Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
| Tax-deductible Donation | Site Tour | Meet Dr. Harley | Basic Concepts | Q&A Columns | Articles | Guidance Forum

Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Forums Calendar Active Threads
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
How do you do Plan B with kids in the picture?
#1485762 09/28/05 12:48 PM
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 177
N
No way
Offline
Member
No way
Member
N Offline
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 177
Just wondering and preparing in case it goes here but how does one move out and go dark from a WS when you have children (B12 & G9) and you don't want them to feel you've abandoned them? I'm not there right now but just thinking about the next steps if it becomes necessary. I've been in MC and plan A'ing since D-day but my sense of trust and security is still low. We don't live near family or have trusted local friends who could act as intermediaries.

Also, how do you protect your financial resources, is a separation agreement necessary in plan B?

A further complication is that I'm a geographic bachelor 4 hrs away fm home until next summer when I change jobs. I come home every weekend when my ship is in (yes, this stinks).

Anyone have any experience here or lessons learned??

No Way

BS (me) 44
FWW 41
M 18 yrs
FWW in LTA, Dday Jan 2005
K - S15 & D12
Re: How do you do Plan B with kids in the picture?
No way #1485763 09/28/05 02:38 PM
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 975
J
Jimmy Mac Offline
Member
Jimmy Mac
Member
J Offline
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 975
If you have to have contact with her, you have to have contact. The trick is to limit these conversations to "just" child and finances. You are not there to provide her emotional support--she has OM for that. So, everything is more or less "matter of fact" discussions. You aren't there to "understand" her or validate her feelings.

E.g.:

WS: I'm feeling a little blue today. Could you come over and watch the kids with me on Monday?
BS: I am free Monday. I can watch the kids, but I'll take them over to my house.

This may leads to some violent outbursts by WS, so be prepared.

Put everything in writing--visitation, child support, etc. The more you get out of the way, the less reason you have to contact her.

FWS Married: 1976 AS: 1991 D-Day: 1992 AE: 1993 Still married.
Re: How do you do Plan B with kids in the picture?
Jimmy Mac #1485764 09/28/05 06:45 PM
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 177
N
No way
Offline
Member
No way
Member
N Offline
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 177
JM - Thanks, when you say put everything in writing, that sounds like a legal separation agreement? Isn't that a step beyond plan B? If a WS still has access to finances that you share, then isn't the BS just helping finance the A? Can you just freeze/change accounts on then but not be obligated for any new debts?
I could see a WS running up the bills to spitefully get back at someone who implemented plan B.

Haven't been through this before and hope not to go but want to mentally prepare myself if it's necessary.

No way

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 676 guests, and 88 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
finnbentley, implementsheep, rafaelakutch, DGTian120, MigelGrossy
72,044 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Three Times A Charm
by still seeking - 08/09/25 01:31 PM
How important is it to get the whole story?
by still seeking - 07/24/25 01:29 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:05 PM
Help: I Don't Like Being Around My Wife
by abrrba - 07/21/25 03:01 PM
Following Ex-Wifes Nursing Schedule?
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:21 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Roger Beach - 07/16/25 04:20 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,525
Members72,044
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
Forum Rules · Mark All Read Contact Us · Forum Help · Marriage Builders
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Feedback | Terms and Conditions | Privacy Policy | Contact Us | Site Map | Account
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0