i ve been with a woman for about 4 years. we have two beautiful kids together. two weeks ago she went to her mothers house for the weekend. we got in to an arguement over the phone( she was talking to a guy she met over the internet, a guy she said she wouldnt talk to anymore). now she says shes not in love with me anymore and doesnt want to be with me. i dont know what to do. i cry all day everyday, it scares me so much to not be with her and my kids. i am so in love that it just drives me crazy. ive done everything i could do to get her back. she just doesnt want me. i want to go to a counselor but i cant afford it. please give me some words of wisdom. i really need help.

j.m.l

Hello jml,

Welcome to MB.

I'm sorry that you are here for possible Infidelity.Are you married to this woman?

It sounds like your "wife" SO(significant other),may be involved in an EA(emotional affair).They are rather common nowadays with people talking to eachother over the net and developing inappropriate relationships.

More than likely your SO isn't going to stop talking with this other man(OM).It's what most say when they are found out.Also the statement of not "being in love".That is a red flag.

Ok.So what to do:

1) Read up on all our concepts here and especially Plan A under the Q&A section at top.

2) Try to find out who this guy is,if he is married,anything you can.Exposure to any other spouse will be helpful.

3) Consider spyware on the computer.Is it one that you both use? This can help you gather information that you might not find out otherwise.At this point,you can probably expect that your SO isn't going to be forthcoming or honest with much information.People involved in illicit/inappropriate relationships often do a lot of sneaking around,hiding and just generally being dishonest about there whereabouts,feelings,actions and many other facets of their lives.

4) Check out our MB bookstore and get some reading material.One book not listed here is one I loved and it was so informative, "NOT Just Friends" by Shirley Glass.She talks a lot about how inappropriate "friendships" begin.

5) Don't move out.I don't know if you own a home and it's jointly owned but you should not leave.

Can you fill us in with more information? How long has this e-mailing been going on? Has she ever met this man in person? What does your W want to do now? How are the kids? Do you own a home together? Ages? Etc.

Hang in there,we are here for you.

O

WE ARE NOT ACTUALLY MARRIED(ENGAGED). OUR KIDS ARE 2 AND 1 WE DONT OWN A HOME TOGETHER WE HAVE AND APARTMENT TOGETHER. SHE HAS ALREADY LEFT. SHES BEEN STAYING AT HER MOTHERS FOR A FEW WEEKS. THE GUY THAT SHE HAS BEEN TALKING TO JUST MOVED A FEW STATES OVER. I DO NOT KNOW IF SHE HAS MEET HIM OR NOT. IM ACTUALLY HERE AT HE MOTHERS RIGHT NOW VISITING. I PLAN ON DOING MY BEST TO WIN HER BACK. BUT HOW DO YOU MAKE SOMEONE FALL BACK IN LOVE WITH YOU? I GUESS I NEED TO KEEP TRYING TO MAKE MORE DEPOSITS IN THE BANK. WELL IF ANYONE ELSE HAS ANYMORE QUESTIONS PLEASE ASK AND PLEASE LEAVE YOUR FEEDBACK, IT REALLY GIVES SOMETHING TO DO.
THANKS
JML

Hi again,

I know you said you cannot afford counseling but maybe you could manage a few visits?

You can't really make a wayward spouse(WS) fall back in love with you if they are actively engaged in an affair(A).It is possible if you are both committed to working together to make your relationship work but at this point,I would seriously consider putting the marriage on hold.Obviously,getting married with this issue between you is not going to be solved by marriage.Please be clear about that.

Do try to find out more information from your fiance.You both have 2 very young children to consider here and she can't run away from her problems,especially if she thinks starting up with some other guy is her answer.She will be in for a very rude awakening.This isn't just about her,the children need and deserve a stable ,loving home life.She needs to focus on that as do you.When you make a committment to have kids you do have to make careful choices.I don't know how old your fiance is or what your past history is like but hopefully she will come around and see that a marriage or even just a relationship takes work from both parties.

One of the best things you can do is just get educated on how A's work and how to combat them.Hopefully other's will chime in here soon.Stay tuned.

O

she said she just wants to be single

i ve been here with her for a couplle days now, and last night we were laying together.(she was half asleep)i started rubbing her back. she turned over and said wheres mike(i am mike). so i said i dont know. she then starts kissing me and touching me( kisses like they were our first ones) as we are kissing she touches my hair and immediately stops and tries to get a better look at me. then she has this wierd look on her face like oh my god. she thought i was a guy that has been staying with her mom( her brothers friend) i ask her why she thought that and she said she didnt know.she says shes never done anything with this guy, but who knows.
i feel like im dieing know, i dont think i want to go on. this pain in my heart will not stop. and the more i see her and my kids the more i want her. and the more im apart from her the more i want to be near her. what do you do when its actually over? when does the healing process begin? how do you not cry when you have to go home to an empty place , where you once played with your kids and held the one you truly love, and thought they loved you. i cant live with out my kids or her. how do you actually say good bye.
this will probably be my last post thank you all for the help. and i wish i could have put that she came back and she wants to be with me. goodbye all
jml

""this will probably be my last post thank you all for the help. and i wish i could have put that she came back and she wants to be with me. goodbye all
jml""

WHOA THERE DUDE!!! Last post?? What in the world are you talking about? That's it?

This is not over by a long shot. Stand up and fight for her and your kids. Read the articles here. Plan A your a$$ off! Make her see you are the only one for her! Get the book His Needs/Her Needs. You have to woo her back.

While you are doing that, find out as much as you can about this other guy and if he is married, expose him to his W. Do whatever you can to break up their EA (hopefully it is still just an EA, although that is as bad and some say it is worse.)

Stop being a sappy cry-baby! Get angry that this other guy is trying to steal your fiance away from you and make a stand!

Be STRONG,

k

HOW DO I WOO HER BACK?

i found out she has been seein another guy. it is over. im leaving to another state with my kids. she can rot in the ****** that she has gotten her self in
bye

Is she seeing the other guy that is staying at her mother's
(brothers friend?)?

I feel sad for you Imike, don't leave here. At least there are many here that can give you support and some guidance on where to go from here.

Lady

imike, Hold on!!!! I know you are angry and hurt right now. I have been there!!! Don't make any hasty decisions right now in your state of mind.
Please talk the children to where you live, or get to a friends house so you can settle down, and think things through a little clearer.

Imike, you cannot take your children out of state unless visitation/custody has been established in court. Also being that you are not married, paternity needs to be established before you can leave with them out of state, or you could be arrested for kidnapping. I know it sounds wrong, but it is the law.

I know you are in shock right now. Please don't do anything irrational. Give it a while before making any major decisions.

We are here for you!!

Love, Lady

she has already agreed to let me take them. what else do i need?