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#1485662 09/27/05 11:01 PM
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 20
S
Junior Member
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S Offline
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 20
Hi. Been a while since I posted here.

My W had the affair almost 3 years ago now at another job. D-day was last December.

We went through MC and have pretty much recovered. I no longer obsess about the A.

The problem I am having is that FWW started a new job last May. To date, I have only visited her new office 2 or 3 times. This in itself is not too unusual. The office is not very close and the place she is working at is currently under construction and does not open for a couple months.

However, the few times I have been there, I have had a pretty bad reaction. I become stony silent. I barely talk to anyone she works with and have ZERO interest in doing so. I don't feel the desire to get to know her co-workers and I also have no desire for them to know anything about me. One time, I was depressed for a week after visiting her office.

I think the problem is obvious. My FWW had the A with a co-worker. Even though none of these people have anything to do with that, I associate the A with wherever she works. This is kind of a problem. I recognize that I cannot ignore that she does work, but I literally have no interest in knowing these people. She revealed stuff about me and our M to OM and I know this is the cause of why I don't even want them to know anything about me.

I knew OM from events from her work. I still remember the last time I saw him. I shook his hand and smiled at him. This fact still haunts me and I know it is why I simply do not want to get to know her co-workers.

The problem is simple. My W loves her job and there are barbeques and dinners and events with these people. I can't ignore it, but I'd rather be anywhere else in the world than an event with her co-workers.

Anyone else have this trigger? Anyone know how to handle it?

Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 764
S
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S Offline
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 764
You're protecting yourself and it is normal. My XW still works at the place she established a PA with a customer and an EA with a co worker that went PA after our divorce. I refuse to attend any of her work functions still. I also do not want her to travel. It's a trigger...a big trigger anything to do with work.

Keep your eyes open wide and you may be more comfortable with her co workers. Also your W may help you out...by comforting you while in teh pressece of her coworkers..


Me BS - 44
FWW- 42
EA for 4 years with fellow employee
became PA in Jan 04 - I knew of this one.
Seperated/ Divorced July 03
2 sons 14 & 12
D Day -6/26/04- PA in 1998 for about 1 year- I had NO idea.
recovery and reconciliation began 6/27/04

Remarried 2/18/06

My story?? Click below.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Main=129980&Number=1575914
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 20
S
Junior Member
Junior Member
S Offline
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 20
She's been somewhat patient with me, but wants me to get over it by Christmas.

Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,416
L
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Joined: Mar 2001
Posts: 4,416
Quote
My W loves her job and there are barbeques and dinners and events with these people. I can't ignore it, but I'd rather be anywhere else in the world than an event with her co-workers.

I don't have a lot of advice but this did make me think. When I introduced my gf/fiance (now wife) to my children, I also introduced her to my fellow office workers. As a matter of fact we went out to dinner with the person I spend the most time with at work. Our work and the relationships formed are a large part of our lives. Most of us spend more waking hours during the week with our co-workers than with our spouses or children. If she's in a position where she can't share this experience with you then I see more problems resulting and resentments forming.

So two simple questions:

1. Is there anything she can do about this situation?

2. Is there anything you can do about this situation?

I would say it's time to do some serious brain storming and deep soul searching to see what all is going on and seek solutions rather than staying in the problem.


Hugz, Thoughtz, & Prayerz

Bill

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