Yesterday was the one year anniversary of D-Day for me. Last winter I had made big plans to take a vacation to "celebrate" (or avoid?) the day. However, due to not being able to get the D final, and continual stalling by H who wants all the equity in the house, I really couldn't do it.

Yesterday I tried to ignore the significance of the day.

Today I had an appt with the orthopedic dr. Some of you know I've been having trouble with my back and leg, and have been having lots of trouble even walking. Can't remember the last time I slept through the night without waking in pain. It's also becoming a bigger issue now that I have taken a second job (contract teaching) and have other free-lance self-employment jobs that require a high physical activity level. Since I'm barely walking, but have to get through these contracts, I decided it was time to get a medical opinion.

So... today is another kind of D-Day for me, as the x-rays show that my hip is shot - there is no cartiledge left and I'm working with bone on bone now. Plus a significant amount of arthritis in my back and hip. Not only am I going to have trouble meeting my contractual obligations, but it's effectively the end of my primary hobby that requires lots of running and activity.

Basically I will need surgery to replace my hip, and it will only get worse the longer I wait. The DR wants me to schedule it now. And, if I wait until my contracts end, I'll be heading into the coldest part of winter, without the ability to take care of myself or this place, without being able to manage the 2 flights of steps to take care of my dogs. And without any of my $$ from the marital house to help with any of this (much of which came from my insurance settlement that was intended to cover my future hip surgery.) H does not think I should be entitled to my original money back and is refusing to settle.

BTW - for those of you asking about prenups... I have one, but it is NOT stopping H from holding everything up and costing me lots in legal bills.

So... I'm really in the pits today - I suppose there's always a silver lining, but right now that lining is raining on me.

Oh dear [color:"red"] (( [/color] [color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] [color:"red"])) [/color] ,
I'm sooo sorry! I wish there was something I could do to help you. Is there any more of an update from your lawyer about putting pressure on your H to settle?

You are in my thoughts!

Deja Vu

I am so sorry to hear this. Just know that as hard as it is we sometimes have to look and find that silver lining. But it is there.

You are in my prayers.

DejaVu - I'm sorry for you. ((((((((((HugZ)))))))))))
Don't know if you want to try this - my wife has the exact same stuff as you - 'bone on bone' in both her knees and the doc is holding her feet to the fire too wanting to do Surgery for Knee Replacement. Not taking from this Thread - but this has worked WELL for my wife - she gets Cortizone Knee Shots - a series of 6 shots in each knee a week apart. It helps her deal with the pain and gives her relief from the bone on bone and maybe this will help you to make it till your contracts end.
I hope this helps you.
God bless you, Deja Vu.
TDL

Deja Vu,

Are you by any chance on your husband's health insurance? That could be the silver lining. Or maybe if you are "disabled," your lawyer can go and threaten your STBX with spousal support unless he forks over the equity in the house.

Or maybe when you do have the surgery, a handsome, single, anatesiologist will fall madly in love with you. Did I mention he might be independently wealthy, completely sane with a perfect childhood behind him, courteous, and amusing? Oh, yeah, and a good dancer?

Well, we can always dream, can't we? Chin up. You'll still be divorced before me. LOL. I think besides I have the longest running divorce. I filed 2 years ago.

Not yet - I left him a voice message yesterday. I'm ready to go for the jugular now, as the delays now equate to prolonging the physical pain besides everything else.

thanks for your kind wishes - it really helps!

Thanks - are you sure that lining isn't made of tin instead of silver?

The DR I saw only offered me narcotics which I refused. Turns out one of my co=workers saw this same doc and we BOTH disliked him. I figured it was a moot point, as he is not a surgeon so I won't be seeing him again. I'll talk to the surgeon and see what he thinks about this.

Did you know that when you really need a doc, if you are lucky and have a referral from another doc, you might be able to get in within 3 weeks instead of 6-8 weeks? Geez!

No, I'm not. He dropped me a year ago when I got my own insurance through work.


Now you're talking! That's a good idea - I think I'll follow up on that one. He can pay for my in-home nursing care too.


And even better yet! Assuming I can dance after the surgery... which would really be something since I couldn't dance before the surgery!


I'll believe it when I see it.

A voice of confidence here: I nursed my probably-not-at- that-point-WH through 15 years of hip pain. His misery defined our life. Pain was his constant companion. He "muscled" himself around. It effected everything in our relationship and the way he relates to our kids. Among the worst thing is that he got a "cripple" mentality. I think that his feeling that he missed out on so much stuff during that time period has made his midlife crisis such a big one. After much procrastination, years of immoblity and encouragement on my part, he finally had replacements done on both hips about 5 years ago. The surgeries were about 4 months apart.

