Hello all, I was here about a week or 2 ago asking what I could or should do about my husbands porn addiction. I also told you all that I had breast cancer and have had reconstructive surgery. With clothes on (even skimpy clothes) I look good, Without clothes you can see the scars. I feel very unattractive sometimes and for some reason I need to feel desired and attractive.

This time my problem is with me, not him. I recently applied for (and got) a job as a cocktail waitress in a place where there's a lot of money to be made if you're willing to wear very little clothing. My husband is okay with me taking the job. I was supposed to start tonight but didn't show up. I know I'm not doing it for the money, I'm doing it to get the reaction I want to get from my husband from other men. That could mean trouble down the road and I want to avoid any more trouble in my marriage.

I admit that I love being the center of attention. I love the reaction I get from other men. but the truth is I only want one man! But I want him to want me just as much. I want him to feel the thrill when I walk in the room the way he did with his affair partner a couple years ago. I want to be what he thinks of when he is feeling sexy, instead of some porno he downloaded. Maybe I'm being unrealistic, but he still does it for me so why can't I still do it for him?

I really am not the kind of person who gets a job and then just doesn't show up.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> PHHHT! 9 people view my post but not ONE reply? Did I not just tell you that I love being the center of attention? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Where are all the stern lectures on what a stupid and reckless thing that was for me to do? jk

I think I am looking for people to talk me out of it. I didn't show tonight so that may be it, but if he calls and tells me the position is still open I'm not 100% sure I won't take it. Truth be told it would make a big difference in my bank account but I really don't think that's why I would do it.

I think you are right, if your ultimate goal is to help your marriage, taking that job is probably not the next right move.

I wish I could make rational decisions in the heat of heartache like you. Good Job!

If you really care about your marriage, do not take the job. Only problems will ensue.

Hi, another.

A question for you. Are you showing your hubby your desire for him on a regular basis?

If so, how does he react?

It seems to me that he might need to be taught by you, how you want him to treat you since the changes.

Gimble