunch together, spending sick leave and vacatin time together. Emailing each other all day at work. They have had there jobs threatened for flirting and unprofessional behavior. The OM is now devorcing his wife of 8 years to be with mine.
Once I found out I demanded she quit her job and stop seeing him. She declines to. She says she needs the money and he makes her feel good. Something I have not done in a very long time. We have been talking about what and where we went wrong over the past couple of years. I understand now and have been making changes in my life so I can be the man I used to be and what she needs. However, she says it to late since she meet the OM and now she dont want anything from me now. She says over and over its to late, she can't go back. She says loves me as a family member, not a husband.
Last week I asked that she not come home unless she end it with the OM. She promply came home and packed things and left. She would not tell me or my kids where she was staying or give a phone number. She did not even call to check in with the kids. My daughter is devastated. My wife does not even want to talk me about saving our marriage. She just wants to be with the OM.
What do i do to save our marriage? Is there anything? I had got her to agree to talk to Steve Harley last Friday. However, I caught her with the OM in a Lowes parking lot 30 minutes prior to the call time. When i approached them they flead in his truck. Needless to say she never called or came home until last night. She was very hostile towards me because I have now told both of our families about her the OM. I believe that the OM is completely controlling her and he is lying to her and filling her full of empty promisses. She has turned against all her friends and family that does not approve of the OM. The OM soon to be ex-wife had told me about his character and behaviors and they are nothing like what my wife says about him. How do I stop this train wrech from happening?
Do I give her a plan B letter or file for devorce. I still love her very much and I'm full of regret for the neglect. I have already made major changes in my life style so I'm now available, but she gets angry and ask why now and says it to late. I'm sick about the entire thing. I know I should have done something sooner. Does any one have any ideas how I turn this disaster around?