Choose an orthopedic surgeon that you trust and feel comfortable with. Check out your options, there are many different kind of hip replacements, ceramic, metal and probably some new stuff. My WH had metal ones implanted. If you can get a hospital with private rooms, (many new ones only have private rooms) take it. Make sure it's a place where the nurses don't work double shifts and WASH their hands. Talk to a physical therapist before surgery. Make an appointment to get in right after surgery. Make sure you know what exercises you will need to do.

I think it's important to have someone at the hospital to be your advocate. Nurses don't have a lot of time. You need someone to ask questions and take notes. Somebody should there to open your juice and help out.

Before you have surgery, you should have your house evaluated by a home healthcare nurse. If it's not on your insurance, use your commonsense. You'll need a firm bed, a shower stool and a raised toilet seat. It helps to have a physical therapist or nurse teach you how to effectively walk on crutches, negiotiate stairs and use a cane. These things aren't as simple as you think.

You will be admitted to the hospital on the morning of the surgery. The procedure takes a couple of hours. The longer you wait to have it done, the worse it gets. My WH was beyond bone-on-bone. On his worst hip, his femur ball had fused in the socket. One leg was over an inch shorter than the other. That surgery was over 4 hours. You will spend time in the recovery room until you are at a point where you can be moved into a regular room.

You will be in pain but will probably be attached to a morphine pump. They will make you do breathing exercises to keep your lung clear. They will start physical therapy hours after you get out of surgery. That is good.

On the third day, you will go home. You don't be able to get out of bed much. You will be given different exercises to do to help strengthen and heal your legs. You will be taking a cocktail of drug for infection and to prevent rejection. It would be good to have someone with you during that time period. You will need regular blood tests to guage the rejection drugs. Our insurance provided a home healthcare nurse to do that. In about a week, you get your staples out. Soon after that, you will start physical therapy. Depending upon how you react, you can get back to work in 4-8 weeks. Depending on what leg is done and your car, you can be driving soon.

It sounds bad but the results are wonderful. The pain will be gone immediately. You will have increased mobility. It's really worth it.

And the latest is....

I just found out I'm divorced. My H and I are on one of the same Yahoo group E-Mail lists, and I just discovered he has listed his marital status as "divorced". And to think I didn't even know the paperwork had been filed!

Guess I'm always the last to know!

Hi Deja Vu,

First of all... I would like to get this out of the way.

Your "H" is a real piece of work!

Now, with that being said... what are we going to do about this piece of wonderfulness that is parading around as though he is already divorced.

This is being said without knowing what is in your Prenup... so maybe some of it will apply, or none of it will apply:

1. You need to get your Attorney off his rear end and he needs to start getting things done.

Assuming that you are legally seperated... your attorney should be asking for some sort of maintenance, while all this is going on.

2. Prenups are not iron clad.... has your Attorney gone through this Prenup, and if he has... what if anything has he found in regards to what is happening to you right now that may help your sitch?

3. I would have your Attorney file a motion to the Courts to obtain maintenance from your "H", A.S.A.P..

Considering your circumstances... I would get your Attorney in gear.

Stay Strong!

Wallace

He is trying to save me $$ by getting H's attorney to write up the paperwork. That has seemed like a good strategy so far.


We are not legally separated. This would cost as much as the D, so is pointless.


Trouble is, I did not keep good records of what I spent out of my money. I was STUPID and trusted that my M would last. It would be difficult for me to recreate specifics, and at this point, I'm ok with just getting my downpayment (and its appreciation) back, plus my half of the equity in the house. That's all I'm asking for - it BLOWS MY MIND that H can dispute this and cost me $$ in the process. There should be a law that would make him pay extra for his bad faith behavior - sort of like happens to insurance companies that are found trying to avoid paying what they owe.


You know the blood and turnip thing? No point going after something I can't collect. However, if it will light a fire under him, I'm ready to push for that too.

I'm also wanting to find a way to get out of this quickly, with something I can live with. If I don't have a resolution by the middle of this month, I will ask my attorney to draw up the papers... BUT there is a chance (as of today) that my refi may still happen. And I don't want to mess that up right now, so am tempted to wait a couple of weeks until that issue is resolved.

Rumor is my H is saying he will have to sell the house. So, maybe he's concluded he can't fight it. Oddly enough, I have mixed feelings about this too. Part of me wants him to be stuck with that house, unable to move on himself, and surrounded by memories from the past. It's about the only revenge I have. So, though I want my $$, I find myself mildly conflicted about the method.

You know, I really don't want to be the one to ruin his life. I guess it's OK for HIM to ruin his own life. But push comes to shove, I don't feel good about going after something I dont' need or that I personally don't feel I am entitled to (regardless of what the law says). AM I NUTS OR WHAT????

[color:"blue"] Deja Vu [/color] said:

That is NOT nuts! You are the one who is acting honorably, with fairness and integrity, and maintaining a sense of realism throughout this. There is nothing wrong with taking the high road in this regard. Don't let others (including your lawyer) make you think you should go after more just to be spiteful. I think, in ten years, you want to look back on this and have peace about what you're doing.