Hi. Been a while since I posted here.

My W had the affair almost 3 years ago now at another job. D-day was last December.

We went through MC and have pretty much recovered. I no longer obsess about the A.

The problem I am having is that FWW started a new job last May. To date, I have only visited her new office 2 or 3 times. This in itself is not too unusual. The office is not very close and the place she is working at is currently under construction and does not open for a couple months.

However, the few times I have been there, I have had a pretty bad reaction. I become stony silent. I barely talk to anyone she works with and have ZERO interest in doing so. I don't feel the desire to get to know her co-workers and I also have no desire for them to know anything about me. One time, I was depressed for a week after visiting her office.

I think the problem is obvious. My FWW had the A with a co-worker. Even though none of these people have anything to do with that, I associate the A with wherever she works. This is kind of a problem. I recognize that I cannot ignore that she does work, but I literally have no interest in knowing these people. She revealed stuff about me and our M to OM and I know this is the cause of why I don't even want them to know anything about me.

I knew OM from events from her work. I still remember the last time I saw him. I shook his hand and smiled at him. This fact still haunts me and I know it is why I simply do not want to get to know her co-workers.

The problem is simple. My W loves her job and there are barbeques and dinners and events with these people. I can't ignore it, but I'd rather be anywhere else in the world than an event with her co-workers.

Anyone else have this trigger? Anyone know how to handle it?

You're protecting yourself and it is normal. My XW still works at the place she established a PA with a customer and an EA with a co worker that went PA after our divorce. I refuse to attend any of her work functions still. I also do not want her to travel. It's a trigger...a big trigger anything to do with work.

Keep your eyes open wide and you may be more comfortable with her co workers. Also your W may help you out...by comforting you while in teh pressece of her coworkers..

She's been somewhat patient with me, but wants me to get over it by Christmas.

I don't have a lot of advice but this did make me think. When I introduced my gf/fiance (now wife) to my children, I also introduced her to my fellow office workers. As a matter of fact we went out to dinner with the person I spend the most time with at work. Our work and the relationships formed are a large part of our lives. Most of us spend more waking hours during the week with our co-workers than with our spouses or children. If she's in a position where she can't share this experience with you then I see more problems resulting and resentments forming.

So two simple questions:

1. Is there anything she can do about this situation?

2. Is there anything you can do about this situation?

I would say it's time to do some serious brain storming and deep soul searching to see what all is going on and seek solutions rather than staying in the problem.