I have a 12 year relationship (dated 3 yrs. terrific; lived together 8 yrs. progressively poor; one year separated) to a commitmentphobic or at least very scared guy. I've tried every kind of communication method I can find since he "doesn't like how we communicate" while he does not initiate or respond most of the time. I've tried asking what his emotional needs are and his only response was "I have a need for distance". He asked to separate to think about our relationship and later revealed he had another woman in the wings waiting for him to "leave" me. He said "she'll give me babies" although he steadfastly refused to even discuss marriage or make his desire for children known to me while we were together. All the while his belongings stayed at the house until I demanded that he either come back to work things out or move out. He moved out but we have continued to contact each other and ever so slowly built back some mutual trust by spending time together which was always been extremely difficult since he "had to work." Also he has avoid sex the last 5 years as much as possible (once a year) and rebuffs my approach completely. He is a workaholic so when that "big project is done" he keeps saying he'll read the MB books and do the questionniare etc. We have begun to talk more and he seems to be responding to the latest communication efforts. However, is there any hope that he will actually do the work needed to personally grow or am I fooling myself? I am torned about moving on after such an investment in time with one another. Any comments/suggestions are welcome. Thank you.

How old are you and your man?

dmb1234, I don't want to make you feel any worse than you do now, but there's a book out there called *He's Just Not That Into You.* You need to read it before you settle for any more heartbreak and neglect. Do a search for it in Amazon.com or ask for it at your bookstore. It was written about relationships just like yours.

Good luck.
Mulan