Kim, however you choose to do this, I would take care of your son without the help of your H. Since you are going into Plan B, you don't want to have to deal with him every day. I would set up weekly visitations where your H can come pick him up for visit, but specify that he take him elsewhere so he is not coming in your house. After you go into Plan B, it might be a good idea to change the locks.

Kim:

Just a few points if I may....

When you married this man and created a child with him, did you ever believe that "he had it in him" to expose you to potentially lethal diseases, risk the physical and emotional well being of your beautiful son, and cause YOU such personal destruction that you may take years to recover....? Did you ever believe he had it in him to do any of this????? You don't have to say anything, I already know the answer..

I think you are wrong when you say that he doesn't have it in him to "harm anyone"...I know what you meant, but there is a deeper meaning here..........I suspect that if he beat the living $hit out of you, it would have been 1000 times easier to deal with than this.......Your WH has it "in him" to do anything and "everything" to keep his fantasy and adulterous activity going. Why risk anything here.....? Yo have risked enough IMVHO.

I don't point this all out to make you feel like crap, just to get you to realize that everything that you "thought" before with this "man" who is your "husband", no longer holds true FOR TODAY....in this moment in time.

Please act accordingly.

Take care.

Your friend,

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I was leaning toward Option 1. WH is free to pick up DS from the sitters any day between 3 & 5 PM. He just needs to have him back by 5 PM. If he wants to have him longer, say for dinner he could do that M & TH. Then I would have to set up a plan for weekends. Since WH has such an awful schedule it is going to be hard to "accomodate". Plus he is so tired during the day that he naps 1/2 the time.

Can I get in trouble for chaning the locks & keeping him out of the house???

Kim

Lem,

Your insight & comments are appreciated.



I know you are trying to help me see this as it is, not make me feel bad. A physical beating would have been a piece of cake compared to this.

He is not the man I married and I don't know if he ever will be again.

Kim

Kim, I agree with your reasoning and think option #1 sounds very good. Who is going to get you in trouble for changing the locks on your own house? You don't want him barging in your house unexpected. He shouldn't be in the house at all during Plan B.


As much as it kills me, <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I have to agree with LemonMan here. I think that deseperate, sick people do desperate, sick things. I have been, frankly, SHOCKED at the level of cruelty your H shows, Kim, and when you are missing for a day around here, I become very anxious. [so do others, I have noticed] I think you are extremely blind to the bad in people and don't think you are often aware of dangerous motives in others. Please just be very cautious.

Kim, noone is ever the same after this happens to them (be it WS/BS)...that doesn't mean they can't flourish and prosper after the fall.

Look at a woman named Miss Priss (or M's-forgot which one) WH...her story captivated me one Saturday afternoon on call and I spent the whole afternoon reading the story from the archives....her WH was 10 times as evil in his actions as yours...and today she is happily recovered with him and flourishing in life and marriage....so, you never know what is on the other side of the Plan B way of life.......it is going to be good for you either way, so look at it that way..........you either get a renewed marriage with your WH, or you Divorce, and then eventually meet a man to fall in love with again, but this time you will be far knowledgeable about picking them...

Lots of Luck

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Melodylane. I will be cautious. Perhaps I have become numb to the cruelty over the months and am not able to realize exactly how cruel WH has been to me.

Thankfully I still have very many special memories with H tucked away in a secret place in my heart. And to be able to pull them back out one day I am going to have to do something that I know will hurt. But that's the only way to preserve those memories. Otherwise, WH will eventually wipe them out.

You all have become some of my closest friends here.

Kim

Lem -



There is a good that will come out of this. Life is all about learning from your experiences, the good and the AWFUL. There is hope, it is the hope that keeps me going and my wonderful DS. Every night when he is going to bed I tell him how special he is and that there is no one in this entire world like him.

I found a stack of cards that my mom & sister had sent to me about 18 years ago. Very special cards as I was going through some difficult times. They reminded me of how unique and special I am. I am glad I kept them as they are providing me with strength and belief in myself today.

Thanks again!!

Kim

Yes and No

You cannot legally kick him out of his jointly-owned property. But do it anyway. I did.

As far as "getting into trouble" .... aren't there burgleries going on in your neighborhood? Aren't you safety conscious? Change the locks the same day he leaves. And do not forget to change the garage door opener code !!!

If he refuses to leave (after Plan B letter) ... one day when he is not home, take all of his personal belongings and put it in the garage or on the porch in plastic garbage bags.

I literally felt sick to my stomach looking at my husbands clothing in our bedroom, especially his underwear, I took everything out into the garage and made a huge pile.

Never discuss or threaten any of this, only do. This is not Plan A behavior, it is Plan B house-cleaning.

If he calls the police on you (doubtful) when they show up, explain to the police.... "I changed the locks to feel safer. I moved everything that is adultery-tainted out of my sight."

then just leave it there... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> .... the cops will counsel your husband to get out. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> They hate this sort of domestic dispute call and they may try to lessen the likelyhood of a return visit by convincing your WH to leave.

Do not forget the reverse-babble...

"My real husband is welcome here. Not the cheating look-alike. What have you done with my husband?"

Cops: "Why did you change the locks?"

Kim: "My husband is screwing another man's wife. Bad things can happen when he's doing this."

Cops: "Why did you throw all his things into the garage?"

Kim: "I am cleaning house, removing everything that other man's wife has touched. Those things have cooties I cannot live with."

~~~~~~~ Kim .... he will leave after a scene like this.

Kim it does work, I did the same to WW. The guilt will actually make them leave.

"I am asking WH to move out today."

nooooooooooo

Too weak !

You are handing WH Plan B letter and telling him he is leaving today.

No more adultery under your roof.

Plan B

Plan B

Plan B

this is not emotional ... this is a PLAN