If the OW shows up at the bar tonight when I am out with
WH (who says the R is over - she doesn't want him) do
I......
Stare her down and make her uncomfortable
Mind my own buisness
or take her out ? (just kidding on the 3rd, its only a
dream.......)

Chat

You forgot...

#4 Take your husband out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

why is your WH taking you out to a place where he and her used to go- is he hopeing to run in to her and make her jealous? WHy are you letting him take you there?

He plays poker at this bar every week and the first time
we went (2 weeks ago) she showed up....but she doesn't
normally go on tuesdays just on the weekends....so he says..
he is still in the fog and thinks if they see each other
no big deal, they are "just friends" he is not "cold hearted" ......

Chat

Ask him to skip the bar scene for awhile and the two of you do something together on Tuesday nights. Get the book "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and give it to him to read.

~ Snow

In all seriousness, if it were me and OW showed up, I would simply tell my WH that I would not tolerate her presence, and that I was leaving. Then I would leave.

KMEJ has a very good point, as well. Of course, whether you go or not is up to you, but if your WH were at all serious about you and the M, he would not go anywhere near anyplace he would be likely to run into OW.

To use an example from my own sitch, during our first, short-lived recovery, he thought nothing of driving past her house on our way back from upcountry (it is on the main road back), and even tried to peek discreetly as we went by, even with me there in the car next to him.

Now, he avoids the whole town nearest where she lives as if it were full of a deadly plague (which it is <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />), and on the rare occasions when he must do something there, takes me, or at least a friend with him to protect him. Coming down from the same upcountry area, he drove 10 or more miles out of the way to avoid going past her house.

Night and day.

BTW, I heard plenty about "just friends" and "not cold-hearted", too, even while they were still sleeping together.

WhenOW showed up at the place we like to go. I made myself flirt ,hug, kiss my WH and he would not even look her way. It ended up great -she got real drunk and was crying her eyes out. I loved it. When she went in bathroom my GF took me in. When OW was in the stall we talked about a romantic wk/end we were having and had had with lots of SF. She walmost had to be taken out of the place she was staggering so bad and boohoooing. I was glowing. I twa worth every second to see her crumble. That was that she never came back.

I should add that this OW kept showing up and I was fed up with her. She had been coming for weeks just to see my H.

bump

I don't think a bar is ever a healthy place for a married couple to hang out. Who cares about OW. I wouldn't do anything to bring her to your H's attention or let him think the two of you are fighting over him. What an ego boost for him. It's your WH, not her, that hurt you.

I would refuse to go to any place she may be.

I have to agree with her...time to go somewhere else and make your NEW memories...nothing having to do with her.

When WSo first moved out and in with new woman (same night he met her!!) he would bring her up to the bar where we all hung out. She had temper tantrums because we didn't welcome her with open arms...sorry honey in our "Family" you have to earn respect and love...you just don't get it and certainly not by being the OW...they FINALLY got it and found there own place to hang out down the street. It's too painful for you knowing that "They" have been there and that is not the road to recovery that you need. You need to concentrate on the two of you...suggest he finds someplace else to go.