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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 14
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 14 |
Hi,
I just discovered my WS's third affair in a string of four... From the begining until now it has been 10 months...
They all happened in a row and by the time I found out about any of them she was already on #4,...
#4 is the one she is emotionally connected with though.. Finally...
Apparently after being one night standed by the first two and used as a sex object by #3...
Not too sure about al the details of #4 but I'm sure that she lured him in with sex...
This was all after three years of a bad M together with many LB's...
I found out about the first two and #4 about four months ago and #3 just a couple days ago....
Not surprising but the emails are extremely detailed and he treats her like a sex slave... And she apparently loved it... That is not the wife I knew...
ANy pointers?
I have been implementing the MB techniques for the past four months very well (IMHO)...
She still travels across country to stay with the OM for a week at a time (during training at work)....
She is so angry with me for being here... Or being married to me... Or something...
I feel like I am losing hope....
need help.
thx,
hopeful_bs
hopeful_bs
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
Member
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Member
Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
What else is going on with your wife? Four affairs would be a deal-breaker for me. It sounds like she is a sex addict. Does she have FOO issues?
Are you still having SF with her? I hope not. We have one member here, Fred, whose wife had a string of affairs. She just died from AIDS in April. And she was a healthcare professional.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
hopeful, I wish I could give you hope, but it doesn't appear that her affairs are an aberration of character, but *are* her character. They are an expression of her personality and character. Marriage Builders cannot change someone's personality.
Unmet needs in the marriage are not the problem, so trying to meet them cannot be the solution. She cats around because that is how she is, she is just not committed to the lifestyle of monogamy.
My advice is to accept that you cannot change another person's personality and accept her how she is. Accept that you can't change her and then decide if you want to stay in a marriage that is not monogamous. If you don't mind sharing your W with others, then you have your gal. If you prefer monogamy, then you might want to look elsewhere.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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